A break in the move
by Ira4
Summary: Nick is almost done packing, he's almost ready to move to California when something happens... (It's me so you know it's gonna be Rollaro)
1. Chapter 1

_I was totally not going to write anymore Rollaro!_

 _But a few days ago I got a PM and someone asked me to write a story. I answered I wasn't going to (cause that was the plan). But then I checked the traffic stats and saw that people are still reading my stories and I was a little surprised and a lot happy._

 _I love writing and it's nice to know someone other than me actually reads it._

 _So, as it often happens to me, the idea popped to my head and no matter how hard I tried to push it away – it stayed._

 _So, since I do love writing, and no matter what, Rollaro is awesome (and I don't watch the show anymore so who cares what happened, if I don't watch it – it doesn't exist)._

 _So here's another fic._

 _I do have to say that even though I have a general idea, I hope not to get discouraged in the middle._

 _And as usually, sorry for typos, grammar etc._

 _What would happen if I didn't say they don't belong to me?_

 _Nick and Amanda are mine and yours._

* * *

The house suddenly seemed big. Now, with almost no furniture, a lot of boxes full of his stuff. Is that who he was? The man who owned the things in them? The shirts, books, dishes, memorabilia. All of which he had packed into boxes, wrote down what they contained. Was that Nick Amaro? Someone who had many suits (most he wasn't taking with him), who had books about crime (some he couldn't remember reading, which meant he probably didn't). Or maybe it was the man who found old rock-and-roll cassette tapes in the back of his closet, his children won't even know what to do with those but he had fun listening (and dancing) to the tunes.

Nick stood in his living room, wearing a pair of faded jeans and a very old t shirt he used to love for some reason, and looked at the almost vacant space. In this stage of his life, he was almost forty, and had no idea who he was.

The realtor did a good job and was able to find a buyer pretty fast. Nick was just done with the physiotherapy and a few days later she called him with the good news. She kept on saying how lucky he was, with the economy and the market. Nick didn't listen to everything, his mind locked on that one word: Lucky.

Was he? Could anyone say he had good luck? He's been through a lot of bad things and never once thought about himself as lucky. If he were truly lucky, maybe the house wouldn't have to be sold?

The place was bought by a nice family and Nick hoped they'd have better luck here than he had. Maybe the parents would grow old in this house together, play with their children and then with their grandkids in this room. He hoped so for them, because he had the exact hopes for himself when he first saw this place, back when he was married and knew where and with whom he was going.

But now, all these years later, he was standing here with completely different thoughts in his head. Wondering how he came to this? How he lost his path and felt like he couldn't find his way back to wherever it was he was going to.

Up until now he tried to focus on the therapy, his leg, then selling the house and packing. But now that it was almost done there was nothing to take his mind off of these nagging thoughts about being a failure, not knowing where he was going. Even when he told himself California would be a fresh start, he heard a laugh somewhere in the back of his mind, like another Nick was standing behind him, telling him he wasn't fooling anyone. This isn't what he wants.

His, now former, coworkers offered to help with the packing but Nick declined. It wasn't just the fact he didn't want them going through his things and maybe finding something embarrassing (his mother did give him some of his older belongings when she moved to a smaller apartment). It was because them helping him leave seemed too hard. They were staying, he was going.

Whenever they offered Nick just made an excuse and eventually no one said anything. He realized now that it's been a few days since he had said a word to any of them. The only people he talked to were his kids and his mother. And his ex wife, Maria, she was kind enough to offer him to stay at her place for a few days until he settles in LA and Nick was grateful for the fact that finally, after all these time they've been divorced, Maria and he were okay with one another. Not friends, not even remotely, but they were going to be in the other's life for many many years and for Zara's sake they were getting along (and not getting back together, as Zara said to him one evening when they were skyping).

Nick chuckled at the realization that the only thing that did get better was the relationship with his ex wife, not something he expected to happen. Ever.

He needed a moment and sat down on the floor, he already sold the couch and most of the large furniture were already gone too, some he sold or donated, knowing he would have no place for them in LA.

Now that he was so close to being done Nick realized how fast time has gone by and how soon he'd have to leave. The plan was to stay another week or so at his mother's place and then fly to California and leave New York behind. Leave this place that held so many good memories, bad ones. A place that held a lot of regrets.

And regrets, unlike the song, he had more than a few. With the job, his personal life, the people in it; not just his family members but his friends and coworkers, and those who were both, and the one person who was more.

Amanda.

He had a lot of regrets when he came to Amanda. Thinking about her he thought heard the nagging voice saying something but Nick ignored it like he usually did. He could still remember the night he came to her place and told her he was moving.

It wasn't exactly true, he couldn't exactly remember it. He wasn't sure what he said to her, how did he phrase it? Did he say he was sorry?

The only real memory he had of that night was a moment when they looked at each other, she said "so…" and he said "so…" and maybe that was it, this little word, so, was everything that needed to be said and every other word was useless. Because there was no explanation (the leg, the job, the kids). So…

He wasn't even sure how long it took before he fled, it probably got complicated and leaving was the only thing he could do (leaving her apartment, leaving New York).

Nick had a lot of regrets when it came to Amanda, but it wasn't about their relationship, whatever it was. He regretted not trying harder when they fought, not noticing she needed him, or worse, noticing and ignoring it.

He took a deep breath and it seemed like the place smelled like cardboard boxes. That was all that's left of his life in this city.

Boxes.

* * *

Nick picked up his mother for lunch. She supported his move but he could tell she was also upset about it.

"You should do what makes you happy" she told him when she helped cleaning the house, it had to look good for potential buyers.

He nodded and asked himself what made him happy but had a hard time coming up with an answer. Sure, the kids, Zara and Gil, he loved them and was proud of them. But that voice (he was pretty sure he wasn't going mad)…it said there was something else. He wanted to scream WHAT? To get a reply from this other Nick, or whoever it was in his head.

"Hey mom" Nick walked into her apartment. He felt like it was smaller than before, like it had shrank since the last time he's been there.

"Nicky" she kissed his cheek and smiled.

"How are you feeling mom?" even though it was probably one of the most standard questions you could ask a person, today was different. Cesaria's been feeling a little sick the last few days, she tried to act like everything was fine so she could help her son pack, knowing he'd never ask her for help if she was sick.

"I am much better Nicky, don't worry" she reassured him and grabbed her bag.

"Good, you didn't look too good yesterday" Nick noticed his mother was a little pale and weaker than usual, but she insisted everything was alright. The compromise was for her to help just for one more hour and then go home and get some rest.

"That's not a nice thing to say" she smiled "I thought I taught you better"

"Ma…" Nick opened the door for her.

She was about to say something but when she opened her mouth not a single word came out, she looked at the wall, thinking it had to be painted because it wasn't white anymore, it was dark, a very dark shade.

* * *

Nick should have known better, his mother was trying so hard to act like she was fine, she was good at it (she had a lot of practice with his father), he should have known better and asked again, tell her to stop and rest, take her to the doctor. But no, he was busy thinking about the mess he's made of his life that he ignored the person who gave him life. The mess he got all on his own.

Now he was sitting in the hospital, waiting.

The ambulance got there fast, she lost consciousness and they rushed her to the emergency room. Nick wasn't sure how long it's been. He had a watch, he had his phone, but he couldn't look. It it's been a long time – it had to be something bad. But if it hasn't been long – why did it feel like it.

The doctor came and Nick quickly stood up.

"Mr. Amaro" he started "we are running some tests, your mother is awake, she's talking to us, but right now you have to be patient"

"What is it?" Nick didn't seem to hear the part about having to be patient.

"We don't know yet, but we're doing everything we can and we will find out what caused this"

"She's been a little weak" Nick knew he had to share everything with the doctor "she claimed to be just tired, but she seemed a little more than that…I don't know" how could he not notice she was feeling bad?

"Thank you, I will let you know as soon as I can" the doctor was about to leave.

"Can I see her?" Nick asked.

"Not right now, she's waiting for the MRI and it might take a few hours"

"Hours?" Nick had to control his voice, a single hour was too much so more than that?

"I understand this is hard, but you need to wait until we have a clear picture, it's gonna take time. I'm sorry" this time the man didn't give Nick a chance to add anything and left.

Maybe it was for the best, Nick needed him with his mother, running the tests, checking them. Whatever doctors did.

He sat back down and suddenly felt alone. Like he was the only human in the universe and he would never lay eyes on another person, talk to anyone.

But he was sitting in a waiting room, with people around, noises coming from conversations, from a television, some talk show Nick tried to focus on so he wouldn't have to think about the fact something was wrong with his mother and he didn't notice.

His eyes were glued to the screen and he tried to listen as the people spoke.

"…let me tell you…" the host (or the guest, Nick didn't know) laughed "he asked me to marry him"

"No!" the other woman and the crowed were shocked by this.

"I had no idea and I just didn't say anything!"

"And he's on one knee?"

"In his birthday suit" everybody laughed "and this…"

Nick couldn't listen to this until they call him. He grabbed his phone and looked at it as if it was something he's never seen before. What was it good for? He didn't care about the news, he didn't want to play games.

Maybe he should use it for it's original purpose and call someone?

He looked at his contact list, the names were so familiar but now all these people seemed like strangers. What was he going to say to whoever he calls? "How you've been?"

It was a long list but Nick couldn't dial, he just looked and told himself why he couldn't call each of them (it would be too weird, never liked this one, delete this one, I don't want to bother that one).

Amanda Rollins.

He pretended not to see her name the first time he looked at the contact list. How could he call her when so much between them was still so unfinished, undefined. She's the last person he can call out of the blue like this and just talk to.

He raised his eyes to the screen because someone was now shouting, didn't they just talk about a marriage proposal? When he turned his attention back to the screen in his hand Nick realized his finger decided for him and dialed.

"Nick?" he heard her voice and had no choice but to answer.

"Hey"

"What's going on?" she wasn't expecting him to call.

"Eh…" before he could answer a nurse who stood close to Nick called a doctor and from the was she asked the next question, he knew Amanda heard.

"Where are you?"

"At the hospital" he couldn't and didn't really feel like hiding it anymore, he didn't want to be alone "it's my mom".

* * *

Amanda's been at the hospital more times than she could count. She was there as a detective, as a patient as a worried (more than a) colleague. Now she was here as a friend, probably. Nick needed a friend so she came to be with him.

They were still friends, even with everything that they've been through, she could still define herself as his friend.

She saw him sitting, holding his head in his hands. Amanda could almost read his mind, he was probably blaming himself for not noticing anything. That was Nick, he always thought he could fix things had he known about them earlier. She both liked and disliked it about him. But right now wasn't the time to analyze it and with Nick leaving the right time would be never.

"Nick" she called his name when he didn't notice her.

"Amanda" he stood up just when she was about to sit and if they weren't at a hospital Amanda would find it amusing and laugh.

"How is she?" she sat down next to him.

"I don't know, still haven't heard anything, they are running tests" he looked at her and the utter loneliness faded, at least he wasn't waiting alone. Still, he felt guilty for calling and apologized for dragging her to the hospital on her day off.

"It's ok, I'm glad you called" it wasn't a lie, she was happy to be there for him.

"Thank you" he was really grateful for the fact she was sitting next to him.

Nick realized he missed her, just being in her presence, when it was just the two of them. The atmosphere was so different and when he wasn't overthinking (which he did too much) things were absolutely great between them. They'd watch something on tv, laugh about it together.

Amanda wasn't sure he'd want to talk more about his mother's condition. He didn't know anything as it is so maybe they could talk about something else. They could just sit in silence if he preferred.

"You know this show?" he suddenly asked, gesturing at the television, the credits were rolling and he didn't catch the name.

"It's called _Betty's talking_ " Amanda replied, expecting Nick to make a comment about watching all of these "quality programs"

"You missed the part about the naked proposal" he let her know.

"Sounds romantic" she smiled "but hate to disappoint, it's a rerun so…"

"So…" the word sent him to the night at her apartment, the saying goodbye without really saying it "you have seen it?"

"Yes and it's kinda funny, dumb" she shrugged "but funny"

"We can agree on the dumb part" he was about to add something when he noticed something, a doctor was walking to their direction and Nick looked at him, following the man with his eyes, hoping he'd tell him it was nothing. But the doctor turned to someone else and Nick looked at the floor.

"Nick" Amanda scooted closer to him, closing the gap, the safe distance, she could see the disappointment in his face. She touched his shoulder and her hand glided down his back. The familiar feeling caused Nick to turn to her and she could see tears in his eyes.

"I'm scared" he confessed, feeling a bit ashamed for it, but at the same time he felt like a weight has been lifted off of him "what if it's serious?"

She couldn't tell him not to worry, couldn't promise it was nothing. But she did what he needed and hugged him.

They pulled away quickly, the embrace brought up memories, but now wasn't the time for it.

"There's another one" Nick broke the silence by turning to the tv, the woman he figured was Betty was talking to the audience "have you seen this one?"

She nodded and they both watched quietly for a few minutes. But they didn't pay much attention to the program. Neither said a word, but they were both thinking about the fact that Amanda's hand was resting on Nick's and they both hoped the other won't move.

"They should really put something else on" he wasn't sure he wanted to talk, but had a hard time bearing the silence. What could he ask her? Nick didn't want to hear about work. And who knows if there was anything going on in her private life? He sure didn't want to hear about that.

"I think we're the only ones watching" she was right, everyone else found something else to occupy them while waiting.

"Want me to download a game to your phone?" she offered with a slight smile "you'd be surprised how much time you can pass by playing something"

"Please don't, Zara and I spent an entire weekend playing one of those and doing almost nothing else" it was months ago, before the injury, before so many things had changed.

"Soon you'll get to spend more time with her, it's gonna be great" she knew it wasn't easy for Nick to be so far away from his daughter, with everything he'd seen at the job, not being close to be able to protect her…Nick wanted to protect the people he loved, that she absolutely liked about him. Still, saying it would be great, it hurt her more than she wanted to admit.

Her hand was still there, resting on his and Nick looked at their palms, for a second he forgot they were at the hospital, for a second they were at a park, or at the beach or anywhere else, just the two of them. But that good feeling lasted for just a single second, as a man's voice interrupted and brought him back to the dull waiting room.

"Mr. Amaro"

It was the doctor and Nick hurried to stand up, Amanda followed and the doctor looked at her, not sure who this was, he was too preoccupied to notice all of the emotions in the slight touch.

"I'll go get us some coffee" Amanda could sense that the doctor wanted to talk to Nick alone and she walked away.

As they disappeared into a hallway Amanda could see from Nick's reaction, even though she could only see his back, this wasn't nothing.

And she was right.

* * *

 _To be continued (probably)_


	2. Chapter 2

_If you thought this was a story where it takes Nick and Amanda forever to get together, then I have some good news – it isn't. Spoiler alert, smut warning._

* * *

Nick asked himself what was wrong with the doctor's vocabulary. It seemed like every other word was 'tests'. We need to run more tests, result of the tests. Tests, tests, tests.

Nick felt like he'd explode if he heard that word again.

But then the doctor used another word and this one he couldn't bare.

* * *

It's been a week and Amanda still hasn't heard from Nick. When she was at the hospital she drank a cup of coffee and waited for two hours, watching the screen in the waiting room. But he didn't return and didn't call. So she sent him a text 'if you need to, please call me'. She walked towards the exit but changed her mind decided to wait just a little longer. After she was sure he wasn't coming back Amanda returned to her apartment.

She only tried calling once, thinking he needed space. But a week was a long time and she was worried. She knew it was bad news or else he would have told her, he knew she cared so if everything was fine with Cesaria he would have called to reassure her.

But he didn't which meant something was going on, and as the days passed with no sign of life, she was more and more worried. Eventually, after thinking about it for a long time, she decided to just go and see him.

On her way to his place she changed her mind more than once, she even almost turned the car around. What if there was a reason he didn't call? A lot of different scenarios were possible and maybe he's not even gonna be at his place, he could be somewhere else (like in LA, maybe he left without telling her). But she drove and parked by his house, his car was there so he had to be there.

Amanda stopped thinking and walked to his door, she had to check on him, if something was wrong he needed a friend, someone to talk to (or someone to be angry at, she was ready for that possibility, but hoped it wasn't the case). Amanda knocked and was almost surprised he opened just after few seconds.

"Hey" she said a little taken aback when she saw him, clearly he hasn't shaved since they last saw each other and she couldn't help but make a comment about it "I see you have a new look" she grazed her chin.

"No" he let her walk in "I've been busy"

Amanda waited for him to talk, the beard was another sign this was bad "so…" she tried, but Nick shook his head, not wanting to explain.

He didn't want to talk about it but he didn't want Amanda to leave. He should have known she'd show up. He didn't call (not the first time that happened) and Amanda accepted it, didn't make a big deal, just came here to check up on him, he could see she was worried.

"You can help with packing" he wanted her to stay and was glad when she nodded "I'm almost done but there are a few more things in the other room"

Amanda could see he really was almost done. She's been at his place before and now it looked empty. There were many cardboard boxes but almost nothing else. The dining table stood in it's place, but no chairs, no couch. The tv was still there, but it was covered. She followed him to the bedroom and for some reason was surprised not to see the bed. He was moving, why would it stay? The closet was empty too. He must have been staying at his mother's, maybe helping her with whatever it was he didn't want to talk about.

"This is it" he gestured at the floor, at a big pile of clothes and toys, probably Zara's things "these are things she didn't want so I need to see what can be donated and what has to be thrown away"

"No problem" she smiled and sat down on the floor.

"Thanks" he joined her.

"This one's kinda cute" she raised a pink stuffed bunny.

"This one was beheaded" Nick took it from her and showed her the stitches "she was three and was playing with a neighbor at the park, they were fighting over it and next thing I knew both of them were crying" he laughed, remembering how devastated his daughter was.

"And I can see you saved his life"

"This is my handy work" he chuckled "I'm not too good at sewing, which is why the stitches are blue"

"I'm sure she didn't care" Amanda could picture the little girl standing next to him, anxiously waiting for the toy to be fixed, and this was something Nick could pretty easily fix "keep?"

Nick shrugged, Zara didn't need it anymore, it was old but maybe another kid would like it "no" he placed in the donation pile and they continued working.

Amanda reached for a small wooden box that was under some of Zara's old dresses, she smiled to herself, thinking that Nick didn't like throwing things away. She opened the small box and her grin widened. Looking inside she couldn't help herself and burst out laughing.

Nick raised his eyes at her and his cheeks turned a little red when he saw what she was holding, how did the box get there?

"Oh god Nick! I can't believe it" she couldn't control herself, and kept on laughing, her eyes were tearing up a bit.

She showed him the photograph and he didn't bother snatching it away, no way she'd forget it now.

"I had no idea you had a…I don't know how to call it, is this supposed to be a mullet? I…and your friends…you look like a boy band"

It was taken when he was fifteen, the fact he didn't throw it away was beyond him. But yes, back then he and his friend tried to grow their hair long, really long.

"We were fifteen" he defended himself "long hair was all the rage and we were not a boy band"

"But were you in a band?" the other two kids in the photo were holding guitars, it had to be a band.

"You could say so, but not a boy band!" he asserted "it was more…a hair metal band" she already saw the photo, there was no use hiding it, he wasn't going to get more embarrassed than he already was.

Amanda's eyes widened and she stared at him in disbelief "you can't sing"

"So?" he shrugged "since when is that a requirement? Especially now"

"No" she looked at it again "you were a boy band and you were the heartthrob" she almost asked him if she could keep it, but that seemed inappropriate.

"Very funny" he finally took the photo and glanced at it, his hair was a mess.

"Is there a grunge Nick?" she knew he had plaid shirts, maybe he started liking those in the nineties?

He didn't answer the question and took the box away from her before she could get her hands on more of these.

"With this beard you almost look like you did the first day we met" Amanda had no idea why she said that, why did she have to bring up work, meeting for the first time. She still remembered shaking his hand and than shaking off all the little tingles when she found out he was married.

Nick looked at her, thinking about that day too. It's been so long, so many things have changed. He placed the photo in the box and shut the lid.

"Nick?" she gave him a concerned look, she shouldn't have said anything.

"I'm gonna go get a drink" he got up and she followed him to the kitchen "I only have water" he warned and realized he only had one glass.

"That's fine" she watched as he poured and handed her the glass. She drank and placed it on the counter and Nick filled it up for himself.

As he tasted the water it almost seemed different, as if the taste changed. He knew it was the same water as always, it didn't go bad, it didn't get better. It was the fact he was relaxed, unlike the past week, when everything crushing on to him. He almost couldn't remember why and he liked it.

He looked at Amanda and knew it was her. Damn, even in the midst of this, she made him laugh, or at least think about it, because her laughter, it was like music to his ears and…

Nick realized he was staring but he didn't want to stop. Why couldn't he just look at her when it made him feel so good? He wanted to kiss her so much.

"I want to kiss you" was he thinking out loud? Did he just say that? Because saying it would be a mistake (he couldn't think of a single reason why it would be wrong) and doing it... It would feel good to kiss her, he knew that from experience. It felt goof even though he and Amanda happened by accident, maybe the good things in his life were accidents, but many important discoveries were accidental, like…Penicillin. Maybe he and Amanda were like Penicillin.

Did she reply? Should he ask again (did he ask the first time?). The need for closeness was something he couldn't put into words, he couldn't explain it, understand it.

He was about to apologize when her lips curved and her hand reached his cheek, touching the beard and smiling at him. She's been wanting to kiss him for such a long time, how could she say no?

Their lips connected for a moment, it was a soft touch, shy, innocent. They looked into the others eye and knew that it was still there, the undefined force that pushed them together.

Nick's mind was completely blank and he loved that, all he wanted to feel was Amanda's lips against his again. So he kissed her. This time the innocence was gone, and his hands joined in, sliding around her back while hers moved to his shoulders. He let his body take over, not thinking, losing control. Her mouth opened, welcoming his tongue and the kiss felt familiar, comforting in a way. As they kissed their bodies moved closer and without thinking, his body was still in charge, Nick picked her up. She made a sound and Nick pulled away from her mouth, looking at her to make sure he wasn't stepping over the line. But Amanda just kissed him again, pushing all the doubts and questions away. This, with Nick, was something else, why did they have to think about it?

As he held her up Amanda's fingers were in his hair and he had to take her somewhere but there was no bed (because…).

The dining table was just a few steps from them and Nick did his best to get there without bumping into a box and without breaking the kiss. He carefully lowered her onto the surface and they had to pull away and look at one another. This was just the time to hesitate, to ask what they were doing. But neither of them wanted that, wrong or right didn't matter. They both wanted and needed what was about to happen.

Amanda was sitting at the edge of the table and she spread her legs so Nick could get closer. The facial hair was different but Amanda didn't care, up until now she didn't realize how much she missed his hands on her body. Another short break for air and they were back at it, hands roaming the other's body. Soon they both needed more and pulled away, breathing heavily and looking at one another. There were no more question marks in their eyes.

Nick looked at her and his fingers caressed her cheek and moved lower, to her neck, loving the softness of her skin. He kept on traveling down, touching her collarbone. He was moving slowly, time wasn't going anywhere.

He slowly continued down her chest, his hand moving between her breasts to her stomach and finally he reached the fly of her jeans. Nick fumbled with it, it wasn't heavy machinery, why was he having a hard time with this task? Amanda lifted herself up a little when he was able to unzip it and he pushed her pants and underwear down, not wasting time on taking off her shoes.

He quickly undid his pants and took his clothes off kissing her again and pulling her closer. Her hands moved between them, caressing his growing member. He growled into her mouth and pulled away, he was losing grip on what was going on and couldn't take it anymore.

Carefully he moved her closer to him, grabbed a hold of himself and slid into her. It felt so good, Nick needed a moment but Amanda reminded him she's the boss by moving her right hand to his ass and squeezing a little. This got her what she wanted and he started moving, pulling out and pushing back inside. Soft moans and groans escape their mouths and once in a while Nick's lips trace her jaw, kiss her lips. It wasn't easy for him to focus on two things at once because the feeling of being buried inside of her distracted him from everything and he tried to control himself and not let it end too soon.

Amanda begged for more, and Nick complied, her hands were on his back and she felt the sweat through his t shirt. The table moved with each thrust and Amanda knew it won't be long until they both fall of the edge. She missed him so much that even this slightly uncomfortable encounter was sending her to heaven.

Her fingers dug into his back "ah…Nick" she cried out and a second later the orgasm took over her and she felt Nick join her as they rode the tide.

Nick rested his forehead against hers and stayed inside of her as he tried to catch his breath. He knew that slipping out of her would mean stepping back into reality and he wanted to stay with her.

Amanda's hands left his back and touched his palm, Nick moved away and helped her stand up. Now was the awkward part and they both remained silent as Amanda pulled her clothes back on. He was happy to see her smile when he turned to her, wearing his boxers and pants.

They were both in need of a shower but she didn't say a word about it, instead she grazed the beard again and shook her head a little "not a fan"

"No?" he smiled right back "I guess I could shave it"

"You should" she nodded.

"I will" he could see a bit of doubt in her eyes and decided to prove he was serious "right now if you say the word"

"What's the word?" she thought he was just kidding, the place was packed, he wouldn't have anything here.

"Come on…" she followed him into the bathroom and was surprised to see his belongings there, a towel, a tooth brush, tooth paste, a small bag on the floor by the sink.

"I thought you weren't staying here" there was no bed, where did he sleep? On the floor?

"I wasn't" he nodded "but I have been in the last few days so I brought a few things and also this" he found the razor (which he didn't use once) and showed it to her.

Amanda didn't ask anymore questions, she figured something must have happened between him and his mother if he stayed in this empty house. But what could have happened if just a week ago he was with her at the hospital?

"Damn it" he was going through the bag and she looked at him, maybe she could get some answers now "I don't have the trimmer here"

"Ha?" she wasn't sure what he was talking about.

"For the beard you hate so much. I must have left it at…" he stopped talking and sat down on the floor, leaning against the sink.

"At your mom's place?" he didn't reply to Amanda's question, wanting the afterglow to last, the not thinking about reality "what happened?"

Nick looked down at his hands and then at the woman standing in the small bathroom, the woman he just had sex with, the woman who was so close but was going to be so far soon.

But soon wasn't now. Now she was right there in front of him so Nick told her everything.

* * *

To be continued (probably)


	3. Chapter 3

A week ago, the day Amanda sat with him at the hospital, the doctor and Nick walked into the room and saw his mother lying on the bed, not that long ago he was at a hospital room not too different from this one and she came to visit him.

"Mom" he rushed to her side.

"Nicky, I'm fine" she wasn't fooling him, and he turned to the doctor.

The man didn't seem to think she was fine and he spoke about tests, how not all of the results were back yet. But they had a very strong suspicion this was cancer.

Nick didn't hear anything else, he tried to, but all he could do was hold his mother's hand tighter. Cancer.

Later that day, while the oncologist returned with more results, the look in his eyes said that it was final, she was sick. He talked about starting treatments, chemo (chemo!), side effects. Nick tried to listen, take it all in, but he couldn't shake the fear.

"I am always available for anything" the doctor said and looked at Nick and Cesaria.

"How soon can we start?" Nick asked, was now a possibility?

"Nicky, wait" Cesaria looked at him.

"Of course the sooner the better, but first we need to make a plan so I would like you to come by to my office tomorrow morning. I will get the remaining results by then and we can build a plan for your recovery"

How could his mother, a woman who didn't smoke and ate healthy get lung cancer? The doctor couldn't give him a satisfying answer and his mother said it didn't matter.

She was released and on the way home Nick told her they'd fight it and win. It would all be fine. Not easy (he was realistic) but fine.

Cesaria was quiet and Nick let her rest, he stayed up the entire night and read about it, the treatments, the statistics, stories of survivors. It was a lot of information and Nick didn't admit to himself it was too much and it clouded his mind. When he looked up from the computer Nick noticed the sun had already risen and tried to get some sleep, but he woke up an hour later.

"I made you a healthy breakfast mom" he greeted her with a smile when she walked to the kitchen. He made an omelet (egg whites only), vegetables (different colors).

"Nicky" she kissed his cheek "you didn't have to"

"I wanted to" he placed the food on the table "I meant what I said, I'm gonna be here for you"

"What about the move?" she tasted the omelet, he didn't use any salt.

"You need me more right now, I'm not gonna let you go through this alone"

"Can I go through this with salt?" she looked at the unseasoned omelet.

"Not a lot"

The doctor explained everything again, he answered all of their questions and Nick wrote it all down.

"I have something I would like to know" Cesaria seized an opportunity when Nick wrote down a name of a drug the doctor mentioned.

"Of course" the doctor gave her a slight smile, the fact her son took over the meeting didn't go unnoticed by him, but that wasn't the first time.

"Can we just wait a week or two before starting the treatment?" she asked and Nick gave her a worried look.

"Wait?" he didn't give the doctor a chance to reply "why would you want to wait mom? I mean, you heard the doctor, the sooner we fight this…"

"Nicky…"

"Timing is important" the doctor gave Nick a stern look "but if there is significance to waiting…"

"How could there be?" Nick placed the pen on the desk.

"I'm gonna give you a few minutes to talk about it" the doctor could see it was something personal and decided to give them space.

"What is it mom?" he tried to be calm, she was the one to make the decision, but there was only one right decision.

"Nicky, this is a lot, and you and…" she looked at the notebook "I need to think clearly, I want to go visit your sister, tell her face to face, not scare her"

"You're the one we need to worry about" Sonya was a big girl, she would have to handle it.

"My job is to worry about my children too, and Nick" she touched his arm "I know you care and I thank you for it, but I need some time to think, and I'm going"

Timing was essential, he read that somewhere. So spending a week or two in Miami? He'd take her there once she's healthy, for as long as she wants.

But Cesaria insisted and the doctor sided with her, she was the patient and if she wanted to postpone the treatments for two weeks it was her decision.

When she flew Nick couldn't stay in her apartment, he was angry and upset. With her, for taking her time. With himself for not pushing, for not noticing. She must have had symptoms but was too busy worrying about him and his leg. He took some things and slept on the floor of his (not for long) place. He tried calling but Sonya didn't answer, she sent him one text 'mom is fine, we'll call you, her phone is off so don't even try'. So he didn't know what was going on and was feeling terrible and angry and upset.

And that's when Amanda showed up.

* * *

"So you've been staying here while she's in Miami?" she asked even though he just told her.

"Yeah"

"I'm sorry Nick" at some point during the story Amanda sat down next to him and now placed her hand on his shoulder.

"I'm just really scared" he looked at his feet "what if she…I'm not ready for her to be gone" it was the first time he truly admitted that, the thought that his mom could die from this was shoved far far away and now he said it "even if I'm too old to feel this way"

"You're not" she said softly "it's understandable"

Amanda never got to meet Cesaria but she heard stories and knew how much Nick loved her.

"Maybe" he felt so frustrated, not being able to help.

"Want to call her from my phone? She doesn't have my number" Amanda offered and the idea made him raise his brows, it was a good one.

Amanda gave him some privacy and sat down in the bedroom (the one without a bed). The earlier drink of water turned into something more and they didn't finish going through all of the things in the room. Amanda thought about what happened on the dining table and wondered if he'd take it with him to LA. She kinda liked that thought, not the LA part of it, just the part where he'd have something that would maybe remind him of her. Did they have to talk about what happened? They had a little 'what ever happens – happens' deal going earlier, when they just started sleeping together. But a lot has happened.

Nick returned and she stood up and smiled at him.

"Thank you" he handed her the phone "she's gonna be back in a few days, with Sonya"

"Oh" Amanda wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing.

"Maybe I could ask the realtor if we can postpone the sell a bit" he said that mostly to himself, Sonya would stay at Cesaria's and there was no room there.

"I doubt it" Amanda looked at him "but, if you want to, you can stay at my place"

Nick wasn't sure what to say, staying at her apartment? That could be complicated "Amanda, thanks, but, I…we didn't even talk about…" he didn't have to elaborate.

"So let's talk about it" she shrugged, as if this wasn't a big deal "we had sex, what do you want to say?"

He had no idea.

"I don't know either, so what? You need a place to stay, and I'm offering, it doesn't mean anything" Amanda couldn't think of an explanation and she was tired of trying. They had an attraction, something drew them to one another and she didn't want to delve on it. She wanted to help him because she cared and wanted to, he's been through a rough time and helping him would be good for her. Helping others was something they talked about in GA, so why not help Nick, a man she…a man who was important to her and someone who cared about her.

Nick thought about it for a moment, now that they were no longer working together it wasn't a problem, he could stay there for a few days until his mother and sister return.

"But I have one condition" she warned "you have to bring that box with the pictures"

* * *

Amanda drove back to her place and Nick promised to be there after a quick stop at his mother's place to pick up more things. He also stopped at a barber shop to get a clean shave, he knew she'd like it.

"Frannie was excited to hear you're be staying with us" Amanda opened the door and the dog almost jumped on him.

"We haven't seen each other for a while" he walked in and placed his things on the floor so he could pat the dog who was clearly happy to see him "I missed you too" he laughed.

"I see you took care of your face" she noticed the beard was gone.

"I know a guy" he smiled.

It's been a while but the apartment was exactly the same, it was comforting, with all the changes around him.

"I brought Chinese" she walked to the kitchen and Nick followed her.

"Look Amanda…" he wanted to say something but wasn't sure how to phrase it.

"At what?" she tried to lighten the mood.

"Thanks you" he was going to say he didn't want things to be weird, that he was going to sleep on the couch, he was staying there, not living with her but she deserved gratefulness, not a 'we need to talk' conversation.

"I'm glad I could help" she handed him a box so he'd help her with the food.

They ate sitting on the couch and even though Frannie was curios, Amanda didn't share it with her.

Nick, on the other hand, was forced to share his childhood photos with Amanda. After all, it was the only condition she had.

"All of this laughing is discouraging me from telling you more" he placed the next photo behind his back.

"I'm sorry" she tried to calm down "but your band is cute, and your expressions, come on!" she tried to snatch the photo from him but he didn't give in.

"It's the last day with the guys anyway" he handed it to her "Tommy's father moved and we didn't stay in touch"

"The band broke up" she looked at him with a sad smile "before you could even agree on a name"

"I think the music world survived" he leaned back on the couch, at least it was the last one from that era and the only things that remained in that box weren't too embarrassing.

"Here you look much more like yourself" she was looking at a slightly older Nick, he was sitting next to his sister at a restaurant "nice haircut"

"Yeah, I didn't try that other look again" he looked at himself and Sonya, she was smiling widely, it was her birthday and he remembered her acting like she was a princess that day, he got tired of it and wasn't in a good mood when they went out to dinner.

"You two never got along?" Amanda looked at him.

"I just felt like I had to protect her, our mom was working hard so I had to be responsible for her. But she didn't try being responsible herself, so…we had a lot of disagreements"

"She's kind of a free spirit" she smiled at him.

"That's just a nice definition of irresponsible, someone has to take care of paying the bill"

"I know you think you're that person, but you don't have to be. It's ok if you let some things go"

Nick placed the photo back in the box. He knew it was a good advice, he felt like he had to take care of everything, be the man of the family. It wasn't hard to know why, with how things worked with his father. He couldn't be the free spirit, to do whatever he wanted without thinking of the consequence. The times he did act without thinking almost always ended up with violence.

His face was a few inches from Amanda's and if he made a slight move their lips would meet. But now he was thinking about the consequence, the future, the fact there wasn't one. Earlier, at his place, when they stopped thinking, it felt so good to be with her. He was happy, it wasn't just the physical pleasure, it was something else. Was it that bad? He didn't want to hurt her. If they start something up it couldn't end any other way? Could it?

Nick could almost feel her skin against his and he wanted to throw responsibility away, he knew how it would feel to kiss and touch her and he wanted to do both so badly.

"What are we doing?" this question has been asked and not asked so many times before, it sounded meaningless. They could never answer it.

Amanda didn't know herself, she wanted Nick and didn't want to fight it "I don't care" she replied honestly to his question and caught his lips with hers. Yes, it was complicated, but not when he touched her and she longed for that. So if they had only a short time together, why not make the best of it?

Nick was convinced, at this time in his life, with all the mess, Amanda was something good. And the future…it would have to wait.

* * *

The mattress was heaven on his back and Amanda on top of him was heaven to the rest of his body. They took things slower this time, removing all of their clothes and leaving them on the floor. Nick didn't realize how much he missed the way her skin tasted. He couldn't get enough of it. He loved the spot her neck and shoulder met and was kissing and nibbling it excitedly. But Amanda was getting lost in his actions, she was sitting on top of him, his hands on her bare back, his lips on a spot that could drive her crazy, something Nick knew from experience. She could feel his hardness against her but decided to be patient, she wanted her chance to explore him. Nick finally moved lower and his lips followed the swell of her left breast to her nipple sucking on it until he heard her moan and then let his teeth tease it which released another approving sound from her lips. Nick looked at her and loved the look she gave him, a teasing stare, as if she was challenging him to make her feel more, better. He was more than happy to oblige.

She leaned down to kiss his lips and without parting Nick turned them around so she was on her back and he was on top. His lips glided lower and lower, making sure not to leave any spot of her chest and abdomen unkissed, untasted. He glanced at her just before he reached the lower part of her body, he couldn't wait to make her climax using his mouth and fingers but he had to look at her face, see those flushed cheeks, the parted lips, hear her voice dripping with desire as she calls his name, asking him to touch her. Nick waits one second, it feels like forever, and his lips are between her thighs, his tongue moves inside her and he's not sure how he can get enough.

Later, when he'd be alone, he'd realize that she was the best distraction he could have asked for, that being with her made everything else wait, and he needed that.

* * *

When Nick woke up in the morning, the first thing he saw in front of him is Amanda's back. She, just like him, was still naked and he took his time looking at her. They couldn't let each other go and it was the exhaustion that finally forced them to catch some sleep. He didn't want to wake her so he just enjoyed this opportunity to trace the outlines of her body with his eyes, the back of her neck, her shoulder blades, her spine. He carefully got out of the bed and walked to the bathroom to take a quick shower, smiling to himself when he saw more than one mark she had left on him. It was all he could think about, standing under the water with a goofy grin on his face.

"Nick?" he heard her call and turned off the water just when she walked in, dressed in her jogging gear (much to his disappointment) "I'm taking Frannie out, we'll be back soon"

Nick quickly finished with the shower and brushed his teeth.

Once he was dressed and standing in the small kitchen he felt reality hit him, he remembered his mother's situation and how useless he felt about it. This was the exact moment he realized how distracting in a good way Amanda was.

She was back a while later and joined Nick for a breakfast he was able to scrape from the things he had found in her fridge.

"You gave me quite a challenge" he said when he placed the pretty pathetic looking salad on the counter.

"There's also toast with butter" she protested "and your best is an omelet, so don't get cocky" she winked and grabbed a piece of toast.

Nick knew she was right, he wasn't much of a cook and the home cooked meals were made by his mother.

From his expression Amanda could tell he was thinking of her and she placed her hand on his arm. There was a little butter smeared on her finger and she let him go so she could wipe it off.

"So why didn't you go back to her place when she went to see your sister?" she asked "I get that you wanted to get away for a night or two, but a week?"

Nick shrugged, he didn't know the answer himself "I was upset, still am. I guess I just didn't want to be there"

Amanda took a piece of lettuce but decided it has seen better days and was too old to be eaten "you know…" she didn't finish the sentence, not wanting to upset him even more, but Nick gave her a questioning look, asking her to say what she was thinking.

"I know it's hard, but she's the one who's sick. Think about how she's feeling" she looked straight into his eyes "you need to be there for her without criticism, just support her, that's what she's going to need. And I" she gave him a slight smile "I'll be here for you, ok?"

Nick nodded, she was right, he's gonna have to try to control himself, it wasn't the easiest thing for him. But it wasn't about him "thank you"

* * *

Amanda left for work and Nick drove to his house to finish up. All that was left was to place the boxes in storage, at least until he figures out when he'd move to California. He realized he had to talk to the kids, let them know their grandma was sick. But he wasn't going to do that before asking her.

After moving all of the boxes to the living room, walking into every room to make sure it was empty. Nick looked around the space, this was it. The only thing left in the house was the table, the new owners liked it. The memory of the sexual encounter he just had there with Amanda put a smile on his face, he made sure to clean it.

His phone buzzed just when he sat in the car and he saw his sister's name on the screen. Worry ran through him, something must have happened.

"Sonya?" he asked.

"Hey Nick, how's it going?"

Really? She was asking him this question?

"What's going on Sonya?" he didn't reply.

"Mom's fine, I just wanted to let you know we're flying to New York today, mom decided to return to start the treatments soon"

"When are you landing? I will pick you up from the airport"

"Our flight takes off in an hour so…"

That was just like Sonya to tell him at this stage, maybe he should be happy she didn't call when they were already in New York.

"I'll be there" he didn't criticize, not wanting to argue over the phone. It wasn't time for that anyway.

* * *

Nick waited at the airport for Cesaria and Sonya. He had time to drop the keys at the realtor's, the final confirmation his days in that place were over.

"Mom" he rushed to his mother when he spotted her and his sister "how was the flight?" he intentionally didn't ask anything else, something that surprised his sister.

"It was fine" she gave him a quick hug.

"Come on, I'll drive you home" he took their bags and they walked to his car "I know you want to stay with mom, so don't worry, I'm staying with a friend"

"Didn't know you had any" Sonya teased.

"Sonya" Cesaria scolded her younger child and Nick felt like they were kids again, with his sister bugging him and their mother having to step in.

* * *

 _To be continued (probably)_

* * *

 _A few things I wanted to say…_

 _First, this is not only a Rollaro story, it's also an Amaro family fic. I feel like his mother never had a personality (she was just a babysitter) so I'm trying to give her one. Also, I want to explore his relationship with his sister. So I hope you'll like that._

 _Even though I did some research, the cancer treatment part will be lacking, so I apologize for that._

 _And, lastly, I would like to say how important your reviews are. I love writing, and even though it's been a while since I wrote Rollaro fics, I'm having fun. But it means a lot for me to read your feedback, even if it's just a few words – it goes a long way._


	4. Chapter 4

Nick drove straight home and helped with the bags again. He didn't miss a look Cesaria gave to his sister, after which Sonya had an important phone call to make.

"Nicky I need to talk to you" she said once they were alone "I know you're unhappy about me leaving, but it was important to me"

"I know mom and I'm sorry" his eyes teared up a little "I promise, from now on, it's your way. I love you and I want you to get healthy, that's all that matters"

She smiled and hugged him tightly. Her son's words and his honesty delivering them, made her feel better. She knew what a hard year it's been for him, more than a year even. Now that she needed his support Cesaria was worried he'd want to take over everything, believing that this would cure her. That is why she took some time, she needed to think. She needed to grasp the fact she was seriously ill so she went to visit her daughter in Miami, to tell her and to rest before what was about to come. She was going to fight this, there was no doubt about that. But she needed a few days.

Now that it looked like Nick was going to support her she was relieved.

"You made up?" Sonya was smiling at them.

"We are ok" Cesaria smiled "now, how about I make my children something to eat"

Nick wanted to say he'd do it, she needed to rest. But Cesaria loved cooking and when they were kids, after they moved to New York, they'd spend time with her at the kitchen, trying to help with the cooking.

"Can you make your chocolate cake?" Sonya asked, licking her lips "I'm in love with it"

Cesaria chuckled but nodded "only if you two help"

"Of course Nick will" Sonya smiled wickedly and Nick frowned at her "what? I'll help eating"

As Cesaria took things out of the fridge she listened to her children bickering, Sonya reminded Nick about a time he tried to separate the eggs and ended up leaving shells in the batter and Nick reminded her that she doesn't know how to even start. Listening to the conversation she was taken back all the years ago, a young Sonya and a young Nicky. Even though they were much older, they were still hers and she wanted to be with them as long as she could and the cancer wasn't going to keep her away. She felt something wet run down her cheek and a few second later the kids stopped talking, she could almost feel them look at one another.

"Ma?" Nick rushed to her, followed by his younger sister.

"It's ok" she tried to calm them.

"Mom!" Sonya hugged her "don't be sad, Nick promised to separate the eggs perfectly!"

Cesaria smiled and patted Sonya's cheek and kissed Nick's "come on, let's start working on the cake, cause you get dessert only after dinner" the comment was directed to Sonya.

"So who is this friend you're staying with?" Sonya probed while he helped mixing one of the batters, Sonya's job was to criticize his work and ask inappropriate questions.

"Just a friend" Nick shrugged, trying to focus on the dark chocolate he was mixing in the large bowl. He didn't want to share, he didn't want to explain how complicated the situation was.

"But he's ok with you staying there?" she continued and Nick thought it would be best for her to think the friend was male "cause I'm gonna stay here and there's no room"

"Right now it's ok, and I'm gonna see about another place later" he wasn't thinking about it up until now, how long could he stay at Amanda's? They didn't talk about it and the way things were going, his thoughts about staying on the couch were long gone.

"I think that's good enough" Sonya approved and called their mother to continue. She stuck her finger inside and Nick shook his head "what? I need to make sure it's good"

"You've tasted this cake so many times, you know it's good" he took the bowl out of her reach and Cesaria smiled at them.

"You should being a piece to your friend" Sonya said and Nick wasn't sure if she meant something by it, did she suspect anything? "As a thank you"

"I will if you leave something"

At dinner that talked about seeing the doctor tomorrow morning. Cesaria wanted them all to go and Nick was glad she was keeping him in the loop. They changed the subject after that and talked about the weather, the food, the cake (not about Nick's friend). Nick took a few pieces for Amanda and left promising to drive them to the doctor.

"Love you mom" Nick gave Cesaria a hug and a kiss "and you" he gave Sonya a serious look which quickly turned into a grin "I love you too"

"See you tomorrow Nick" she smiled at him before shutting the door.

* * *

Amanda was sitting on the couch with a bottle of beer in her hand. She had a long day with work, a GA meeting and a walk with Frannie. She wanted to stare at the TV (which she was too tired to turn on) and drink her beer.

When the door opened, for a second she forgot about Nick staying with her, and was ready to kick the burglar's ass. But when Nick's beautiful face appeared (he had a box with something that looked like food) she felt so much joy, she wasn't even sure why.

"Hey" she smiled and sat up straight "how did it go?"

"It was ok" he walked over to the couch and sat down next to her "I brought you some of the cake we made"

"A cake?" she was expecting an update.

"We talked and tomorrow she has a meeting with the doctor, we will all go and hear what he has to say"

"And in the meantime" she opened the box "you made a cake"

"My mom and me" he let her know "Sonya was mostly bothering me"

Amanda chuckled but didn't make any comments, the cake looked good and she wanted to taste it. Nick stared at her as she chewed and waited for her to say something.

"I hope you don't want any" Amanda reached into the box and took another piece "Cause I'm not sharing"

Nick smiled, she had some chocolate smeared by her lip and he moved closer, leaving barely an inch between them, his mouth lingered by hers and he slowly licked the chocolate, leaving Amanda speechless.

"You taste better" he said and took a sip of her beer "I'm gonna take a shower"

Amanda smiled to herself as she watched him walk into the bathroom. Sometimes Nick did things like these, something she didn't expect, but gave her butterflies.

For a while she sat on the couch and listened to the sounds coming from the bathroom, the water running down Nick's body. That image made the butterflies even stronger but she gave up on the idea of joining him, they were both tired and right now she just wanted to sleep next to him. When the sound of the water had subsided Amanda got up, threw the bottle away and wished Frannie a good night.

She climbed into the bed and didn't have to wait long for Nick to show up. He entered the room wearing a pair of boxers and a t shirt he used to sleep in. When he got under the covers Amanda inhaled his scent, hoping he wouldn't notice. She always loved the way he smelled after a shower, she couldn't identify the scent. She wanted to ask Nick if he bought that product because of the smell, but she had a feeling he wouldn't appreciate the question.

Nick looked at Amanda, noticing the slight smile on her face and gave her a quick kiss on her soft lips. He rested his head on the pillow before turning to her again.

"Amanda" he looked at her "how was your meeting?" he remembered her mentioning it earlier today and wanted to hear about it even though she didn't talk much about them. He knew how important they were for her and he was glad she didn't miss them.

"It was fine" she said and from the look on her face Nick knew he wasn't getting more information. Even though he was curios Nick accepted he answer, there was something so private in those meetings, he couldn't completely understand it.

"Good" he caressed her forehead "I'm here for you too, you know"

Neither said anything else and they drifted off to sleep trying to not to think about how long he was actually there for.

* * *

The morning seemed to be identical to any other morning. The sun was shining, people were out and about, the streets were busy. But for Nick it was far from ordinary. So many days in the last year (years) have changed his life, but this one wasn't his fault, this one he had no control over. This was the hard part, other times he could think about his mistakes, how he should have acted differently. Unless…maybe it was all those things (divorce, a secret kid, being arrested twice, injury, retirement…), the long list was a lot for a life time, yet alone a few years. Maybe he was to blame for that too.

"Nick?" Amanda said softly, she noticed he was lost in thoughts and knew whatever he was thinking about wasn't good "wanna join us for a jog?"

"Yeah" Nick had enough time before he had to drive over to his mother's place, sitting at home would be a bad idea and a run with Amanda and Frannie sounded good.

He got dressed quickly and they all walked into the street.

Running next to Amanda and Frannie did wonders. The air, the exercise, Amanda. It made the day seem normal, as if going with his girlf…Amanda for a jog was his routine. They returned home and Amanda walked into the shower so she could get ready for work. Nick didn't even realize how sweaty he was and wondered if maybe he had a hard time keeping up with her.

"How about some water" Nick looked at Frannie and filled her bowl.

"Hope you're not spoiling her" Amanda stepped into the room, a towel wrapped around her and Nick smiled at her.

"Are you scared she'd like me more?" he teased and took a few steppes towards her. He didn't give her a chance to reply and kissed her, not caring that she was fresh out of the shower while he was still sweaty from the jog.

When their lips parted the two of them stared at one another for a few seconds and Amanda was the first to speak.

"It's gonna be ok" she wasn't sure why she said it, this wasn't something she could promise. But it seemed like it was what he needed to hear.

Nick gave her another kiss and walked into the shower. When he walked out Amanda was gone and Frannie was eating her food. He got dressed fast and left the apartment. Not ready for any of this.

* * *

The meeting with the doctor was over and Nick drove them home. The first chemo was scheduled for the day after tomorrow. So many things were said, the doctor's plan, Nick and Sonya's part, the side effects, what to expect and more.

They drove home in silence and Cesaria decided to go rest for a while, leaving her children in the living room.

"How long can you stay?" Nick asked, the doctor made it clear a recovery would take a lot of time.

"I'm here until mom's better" she sat down on the couch and took her shoes off.

"Is that ok with your job and your apartment?" Nick wasn't even sure what she was doing now, his mother mentioned she was bartending but Sonya changes so many jobs he wasn't sure.

"Don't worry about it" she looked away and Nick was even more concerned now.

"Sonya?"

"Nick?"

He didn't even have to ask anything else, suddenly it was clear to him why staying here wasn't a problem. He didn't like it.

"I can't believe it…" he lowered his voice, not wanting to bother Cesaria, but Sonya didn't let him finish the sentence, she stood up and didn't try too hard to stay quiet.

"You always do this Nick" she looked at him "act like you're better than me cause you don't want anything to do with dad. Well, guess what! I'm ok with him. And it's ok that he helps me with money so I can help OUR mother"

"A man who treated OUR mother like a door mat…"

Sonya interrupted again "oh! Well if it isn't Nick Amaro, the number one man to teach the human kind about treating others with nothing but respect and kindness, ha? The perfect husband and father. I think you've tried to solve more than one problem with your fists"

"And I paid for it" he regained control over his voice again and talked quietly "trust me, I lost a lot because of that. He never learned his lesson, he still thinks he hasn't done anything wrong"

"Well, it's none of your business, dad's helping me so I can stay here with mom, and sadly with you too and…"

"Fine" Nick raised his hands, he surrendered because this argument couldn't get them anywhere "I'm gonna go, call me if you need me and I'll be back tomorrow"

"Ok" she nodded.

"Love you" he gave her a quick kiss "call me"

"Toe swear" it was something she used to say to him when they were kids, a game she made up.

Nick smiled at her and left.

* * *

Sitting in the car Nick leaned back in his seat, he asked himself what was next. Sure, there was a schedule, but it didn't tell him when to feel what. Right now, Nick had no idea how to feel. He was on a rollercoaster that didn't stop, no matter how many times he screamed, how many times he puked. Nothing slowed down for him and he wanted it to, he needed a break, before it gets worse.

It was too early for Amanda to be back so Nick spent some time with Frannie, he took her for a walk and read some of the pamphlets the doctor gave him, there was so much information but Nick felt like he wasn't getting any of it, everything was in English but it seemed like a foreign language.

After few hours of reading the door opened and Amanda walked in, smiling at him. She greeted Frannie and walked to the couch so she could see what he was reading.

"How did it go?" she sat down and looked at him.

Nick shrugged, he didn't know the answer "she starts the chemo the day after tomorrow and we'll see. I'm reading all of these…" he pointed at the pamphlets.

Amanda took the one he gestured at and read a few sentences "are you thinking about going to a support group?" that's what it was about.

"What? No" Nick felt bad for saying that, he knew GA helped her but he didn't want to talk to a bunch of strangers "I mean…" he tried to apologize, but she didn't seem upset.

"It's ok" she caressed his back "but you can talk to me, ok?"

"Thank you" he gave her a soft kiss, her support was enough.

"And look" Amanda kept on reading "you can try yoga"

"I don't know about that either" he liked fast paced sports, boxing, running.

"Come on" she stood up and grabbed his hand "I'll teach you"

Nick was pretty doubtful about trying it, but then again, why shouldn't he? He wasn't into trying too many new things, why not start now?

"Ok" Amanda moved the coffee table to make more room and stood in front of Nick "this one is called warrior one, just do what I do"

Nick tried to mimic the pose, she was much more flexible but he did his best and once he felt like he was done Nick waited for a few moments until she tells him what to do next "now what?" he finally asked.

"You need to stay like this for more than ten seconds Nick" she smiled "I'll show you another one, it's called downward facing dog"

This time Nick just watched as she got into position and he couldn't control his lips when she seemed to be done "I like this one" he stared at butt.

"Very funny" she scolded him "your turn, come on"

Nick followed Amanda's instructions and soon stood in the same position next to her. He decided he wasn't into yoga, specially since she instructed him not to raise his head so he couldn't look at her.

"Ok, that's enough" she said and showed him how to get out of the pose "you did ok"

"Thanks, but I'm gonna stick to something else"

Amanda didn't say anything and walked to the fridge to get a glass of water "I'm gonna take Frannie out"

"I already did that"

"Thanks" she patted the dog "so I'm gonna take a shower"

"Call me if you're gonna do any yoga in there, I don't mind watching you do it" he winked.

"No yoga" she moved closer to him "but you can watch anyway"

Nick happily followed her into the small bathroom and undressed before Amanda could even turn on the water. She giggled when his strong arms wrapped around her.

Amanda always loved the way Nick held her, his body radiating warmth that surrounded her, making her feel sheltered. Sometimes she wanted to stay like that with until the end of their days, just be in his arms.

"Turn around" she pulled away "I'll soap your back"

Nick turned his back to her and let the warm water run down his body while Amanda took the bottle of soap and put some in her hand. As she ran her palms over his back Amanda smiled to herself, she still couldn't quite grasp what it smelled like and didn't see it on the bottle. She enjoyed rubbing his back and kept on going even when the water washed all of the soap away. Nick wasn't complaining, he liked the impromptu massage and let out an approving moan when she reached his lower back.

She rested her forehead against his back and inhaled his scent, moving her hands around his waist.

Nick placed his palms over hers and didn't say anything until she let him go. Her hair was wet and some stuck to her face so Nick gently moved it away while they stared at each other.

"We're wasting water" Amanda said quietly.

"I can't stop looking at you" he confessed, an invisible force preventing him to look away. He felt like right now nothing but them existed.

Amanda couldn't keep a smile from forming, the look in his eyes told her he meant it and she wasn't sure what to say.

"I'm gonna walk out now" he knew that if he puts his hands on her, it'd be hard for him to stay away.

He walked out of the shower and grabbed a towel to dry himself off. After getting dressed he waited for Amanda to join him in the living room. Frannie climbed on the couch and rested her head in his lap, Nick patted her till he heard Amanda step in. She walked straight to the fridge to grab herself the leftovers from yesterday's dinner.

"I'm starving" she said while she placed the plate in the microwave.

"Busy day?"

"The usual" she shrugged, not giving him more details "so how's your mom? She said anything?"

"Not much" he waited for her to join him on the couch before continuing "I don't know what she's thinking. I had a little fight with Sonya though"

"What about?" she wasn't surprised.

"Turns out our father is giving her money so she could stay here. Who knows how long this is going to take, and she has no income. So he helps her out, as usual. I just don't know how she can take anything from him, after…" he shook his head.

"Was she too young to remember?"

"I don't think he ever hurt her, just mom and me. But she saw it more than once. Some things you can't forgive, and I won't forgive him"

"You don't have to" she touched his knee "but you can't worry about her doing it. Try to focus on your mom. Both of you are here to help her, so, just do it" her plate was empty and she placed it on the coffee table, which Nick put back in it's place after their short yoga session.

"I know, but it bothers me. She acts like I need to forgive him too and I can't and I don't want to"

"So don't talk to her about it" she squeezed his knee "talk about other things, I'm sure you can find something else to talk about. Something neutral, like…food maybe"

Nick chuckled and nodded, he wanted to have a better relationship with Sonya but their father was a serious hurdle.

"And you can tell me when you're upset with her" she said and leaned in to kiss him, but Nick moved, not letting her lips meat his. He suddenly stood up, leaving Amanda on the couch with a confused expression.

"I'm sorry" he looked at her apologetically "I don't even know how many times I should thank you for this" he was talking about more than just giving him a place to stay "but I can't shake that I'm…using you"

"What?" she stood up.

"That I'm here while things are tough, but am leaving. And us, as much as I like it, I don't know"

"You think you're using me?" she took a few small steps towards him "you don't think that I like it when you're here? That when you hug me or touch me or whatever, you don't think that it makes me feel good too? Maybe I'm the one who's using you?" Nick didn't reply and just looked at her "and about this being temporary" she shrugged "well, what isn't?"

* * *

 _How will Nick react? Will Sonya and Nick get along? And will he ever try yoga again?_

 _You'll find out soon_


	5. Chapter 5

_For those of you who wondered about the team - they are not going to appear in the story._  
 _The 'probably' in the first chapters was just a joke, I'm actually trying to write a bit more which is why you got a quick update._  
 _Hope you like this one._

* * *

…What isn't?"

Amanda asked and Nick's heart skipped a beat. They were here now, they were making each other feel good and that's the only thing that mattered. Nick closed the gap and kissed her. He didn't deserve her, but she wanted him and he wanted to be with her.

Nick's arms wrapped around her, pulling her body to his, he didn't let go of her as they walked back to the couch, but the kiss prevented them to make steady steps and Nick tripped, pulling Amanda on the floor with him. They laughed but didn't bother getting up and continued making out on the floor.

Frannie watched the lovers for just a second, it wasn't anything she hasn't seen before so she walked away to drink from her bowl.

Nick's phone rang and for a few second he ignored it, not wanting to be away from Amanda's lips and body. But Amanda pulled away and told him to get it.

"Sonya?" he tried not to answer her calls with _what's wrong_? Even though whenever she called he was afraid something bad had happened.

Amanda sat on the floor and listened in as he talked to his sister. He was mostly listening, trying to get a few words in but Sonya didn't seem to let him.

"Alright, have fun and I'll see you" Nick placed the phone on the coffee table and sat down on the couch.

"What?" Amanda stood up.

"She said that tomorrow they are having a girls day, I'm not invited, but I don't think I'd look good with colorful nails"

"Oh no?" she sat down and grabbed his left hand "I think black would suit you"

"I think I'm gonna pass"

"I'm working the late shift tomorrow, so we can spend some time together if you want to. But I am disappointed you don't want me to paint your nails"

"I'm not painting yours either, my sister begged me once and never again!"

"Oh I need to hear that story" Amanda laughed loudly, her head moving backwards.

Nick smiled and waited for her to calm down "it's not such a big deal, but she had a party at school and _needed_ her nails painted. Our mom wasn't home and she asked me to help her out because she _needed_ it to be _perfect_. So I reluctantly agreed and first she was very grateful, but when I started, and she realized I had no talent she started crying. Apparently there was a boy she liked there"

"So what did you do?"

"I asked her what kind of a guy cared that much about something like that and she started crying even harder, said I was disregarding her happiness…what?" Amanda was laughing again "she said that I was disregarding her happiness"

"First your band breaks up and then you ruin your sister's happiness" she smiled.

"I thought you wanted to support me" he teased.

"Sorry, so how did it end? What happened with the boy and the nails?"

"I don't know, she let the nail polish be and didn't say anything about it"

"Fine" Amanda nodded "I'm convinced, you don't have to paint my nails"

"Thank you for understanding" he moved closer "but if there's anything else…" his lips brushed against her neck.

"This feels pretty good" she tilted her head to give him room.

"Come on" he grabbed her hand and led her to the bedroom, twirling and then pulling her to him.

"Hey"

"Hi"

Their lips met briefly but both wanted to move this along and they parted so they could get rid of the clothes that hid the other's body. Once they stood completely bare in front of the other their lips and hands connected, tasting, feeling. After a while Amanda lay down on the bed and Nick got on top of her, he smiled before capturing her lips again. His right hand moved down to her right breast, lightly pinching her nipple and then lower until he was between her thighs. Not letting go of her mouth his was able to find her clit and gently circled it. She pushed herself into him, wanting more. Nick let go of her mouth and his lips glided down her body, he moved quickly, until he was between her spread thighs, he could tell she was waiting for this and didn't make her wait any longer before he let his tongue move to her clit, flicking it a bit and then going lower and entering her body. His movements were enthusiastic as he was determined to give her one hell of an orgasm. He pushed his tongue as far as he could and Amanda let out a gasp, with her hands she pushed him even dipper, but let go when she felt his tongue leave her core. She needed more.

"Why did you stop?" her breath was a little rugged, clearly his actions had the desired effect.

"You want more?" he acted clueless.

"Damn it, you know I do" she tried to raise her hips but Nick placed his hand on her lower abdomen, preventing her from doing so "I want you to…"

Nick didn't wait for more, he dove in between her legs and lapped on her clit, making her cry out again. He didn't ease up, his hands moved up and down her body and his tongue entered her again. Amanda's eyes were shut, and she trembled under him when the climax took control over her body. Nick slowed down until he let her go. His lips stayed on her skin as he made his way up.

"Nick" she was trying to catch her breath and caressed his cheek "I want you inside me Nick"

He looked into her eyes as he positioned himself between her legs again and slowly entered her waiting body. They kept on staring at each other as he moved in and out of her.

Nick rested his forehead against hers "you feel incredible" he whispered and quickened his pace a little, he felt her meet each of his thrusts and then wrap her legs around his waist.

He kissed her, and felt her palms on his back, her whole body wrapped around him but he felt something more, as if this wasn't just physical.

Amanda opened her eyes and they looked at each other again. She felt surrounded by him, something inside of her hurt, but the pain was good, she didn't want it to go away, just more and more of it. Amanda tried closing her eyes, not looking, but it only made the feeling even stronger, her body was convulsing as the orgasm approached and her heart ached with something she couldn't grasp. She heard Nick grunt, felt him thrust harder and seconds later he came inside of her and she wasn't far behind, feeling the pleasure mix with the incredible pain and she lost control over her body and wasn't sure where she was.

"Amanda?" Nick turned to her "are you ok?"

She thought he looked concerned and realized a few tears were running down her cheeks "I'm fine" she smiled and turned to face him. This has never happened before and she wasn't sure what to think.

"Yeah?" he wiped a tear away.

Amanda nodded and reached for his hand, Nick entwined his fingers with hers and moved a little closer.

"You know" she grinned at him "we're pretty good at this"

Nick chuckled and let her hand go so he could caress her cheek, the tears had dried off "you sure you're ok?"

"Yes" she smiled and placed her leg over his "I promise"

Nick caressed her thigh without taking his eyes off hers, Amanda rested her hand on his chest and after a while with the two of them not taking their eyes off each other Amanda moved closer and placed her head by her hand, feeling his skin under hers. The aching in her heart didn't subside, it just grew as Nick wrapped both his arms around her, holding her as they fell asleep.

* * *

As much as Nick loved feeling Amanda's tongue on him, he didn't appreciate this. He wasn't sure why she thought he'd like it on his heel and it also felt different, weird and not enjoyable at all.

"Stop it Amanda" he mumbled, still too tired to open his eyes "I don't like it"

"Stop what?" she was still half asleep.

Nick opened his eyes and saw that her mouth was inches from his and sat up quickly "Frannie!" he moved his leg away.

"What?" Amanda opened her eyes and started laughing when she realized what happened "I need to take her for a walk, we overslept"

"You have a funny way of waking me up Frannie" Nick covered himself up with the blanket, which only made Amanda laugh again.

"You can go back to sleep if you want" she patted the dog and got out of the bed, giving Nick a full view of her body "I'm gonna take a quick shower and you and I" she looked at Frannie "will go out"

Nick closed his eyes, wanting to catch up on some sleep. When he opened his eyes he heard Amanda in the living room, playing with Frannie and realized it's been over an hour since she woke up.

"If this isn't the sleeping beauty" Amanda teased him when he walked into the room "I thought about sending Frannie to give you a wake up call, but she refused"

"You're being mean" he was about to walk into the bathroom "I wouldn't have complained if it were you"

After the shower Nick got dressed and joined Amanda in the living room "wanna go out for breakfast? There's a new place not far from here, they have great pancakes" she offered.

"Sounds great" Nick wondered if she went there with someone else.

He opened the door for her after grabbing his wallet and phone, he knew Sonya wasn't going to call while they were having this girl's day. But with her starting the treatment is was probably a good idea, who knew how many chances like this they'd have.

Amanda drank coffee while they waited for the food to arrive, Nick ordered blubbery pancakes and Amanda ordered chocolate pancakes with whipped cream.

"You want to go do something after we eat?" she asked.

"I don't know"

The waitress placed their plates on the table and Nick chuckled when he noticed the tower of pancakes and cream in front of her "if I didn't know better, I'd ask myself if you can finish the whole thing" he grabbed a bite of his food.

"Well then, if you want some you better get it now" she gestured at her plate.

"Not right now" he said and looked out of the window "tomorrow everything will be different, I don't know what to expect"

"Are you going to spend the night at her place?" she asked.

"Not tonight, but tomorrow…maybe, I'll ask her" he took another bite.

"That's good"

"Let's talk about something else, ok?" he smiled, needing as much time without thinking about it as possible.

"How do you like your pancakes?" she changed the subject.

"Not bad" he answered.

"That's all? Maybe you should try mine, I love them" she cut a piece and raised the fork so he could have a bite. There was a lot of cream on it and when Nick's lips closed around the food some of the cream got on the tip of his nose.

"Maybe I should ask Frannie to lick it away" she smiled widely.

"Very funny, I was asleep" he took a napkin and wiped it off.

"You're lucky I love her so I'm not offended" she took another bite.

Nick grinned and stole another bite of her food "it is better" he said.

"Told ya"

* * *

They walked out of the restaurant and weren't sure where to go. Neither wanted to return home, this day was about taking his mind off things.

"Maybe a movie?" she offered "I can't remember the last time I went to a movie theater"

"I don't know, they all seem to be bad"

"All of the movies?" Amanda smiled "every movie ever made or just the ones that are out now?"

"You know what I mean" he stopped walking and Amanda waited for him to say something or make a decision "I want to show you something"

Amanda followed him to the subway and then back into the street, to the place he was leading her to. He didn't say much about where they were going and Amanda didn't ask.

Finally he stopped by an old building and looked at it for a while before telling her where they were "this is the apartment we moved into, when we left my father" he pointed on a window "it was tiny and I shared a room with Sonya while mom slept in the living room"

He couldn't take his mind off things, no matter how much he wanted to. She gave up so much for the sake of her children and this was her reward?

"There was a playground not far away and I used to take Sonya there sometimes when mom was working"

"Is it still there?" she asked.

"I don't know, it's been a long time since I've been here"

"Wanna go see?" she looked at him and he nodded, showing her the way.

"Looks like it's still here" she noted when she could see a yellow slide up ahead.

"Yeah, can't say it looks much better" he chuckled.

"Let's go check it out" she rushed to the playground, there was no one else there and Amanda sat down on one of the swings "I'm trying to picture you here"

Nick sat down on the swing next to her "I liked this swing set"

"How about a little competition? Let's see who gets higher faster" she grinned and started swinging.

Nick accepted the challenge, it's been a long time but soon enough he was high enough to be the winner.

"Good job" she said loudly and when the swing slowed down a little she jumped off to the ground, she didn't land well and fell on her knees.

Nick quickly stopped his swing and walked to check on her, trying not to laugh "you're out of shape" he extended his hand to help her up.

"Yeah, I think my career in jumping off swings is over" she brushed the dirt off her jeans and smiled at him.

"You're ok?" he touched her shoulder.

"But we're not too old for swings so how about a rematch?"

"I'm gonna have to let you win, with your injury" he looked at her knees.

"Such a gentleman" Amanda leaned in to kiss him "how do you know I didn't let you win?"  
"Did you?"

"You'll never know" Amanda shrugged, she checked her phone, it was getting late and she had to get to work soon "we need to go back"

They made their way to the apartment in silence, her hand was on his most of the subway ride and that was all he needed. At the apartment Nick volunteered to take the dog for a walk and Amanda left for work.

Nick tried to pass the time until the next morning. He talked to his kids and avoided the topic of moving, he still wasn't sure when would be the right time to tell them about Cesaria, but he was going to do it face to face no matter what.

He went to the gym and worked out for a long time. During physiotherapy he had to pace himself but now that his leg was ok he was back to his old routine, lifting weights, boxing, running on the treadmill. Exercise could make him lose track of time and right now it was appreciated. He wanted to be exhausted, to collapse in bed and not think, he'd have a lot of time for that tomorrow.

After another run with Frannie Nick was spent, he showered and barely made his way to bed. Closing his eyes and allowing sleep to take over him. He didn't even hear Amanda return home or get into bed.

Amanda had a long shift and was glad to be home. She was somewhat surprised to find Nick sleeping, he was stressed and she was glad he was getting some rest. Her eyes were focused on his face, even in his sleep he seemed tense, not getting any relief. She felt so bad for everything he's been going through, he was playing whack-a-mole with hardships. The image made Amanda giggle and he stirred a little. She was afraid to wake him up and took a deep breath to stop laughing. Life hasn't been fair on any of them, and she wasn't sure what was on the horizon. She wasn't expecting a fairytale ending, Nick was leaving in a few months, more or less, so she was making the best of it. Maybe it wasn't ideal, but it was more than nothing, and she didn't want nothing with Nick. So if life gave them something short, she'd take it and say thank you.

She moved closer to his body, careful not to touch him and closed her eyes. She loved being close to him.

* * *

This time Frannie didn't wake them up, Nick was out of bed before sunrise. He didn't want to bother Amanda and took the dog for another run. They were out for almost an hour and he returned thinking that Frannie was tired.

Amanda was still asleep and he decided to let her sleep longer, he showered and left her a note, saying he took Frannie out. When he was ready (not ready at all) he grabbed his things and walked out of the apartment.

Even though they all greeted each other with smiles and hugs, the atmosphere was tense. The nurse, whom Nick met a few times when he was still a detective, allowed them both to stay with their mom. After more tests they were led to a room with a comfortable couch and two plastic chairs. It was surreal and Nick thought he was dreaming, he was still in bed next to Amanda who sent him a text: _thanks for taking Frannie for a walk, call me if you need me_. He wanted to call, he needed her. She couldn't fix it, but she could make him fill not as lost, when he was with her he knew where he was. As the IV was placed and the medicine moved slowly into the veins Nick smiled at her and started talking about Zara and Gil, he knew hearing about them made her smile.

"I wonder where she gets that from" Sonya laughed after Nick finished telling about a play at school she was a part of.

"Nicky, you used to put on show for me when you were little, you had a doll with no head and you used to act as if it was a ghost"

"It's not fair you didn't have a camera" Sonya smiled at him "I can't believe I missed that, a ghost!"

"I don't remember"

"You were only four, maybe even younger" Cesaria smiled and looked out of the window, remembering "you asked me to sit on the couch and brought the doll, and told me in Spanish fantasma, fantasma! And pretended it was dropping things" her smile widened as she remembered how he pretended it wasn't him, but the ghost who did it "but you always cleaned up"

"Oh! Now we know for sure it was you" Sonya gave him a nudge.

"Have you told them?" Cesaria didn't need to elaborate.

"Not yet" he shook his head "I want to tell them face to face, but only when you're ready"

"Did they ask you why you're still here?" Sonya asked.

"I said I had to take care of some things"

Cesaria knew they can't hide it from her grandkids, they weren't babies, they understood. He had to tell them, but maybe a few more days won't matter.

"Gil looks so much like you" Nick showed his sister pictures on his phone and she smiled at him.

"When are you giving me grandchildren?" Cesaria knew the subject made Sonya a little uncomfortable, but given her situation she was allowed to ask.

"Mom!" the young woman protested "when I meet someone good enough, men are all scumbags"

"Oh Sonya…"

* * *

Nick drove them back home and helped his mom up the stairs even though she insisted she was feeling fine.

"Do you want anything? Food? Water?" he offered, she had to drink.

"No, I'm gonna take a shower and rest a bit"

"You sure?" he tried again.

"You heard her Nick" Sonya jumped in "if she wants something, she'll say so, right mom?"

Cesaria didn't reply and walked to the bathroom. She wasn't feeling bad, but the doctor did say that nausea starts about a day after the treatment. She had so many meds to take it was hard to look at the bottles. She was always a healthy person, barely even the flu. And now this.

Feeling tired Cesaria sat down on a chair that Nick placed there (just in case mom, he said that morning) and listened in to the conversation Sonya and Nick were having in the living room.

"You can go Nick" Sonya said "mom's gonna sleep and if anything happens I promise to call you right sway"

"It was the first day, I want to stay longer"

"And do what? If you want to, come by later and bring dinner"

After a few more things Cesaria couldn't hear very well, she heard Nick say goodbye to his sister.

"Mom?" Sonya walked to the door "you ok?"

"Yes, I'll be right out" she showered quickly and when she got into bed she fell asleep immediately.

* * *

Frannie must have been happy with all of the walks she's been getting. Running with the dog helped relieving Nick's stress. He knew Sonya was right, he had nothing to do at Cesaria's place, she wanted to sleep and Sonya probably wanted to rest too. Sitting there and staring at the ceiling would be no good. But Frannie enjoyed the run, he was spoiling her.

He stopped when he felt his phone buzzing, he didn't leave the house without it, thinking Sonya might call. But it wasn't her, Amanda's name appeared on the screen and Nick answered.

"Hey"

"Did you kidnap my dog?" he could hear her smiling.

"We're out jogging, wanna join us?" he hoped she'd say yes, he was not ready to go back yet.

"Sure, where are you?" Nick gave her the address "wait for me"

* * *

Nick sat on a bench and waited for Amanda, Frannie was lying on the sidewalk. He checked his phone and sent Sonya a message, asking how their mother was doing, she said she was asleep but seemed fine. He'd have dinner with them and thought about something healthy he could bring. There was a place Cesaria used to take them to when they were young, she said they cooked like her grandmother (Nick never got to meet her) and after checking on his phone, Nick was happy to find out they still existed, and it wasn't even too far.

"Nick?" he heard Amanda's voice and looked up, Frannie was already standing next to Amanda and he realized he was staring at his phone and didn't notice she was there.

"Hey" Nick stood up "I was just looking for the address of this place" he showed her the screen.

"Looks good"

"I thought I'd get something for my mom, hopefully she's gonna be able to eat"

"How is she?" Amanda asked.

"She seems fine, it was only the first time so I don't know, she's asleep now"

"You wanna go there now?" Nick nodded and Amanda and Frannie followed him.

* * *

Sonya checked on her mom twice already, she was asleep and alive (she made sure). It seemed weird that she, her daughter, was making sure she was still breathing, like she was a baby. But she looked calm, no fever, just a normal person asleep.

She was already rested and watched a few episodes of a telenovela she liked. She didn't want to bother Cesaria so she couldn't talk on the phone. But she could go out for a while, she wanted to surprise her with cookies from a place she loved, it was a place Cesaria took her to when she was a kid, she said they baked like her grandmother. It would be a nice surprise and after reading about the changes in the taste buds, she deserved something like that. She left her a note and left.

From afar, it looked like the place hasn't changed much, and Sonya thought they could use a make over, at least some renovations. It didn't look busy from where she was standing. She couldn't see the inside, but when she was a girl a lot of people used to stand outside and eat. Right now there was a dog tied to a bench, the people who passed by didn't seem interested. Sonya was about to cross the street when she saw someone familiar.

Nick.

What was he doing there? Probably the exact same thing she was. He walked out holding a bag and for some reason walked to the dog, releasing the leash. Nick didn't have a dog, he'd probably mention it if he did. But maybe it was his friend's. The guy he's been staying with.

When Nick was holding the leash Sonya saw that he was looking at the entrance, as if he was waiting for someone. A fat guy walked out and she thought it was the friend, but Nick ignored him. After that a woman, holding a little box, walked out and Sonya noticed that the dog walked to her. She couldn't tell if they spoke to each other, but they did smile and then, much to Sonya's surprise, Nick gave her a kiss. On the lips.

Sonya smiled, staying with a friend, ha?

* * *

 _What is Sonya going to do?_

 _You'll find out soon (not probably, cause I've written most of the next chapter)_


	6. Chapter 6

Sonya decided not to say anything for the time being. She was going to wait for the right moment. She felt like the villain in one of her telenovelas, knowing a secret and not sharing it. But if she asked him now he could make up an excuse, this information was worth a lot and she was going to save it.

She acted surprised when he showed up with the food, he even brought the cookies she wanted to buy. Cesaria ate a little and they talked about how they enjoyed going there years ago. Sonya asked a lot of questions, as if she didn't know nothing changed there.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay, mom?" Nick washed the dishes and Cesaria decided to go to sleep "I can sleep on the floor, I really don't mind"

"No Nicky" she shook her head "I'm ok"

"Call me if anything happens, ok?" he gave Sonya a serious look "no matter when"

"I know Nick, see you tomorrow" Sonya knew where he was going and acted cool about it.

* * *

"How's your mom?" Amanda asked when Nick returned, she also had some of the food he bought and a lot of the tasty cookies.

"Quiet and tired" Nick sat on the couch and Amanda joined him, placing her hand on his shoulder "I wanted to stay the night, in case they need me"

"They can call you" she knew it wasn't what he wanted to hear, but it was the truth.

"It was so weird, all of us trying to act like nothing is wrong, while she looked scared to even take a bite"

"She's sick Nick, of course she's scared. And you're not making it easier, inspecting what she ate" she tenderly rubbed his back "I know you're afraid too"

Nick sat quietly, feeling her hand move up and down his back, he didn't want her to stop. It was so soothing, he needed it to last. Amanda moved closer, kissed his cheek and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I finished all of the cookies" she let him know, trying to change the subject.

"I had a feeling so I got you another box" he smiled and walked to the kitchen, where he had hidden the box earlier"

"You know me so well" she smiled.

* * *

Nick woke up early again but decided to stay in bed and not get up. He tried to fall back to sleep but failed and he looked at Amanda, who just a second ago turned to him in her sleep. He wanted to move the stray hairs that covered her face but even though he tried to do it carefully, she stirred when he touched her.

"Whatareyoudoin?" she mumbled.

"Sorry, go back to sleep"

"Ok" she moved closer and rested her head on his chest, he was a little surprised by it , but placed his arm over her.

After a few quiet moments she stirred again "I can't sleep" she said but didn't move her head.

"Neither can I" Nick looked at her golden hair and caressed it a bit "I need to fly to LA"

Amanda sat up and turned to him, for a second she was able to forget all about that place.

"I need to tell Zara and Gil, I can't hide this from them much longer"

"When do you want to go?"

"I think a weekend is best, so I could spend time with them too. I don't know what's gonna happen and how often I'm gonna be able to fly while she's sick"

"One day at a time" she smiled at him and he nodded.

Nick looked at her, the way she smiled at him, the way she grabbed his hand and gently squeezed. He moved closer and kissed her lips, needing to feel her. The kiss was soft, only their lips participating. He let his hands join after a while, entangling his fingers in her hair and pulling her into him, but just when he was about to deepen the kiss her phone buzzed and they pulled away. She gave him an apologetic smiled and reached for the phone.

Nick listened in, he almost forgot how it felt to get a call from work, she said a few words about going straight to some house. He didn't have any messages from Sonya, which probably meant the night had passed by quietly. She had another treatment tomorrow, but today she could rest. Nick looked in the mirror and touched his cheek, he needed a shave and took out his razor and shaving cream.

"Hey" Amanda leaned against the door and looked at him.

"You have to go?" he asked, raising the razor.

"No, I can be late today"

Nick smiled and started shaving when he noticed Amanda stayed planted by the door, her arms crossed, it seemed like she was inspecting him "Amanda?" he asked.

She bit her lip "you just look…" she didn't finish the sentence.

Nick chuckled as he rinsed the blade, he liked the way she was looking at him, but the next thing she said surprised him.

"Can I help?"

"You want to…" she nodded mid sentence and walked closer "ok…I guess" he handed her the razor "don't cut me"

"I'll do my best" she looked into his eyes and even though Nick loved looking into hers, he thought she should concentrate on his chin and cheeks.

Amanda turned her attention to his right cheek and gently pressed the blade to it and moved the razor lower, trying not to do it too fast but not too slow. She was standing inches from him, she could smell him and could feel him looking at her.

"Rinse it again" Nick said when she was done with the first stroke. He wasn't sure why, but the situation made his heart beat faster with excitement, she was standing so close to him, looking at him with that lustful look she had sometimes, innocent and full of desire at the same time. After raising the blade Amanda looked at him again, raising her brows a little and then continued with the shaving. Nick knew he shouldn't move, she had a sharp blade in her hands and could injure him if he caught her by surprise, but he was dying to do that and the next moment Amanda let the water wash the razor he took it from her, through it in the sink and grabbed Amanda's body, not caring about the remaining shaving cream he kissed her. She let out a gasp, as if she was surprised by his actions. But Amanda was dying for this to happen when she watched him a few minutes ago, he was looking incredibly sexy and she wanted to do something, be a part of it somehow. She felt some of the cream being smeared on her face but did not care one bit, she just wanted Nick to take his pants off and be inside of her. She tried to get her hands inside of his boxers to move this along, but when Nick felt the touch he pulled away.

Nick decided to play hard to get this time, and let her go, returning to the previous task of shaving. Amanda stared in disbelief as he grabbed the razor and finished shaving, smiling at her a few times.

"So that's it?" she sounded angry, but Nick just smiled at her again when he washed his face and poured some aftershave in his palms. She thought he'd resume their previous actions but Nick just chuckled and turned to her.

"You have a little…" he pointed at the cream on her cheek and Amanda looked pissed.

"Really?"

"I gotta go" he gave her a soft kiss, and another one, enjoying the stink eye he was getting from her.

"Really?" she asked again, wiping the cream of her face.

"Sorry" he felt a little victorious, not that he didn't want to have sex with her, it was never easy for him to refuse. But right now, the look she was giving him made him feel proud of himself, he liked the thought that she wanted him so badly, he knew she wasn't happy, but he'd make it up to her.

* * *

He got dressed quickly and patted Frannie before leaving. It was too early to go visit his mother so Nick bought himself something for breakfast and watched the busy streets. He'd miss New York, he loved the city and knew things won't be the same for him in LA. He hoped to find a job so he wouldn't have to sit at home and do nothing. But he couldn't look for one now, not when he had no idea when he was moving.

He really needed to fly to California to visit Zara and Gil, to see them, tell them. He missed the children and they were the reason he was moving, if it wasn't for them he'd stay and…and what? He wanted to start over, how can a person start over if nothing changes?

But he was scared about moving, leaving so much behind. Of course he'd visit his mother a lot, but it's not the same. And Amanda, things with her seemed like a riddle, being with her gave him so much pleasure, not just physical. But he also remembered the bad times, the terrible fights. But they seemed to get along now, enjoying each other's company, and she was able to make him feel better so easily, with a few words, a tender touch, a look. Maybe they left the bad parts behind? But LA was still there

* * *

After a while of sitting and thinking, Nick drove to his mother's place. Sonya let him in with a smile, told him Cesaria was in the shower.

"How is she?" he asked.

"Said she was fine, didn't want to eat anything"

Nick and Sonya sat on the couch and waited for Cesaria to walk into the room.

"How did she sleep?" he continued with the investigation.

"I guess ok, the only thing she said was 'I'm fine' I'm worried too" she sounded upset and looked down on the floor.

"Ok, I'm sorry" Nick said and they both turned when the bathroom's door opened.

"Hey Nicky" Cesaria smiled, but she didn't look fine, she was pale and seemed weaker then ever.

"Mom" Nick rushed to her and helped her sit on the couch "what is it?"

"It's nothing" she tried to calm him down.

"Maybe some water?" he looked at Sonya so she'd get her a glass.

Cesaria didn't say anything, she wasn't thirsty, she wasn't hungry. Even though last night she wasn't feeling that bad, she threw up in the shower but decided not to say anything to the kids.

"Here" Sonya gave her the glass "do you want some breakfast? I can send Nick out to get us something"

"Thank you, but not right now" she drank a bit, it made her feel bad but she could see Nick and Sonya staring at her, worried, scared.

"Give me the glass" Nick took it away and placed in on the coffee table "you don't look very well mom, do you want me to call the doctor or get you something else?"

"It's alright, Nick" she looked at him and at Sonya.

"Maybe we can do something at home" Sonya offered "like watch a movie!"

"Sure" Cesaria nodded and her daughter found something for them to watch. She was glad she wasn't nauseous again, she felt how tense the kids were and was afraid they'd go crazy if it happens again.

When the movie was over Cesaria was feeling a little better, the meds she took helped and she offered to make something to eat.

"Sure mom" Sonya looked at Nick, thinking this was a good sign.

While they helped their mother with the food, Sonya realized she forgot about Nick's "friend", but right now didn't seem like a good idea to bring this up and decided to postpone the conversation.

They had lunch and all went for a walk, Cesaria seemed to do ok, she was tired, but enjoyed the stroll. Nick and Sonya tried to get along and she was happy about that. Nick always felt that as the big brother he had to protect her and Sonya sometimes used it to her advantage, but they loved each other and wanted the best for one another.

It was a good day and Cesaria hoped she'd have more of those.

* * *

Nick was in a good mood, his mother felt better than he expected and he hoped it would last. Sonya promised to call him if anything happens and he said he'd be there tomorrow, to take them to the hospital.

Nick smiled when he opened the door to Amanda's apartment. She was already there, a weird expression on her face.

"Hey" she stood up "how was your day?"

"Pretty good actually" he grinned.

"Good" she didn't say anything else and walked over to him, grabbed his hand and pulled him after her to the bedroom.

"Take your clothes off" she commanded.

Nick chuckled but the look in her eyes told him not to question her and he did as she ordered, undressing himself while she got rid of her clothes.

"Lie down" she told him and got on top of him the moment his back was on the mattress. She used her hand to help his erection grow, she looked in his eyes but didn't kiss him, she was wearing only a slight smile and her hand was working hard on getting him as hard as possible.

"Amanda" he called her name.

Amanda let go and plunged herself on him, letting out a soft moan. Nick groaned, feeling how wet and ready she was with not even the slightest foreplay, he liked the thought of her thinking about him, waiting for this.

Amanda was riding him hard, her eyes were shut and Nick let her have control, he enjoyed looking at her face and body as she moved on top of him. But he wanted to be a part of it and tried to sit up, needing to get his lips on one of her nipples, knowing how much pleasure it gave her and how much it gave him.

When Amanda felt him stir she opened her eyes and pushed him down.

Nick chuckled again "Amanda…" he mumbled "I'm dying to…" she felt too good for him to think "get my lips on you, don't tell me you don't want that too, I know how much you like it when I suck on your skin when I…" Amanda leaned a bit closer and Nick thought he was winning, but instead of kissing him, she placed her palm over his mouth so he wouldn't talk. Nick realized it was about this morning, she was giving him a piece of her mind. Her movements grew faster and Nick had to admit he was really enjoying her aggressiveness, he could tell she was about to climax and just watched as her body shuddered, and she shut her eyes tighter. Once the orgasm subsided, Amanda rolled off of him. She was breathing hard and Nick let her have a few moments before turning her attention to the fact that he was still as hard as a rock.

"You don't kiss someone like that and just walk away" she scolded and finally smiled widely at him.

"That wasn't exactly a punishment" he said and pulled her in for another kiss. Amanda moved down his body but Nick stopped her, deciding it was his turn to be in charge and he grabbed a hold of her, kissing her again for a few seconds but he needed more and turned her around so she was on her knees.

He entered her swiftly and let his hands move to her breasts, playing with her nipples and squeezing them a bit. He started moving, not taking things slow. Being inside of her felt incredible and he hoped to last a little longer.

Amanda's hand moved in between her legs and when Nick noticed that he gently swiped it, wanting to be the one to touch her. He rubbed her clit as he pushed in and pulled out.

"Fuck, Nick, fuck you"

"You just did" he whispered hoarsely in her ear.

"Just don't stop" she was holding on to the headboard, knowing she was about to explode and she knew it took a lot from Nick to wait for her. After his little game this morning Amanda wasn't happy, that scene made her so hot and he just walked away, thinking it was funny. When she got home she couldn't stop thinking about him, how his hands and lips made her feel, how it made her feel when he was inside her, she longed for the sensation and it was his fault.

He was rubbing her clit harder, knowing she was close enough, his other hand pinched her nipple and the animalistic moan she let out sent Nick over the edge and his head was spinning. His fingers were still moving and after a few second Amanda climaxed again, blessing him with a few more curses.

They were both lying on the bed, out of breath as if they'd just run a marathon. They smiled at one another and burst out in laughter.

"You're such a jerk sometimes" she rested her head on his sweaty chest and he wrapped his hand around her shoulders.

Her comment made him laugh again but he didn't talk, he was tired and felt like he couldn't fight the fatigue even though it was still early. His eyes closed, and he felt himself drift off to sleep.

Nick was somewhere between sleep and wakefulness when a thought popped into his head, but he wasn't sure if he was dreaming or not, he wasn't sure if he said it or not, if she heard it or not, those four words.

"Amanda, I love you"


	7. Chapter 7

Nick was standing in a church, wearing a tux and waiting. There were a lot of people but he couldn't tell who they were, their faces were blurry (maybe he needed glasses). Some of the guests were talking to one another but he couldn't hear, there was a priest standing right next to him and Nick was about to ask him what was going on, this seemed a lot like a wedding, but whose?

Before Nick could speak music started playing and everyone stood up, the bride was about to walk in.

"She looks beautiful" the priest whispered "you're a lucky man"

The bride walked down the aisle, her face blurry just like the others', she was wearing a big, puffy white dress, Nick thought that was a little weird, what year was this? But as she walked closer he could see her clearly.

"Yeah" Nick nodded, realizing it was his wedding day and he was about to marry…

"Amanda" he said when she stood in front of him.

"Hey" she smiled.

"Hi" he smiled.

"Dearly beloved" the priest started "we have gathered here today…"

"What are you wearing?" Nick whispered as quietly as he could so even the priest couldn't hear.

"Your mother gave it to me, don't you like it?" She looked down.

"It's a little…" he didn't want to insult, but the word he was looking for was ugly. He looked at the guests and searched for his mother, this wasn't like her, to give a dress like that to Amanda. And if this was the one she wore when she married his father, then this wasn't fair to him too. Where was she?

He couldn't tell who was sitting there, staring at him, but Cesaria wasn't there. He was sure of that.

"Where is she?" Nick's voice was louder and the priest stopped talking "where is she?"

No one answered and before he could ask again they were all gone. He was standing in the church all alone.

Nick woke up and it took him a second to realize this was just a dream, he was in Amanda's bed, her naked body pressed to his. She was still asleep and he thought she looked peaceful.

He tried falling back to sleep but after a while of just lying there with his eyes shut he decided to give up. Nick carefully got out of the bed, moving slowly. He didn't want to wake her up, it was still early and she could use the sleep. Specially after last night.

Nick got into the shower and smiled thinking about it, how feisty she was, how much it turned him on, he was getting a little excited thinking about it now. Nick turned off the hot water for a few moments, he didn't want to get too excited, but he couldn't stop thinking about her, the way she looked at him, touched him. Suddenly he had a vague memory of saying something, something he shouldn't have. Did he say I love you? No, this had to have been a dream, probably a part of that bizarre wedding dream he had. There was no way he said it, because that would complicated and they weren't doing complicated, they were doing what felt good now, nothing more.

Nick got dressed and since he had a few hours before he had to pick up his mother and sister he decided to take Frannie for a walk so Amanda could catch more sleep.

"Come on girl" Nick patted her.

On the way back Nick bought Amanda a few pastries and a cup of good coffee she liked.

"Good morning" he heard when he walked into the apartment, Amanda was standing there, wearing just an old t shirt.

"I thought you'd still be asleep" he smiled and placed the box and cup on the counter "you were pretty tired last night, thanks to someone…"

"Whatever you wanna tell yourself" she laughed.

"I got you breakfast" Nick chuckled "because I thought I tired you out, but if you say I didn't…" he reached for it but Amanda grabbed the cup.

"Fine" she took a sip "don't want to hurt your ego"

Nick kissed her cheek and was about to go when she caught his hand "thank you" her lips caught his and he could taste the coffee on her tongue.

He wanted nothing more than to stay like that with her, let the kiss take them somewhere else, let their hands explore the other's body over and over again. But he couldn't stay, the clock was ticking and he had to go.

Nick pulled away and leaned his forehead against hers, closing his eyes.

"You should go" she said.

"Yeah" he knew he had to but couldn't move.

"It's gonna be ok" she said and caressed his back.

Nick kissed her lips again and then let her go, he didn't want to, something about being there with her made him feel safe.

* * *

The hospital looked exactly the same, the things the doctor said, the things the nurse did.

"How is she?" Nick asked Sonya when the nurse took their mom for a few tests.

"The same" Sonya shrugged "she says she's fine. How are you?" She smiled at him.

"I'll be better when she's healthy" the nurse called them and Nick and Sonya joined their mother in the familiar room.

She was sitting on the couch and the nurse placed the IV in her vein "I'll be back soon" she said.

Nick wasn't sure what to say, it was difficult to sit there and know she was in pain, know how it was going to affect her. They all looked grim and he tried hard to think of something to say to lighten the mood, maybe he should have find some jokes or some funny stories or…

"So Nick" Sonya turned to him "how are you?"

"I'm fine" he wasn't sure why she was smiling.

"Still staying with your friend?" she continued.

"Yeah" he nodded.

"You didn't tell us" she said.

"What?" Nick thought he heard wrong.

"What?" Cesaria turned to look at her daughter.

"You didn't tell us she's so pretty" Sonya grinned proudly "didn't tell us she's a she too…"

Nick felt embarrassed, how did she know? And why did she have to bring this up? The last thing he wanted was to explain.

"She?" now Cesaria turned to her son, curios to find out what was going on.

"Nick didn't tell us but he has a girlfriend" Sonya told her "I saw them together, she looks nice and her dog's cute"

"I didn't know you were seeing someone" Cesaria said. She didn't know much about Nick's personal life, after the divorce he kept everything quiet and she figured he had nothing going on, not with all the hardships.

"It's not like that" he said quietly.

"You're living with her, of course it's not like that!" Sonya's grin got wider.

"Sonya!" he gave her a stern look, this wasn't something he wanted to talk about.

"I saw them at the Cuban place we like" Sonya kept on talking, ignoring her brother "they are so cute together"

"How long have you been together?" Cesaria asked.

"We're just friends, ok?" Nick's eyes were pleading, he didn't want to talk about it.

"Friends with benefits maybe…I don't want to think of you and benefits" she made a disgusted face.

"Does she know you're moving?" Cesaria ignored Sonya's remark.

"Of course she knows" Nick nodded, hoping this would bring the end to the interrogation "I told you we're just friends. Let's just forget about it"

"Mom doesn't want to forget about it, right?" Sonya looked at their mother "and we're doing whatever mom wants"

"Where did you two meet?"

The interrogation was far from over and Nick had no choice but to cooperate "we used to work together, she's a detective"

"Such a cliché…" Sonya chuckled.

"We don't have to talk about it" Nick tried "in fact, let's just stop, ok? It doesn't matter"

"Sure it matters" Sonya touched his shoulder "I like clichés, I'm totally fine with that"

"Sonya, please stop" Nick looked at her.

"We're just curious, you're dating someone and we want to…"

"Do you like her?" Cesaria asked and the children turned to her.

Nick nodded slightly, not able to speak.

"And you're moving?" she continued "to LA?"

"When you get better, yes" he replied.

"Without her?"

"She's staying here" he said "and I'm moving to be with Zara and Gil"

Cesaria looked down at her palms before turning her attention back to her son "even though you like her?"

"Mom" Nick hated that she was bringing this up, he didn't want her to know this, to worry about him "I need to think of my kids, they are the most important thing"

"I know…" she said quietly "but so are you"

Nick looked away, feeling trapped, why did Sonya have to tell her?

"I want to tell the two of you something" Nick and Sonya exchanged a look but remained quiet "when you were young I was seeing someone"

"Really?" Sonya couldn't control herself.

"I liked him, he was a good man. But after a while he got a job offer and had to move away, he asked me to go with him, with you. But I was afraid that after moving you here it would be too hard for you to move again so I said no and stayed"

"And he?"

"He moved with his son and we didn't keep in touch"

"Where is he now?" Sonya smiled.

"I don't know, but…"

"Mom" Nick shook his head, he knew what she was about to say, but it wasn't the same "I'm gonna be right back"

He needed a moment and walked out of the room. Not that the hall was better.

"Nick" Sonya joined him after a few minutes.

"Why did you tell her?" he said angrily "there was no need for her to know about this"

"I only wanted to distract her, what's the big deal? You're just friends, aren't you?" she asked.

"Just let it go"

"She wanted me to call you back in"

"Fine" he followed her "sorry mom" Nick sat back down.

"Nicky" she smiled "just promise me one thing"

"What is it?" he was scared to promise.

"Just be good to her"

* * *

When Amanda walked into her apartment she thought something looked different, the lights were dimmed, which was weird because she didn't have dimmers. It took her a moment to notice the candles on the small dining table. It was set with two plates, glasses and silverware.

"Hey" Nick walked into the room "you're early"

"Yeah, a little bit" she turned her attention back to the table "what's this? You're having company?"

"Funny, it's for us. Hope you're hungry"

"I need to take Frannie out" she said.

"I already did that"

"Can I take a shower?" she still felt a little weird about it and wasn't sure why, they've been spending so much time together lately, why did this make her feel so…she didn't even know what she was feeling.

"Sure, it'll be ready by the time you're out"

"Oh, ok" Amanda quickly walked into the bedroom and sat down on the bed. Nick made them dinner, for this…well…date. Why was her head spinning? Nick's been sleeping in her bed, with her, they were…why were there so many dots in her brain. She had to take a shower or Nick would come back to check on her and what would she say? That she was confused?

She stepped into the shower and turned on the water, maybe she should ask him to join her, it always felt good when they were touching each other, it was never complicated when they were having sex. But he tried, and it was nice of him, he was going through a hard time and she was glad she could be there for him and that he was there.

She got dressed quickly and joined him in the living room.

"You're ok?" he noticed the look on her face when she walked in.

"Yeah, I was just a bit surprised, that's all" she nodded.

"I just wanted to do something to thank you" he said "you've been amazing, I mean it, I don't think I could handle this if…" he couldn't finish the sentence, he couldn't put his gratitude into words. She really made this easier on him.

"Nick" she felt a little self-conscious.

"Don't get too excited" he warned "I only made rice and chicken"

"That's still nice of you" she sat down and waited for Nick to serve her the food, it looked really tasty.

"I hope you'll like it" he stared at her.

"Not if you're gonna look at me like that" she was about to take a bite, the fork was right by her mouth "I feel scared to even taste it"

"Sorry" he looked at the table and placed some food on his plate.

"It's good" she nodded.

"Good" he let out a puff of air, as if he was relieved "you can be hard to please"

"Yeah, cause I'm such a foodie, only eat at fancy restaurants" she smiled at him, taking another bite of the food.

"Please, I saw you eat cold fries" he laughed "more than once"

"How did it go today?" she asked.

"It was" he replied, he was going to tell her, but not now "let's not talk about it now, ok?"

"Sure" she nodded and poured wine into her glass, it was really good "you want some?"

Nick nodded and raised the glass when she placed the bottle on the table "here's to you"

"I see you cleaned up, unless it's just too dark for me to notice" she looked around.

"I did, and I did the laundry"

"Washed the sheets, I hope" she smiled "ever since you've been staying here I had to change them a lot"

"I'm gonna take that as a compliment" he chuckled.

"It's not not a compliment" she raised he brows.

"You're cheap with those, aren't you?"

"What do you want me to say?" she asked playfully.

Nick shrugged and took another bite "I'll let you come up with something"

She drank another sip of the wine and they both finished their food "I'll clear the table" Nick said when he noticed she was about to get up "hope you have room for dessert"

"Always" she smiled and handed him her empty plate.

"This I bought" he took out a box from the fridge and placed it on the table "it's not chocolate but I think you're gonna like it" he opened the box to reveal an assortment of tartlets.

"Here" Nick handed her one "I hope they're good"

"You're spoiling me" she smiled.

He was about to say she deserved it, but she deserved more than he was giving her. Each ate one tartlet and Nick placed the box back in the fridge.

"Thanks" Amanda stoop up and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around him "it was really nice"

"I'm glad" he pulled her closer "I…you wanna make out?"

Amanda chuckled but she shook her head "can we just, just sleep, ok?"

Nick nodded but didn't let go of her, he kept on holding her closer until she pulled away and grabbed his hand, pulling him after her to the bedroom. They quietly climbed into the bed and Nick wrapped his arms around her.

* * *

Amanda still felt Nick's arms around her when she woke up "you're up?" she mumbled.

"Didn't feel like getting out of bed" he wasn't in a hurry and didn't want to let go of her "did you have fun last night?"

"It was good, you're not a bad cook, maybe you should open a restaurant, or run a food truck" she turned to face him.

Nick chuckled "I'll think about it" he caressed her cheek "but you're too easy to please"

"Oh yeah?" she rolled her eyes at him "I am not easy to please"

Nick kissed her lips "can I try?"

Amanda chuckled but gave him a slight nod and was rewarded with another kiss. Nick quickly moved lower and lifted her shirt a little bit, exposing her lower abdomen, planting a few kisses and sucking on her skin. But he didn't spend a lot of time there, he lowered her pants and underwear and threw the garments on the floor.

"I'm waiting" she said quietly.

"For what?" he asked innocently.

"For you to satisfy me" she bit her lip, feeling a physical need, a primal need, for him.

Nick's fingers caressed her inner thigh and she smiled, thinking she'd get to feel them inside of her soon and she really couldn't wait.

But Nick had other plans and his hand moved to the other side, until he reached her calf. He grabbed her foot and raised it to his lips, kissing it, his eyes remained focused on hers while his lips moved over her foot. He kissed her big toe and winked at her before sucking on it a little. Amanda giggled and he let go, placing her foot on the bed. His face followed it and he trailed kisses from the calf to her knee, on the back of her knee and to her inner thigh. He knew he was focusing on her left leg and decided to give the other one his attention, planting kisses on her right thigh.

He kissed her navel again and his lips glided all the way down until his tongue reached her clit, a movement that made her sigh loudly, she was watching him but as his movements were getting bolder she was having trouble keeping them open. His tongue let go of her clit and traveler lower, moving inside of her, causing her to quiver on the bed, and signing him how much she was enjoying this.

"Oh…" she moaned, holding on to the sheet "Nick…"

Nick replaced his tongue with two fingers, wanting to reach deeper and he was rewarded with another cry, more ragged breaths. Her hips were bucking against his face and he allowed his tongue to join back in, teasing her clit again. The stimulation was driving her crazy and Nick knew she was close.

Without stopping what he was doing Nick raised his eyes at her, she looked so hot for a moment he was afraid that was all he'd need, as if he was a teenager and this was his first sexual experience.

The way she was holding on to the sheet caused it to be pulled off the mattress, revealing it. As his tongue and fingers moved in the same fast pace Nick could feel her body losing control, he loved the affect his actions had on her.

She was mumbling something incoherent and he didn't try to understand, he just enjoyed her pleasure and when she was pushed over the edge he slowed down but didn't let go of her.

"I'd say" he moved up after a while, nibbling on her neck "that you're pretty satisfied, unless all those ' _oh, Nicks'_ were…"

Amanda shut him up by kissing him "you have a great mouth when you don't use it for talking"

Nick chuckled "I'm offended"

"Sorry" she shook her head and touched his cheek "I'm beyond satisfied, is that what you wanted to hear?"

Nick nodded and kissed her again, he let go of her mouth when he felt her hand on his erection.

"What are you waiting for?" she spread her legs.

"Don't laugh, but" he smiled shyly "I'm not gonna last, you're so hot…"

"I'm already ready, you don't have to sweet talk"

Nick entered her, grunting as he pushed himself inside of her. Nick kissed her neck as he thrust inside of her body. He didn't lie about not being able to last and when he felt Amanda's hands squeezing his butt cheeks he was gone and climaxed inside of her.

He rolled off of her and let his hand rest on her stomach.

"We should shower" she said, placing her hand on his.

"In a minute" he looked at her, not wanting the moment to be over.

* * *

They walked Frannie together and Nick finally told her Sonya saw them together.

"That must have been awkward" she looked at him.

"Yeah" Nick nodded "it was, I didn't want to get into details, so I hope they let it go. Mom's got a lot on her mind…and I'm flying to LA"

"I know" she nodded, she didn't need him to remind her.

"I mean this weekend, I'll fly on Friday, I think it's time to tell them" he was scared of that moment, of his children finding out. But how long could he keep this a secret, they asked about the move and he couldn't make up any more excuses.

"That's good, they need to know"

"I'm a little scared of their reaction" he confessed "a lot scared"

"It's gonna be ok"

* * *

Nick called Maria and told her he wanted to see her before Zara came back from school.

"Come on in" she opened the door, thinking he had finally finalized the move "you want a drink?"

"No" he followed her to the living room and sat down "I have bad news, my mom's sick"

"What happened?" she was shocked to hear that.

"She has cancer"

"Oh god, Nick, I'm so sorry. Is that why you've been staying in New York?"

He nodded "yeah, Sonya's there too and we're with mom while she's getting chemo"

"Of course, I'm so sorry" Cesaria was a good mother in law and she always liked her and appreciated her help "so you're here to tell Zara?"

"Yeah, I've known for a few weeks and it's time to tell her"

Maria nodded "maybe you should pick her up from school, have some fun and tell her later"

"Yeah, thanks" he nodded.

"I'm so sorry Nick"

"Me too"

* * *

Zara smiled widely when she saw him and ran towards him "what are you doing here dad?"

"Surprise!" he hugged her tightly "I talked to your mom and we decided I'd pick you up and we'll to eat and do something fun"

"Can we go to the beach?" she asked.

"Sure, if you want"

"I want to! Can we go now?"

"Whatever you want sweetie"

They drove to the beach, Zara's favorite place and played around in the sand. She was glad to run around with her dad. Nick sat down on the warm sand and watched her building a castle. He looked at the ocean and then at the white sand underneath him. It's light color made Nick think of Amanda, he could see her hair blowing in the light breeze, picture her playing with them.

"Dad, I'm hungry" Zara ran to him.

They went to an Italian restaurant and Nick drove them back to Maria's house. He wanted Zara's mother there when he told her.

"Did you have fun?" Maria asked when they walked in.

"Yep" Zara gave her a kiss, she noticed her parents exchanged a look and then her dad told her to sit down.

"Zara" he sat right next to her and took her hand "I want to tell you something"

"Is it bad?" she asked, seeing his expression.

"Zara" he didn't answer "it's about abuela…"

Maria sat down next to Zara and the girl looked scared "what happened to her?"

"Honey, abuela is sick" the words left his mouth "she has cancer"

"CANCER?" Zara stoop up.

"Yes, but she is getting treatments and…"

"Sick?" without a warning she started crying and Nick hugged her.

"I know" he caressed her back "I'm worried too, but she is getting help and she will get better"

"Can I see her?" the young girl asked.

"Abuela is getting chemotherapy, which is a scary word but it means she's getting a medicine that helps fight the cancer"

"I know what it is dad" she wiped her eyes.

"You can see her once this cycle is over, in a few weeks" he said "then you can stay with me for a few days, right?" he looked at Maria.

"And you can call her" Maria offered "and draw something, and write her a letter"

"I wanna call her now" Zara said and Nick dialed the phone and let Zara talk to his mother.

Maria and he listened in, both with tears in their eyes "maybe you should stay in the guest room until you go to San Diego, I think it would be best for Zara"

"Yeah, thank you"

Zara had a lot of questions and Nick did his best to answer al of them. When she finally fell asleep Nick texted Amanda but she didn't answer and Nick figured she was working. He realized he had to have the same conversation with Gil on Sunday. He wasn't looking forward to it.

Gil's reaction was similar to Zara's, he tried hard not to cry but Nick could see he was scared. He returned to LA later that day and Zara was happy to see him, she wrote Cesaria a long letter and Nick promised to give it to her first thing.

"Where are you staying?" Maria asked after Zara went to bed "you already sold the house"

"With a friend" he said, hoping not to get any questions from her.

"Let me know when Zara can visit" she said "I'll get her a ticket and fly with her and Gil"

"Thanks Maria" he smiled.

He waited for her to go to bed before he went to the guestroom. Earlier Amanda sent him a text, letting him know she was wrapped up in a case. He got into bed and tried calling again, this time she picked up.

"Nick?" her voice was groggy and he realized he woke her up.

"Sorry, I forgot about the time difference"

"How are you?" she asked, knowing it's been a hard few days.

"I don't know, I'm…you know"

"Are you coming back here tomorrow?" she asked.

"Yeah" he nodded "I'm gonna take Zara to school and catch my flight"

"Need a ride?"

"No, I'm gonna go see my mom, I have gifts from the kids for her"

"Speaking of your mom…" he could hear her smile "I need to tell you something"

"What?" did something happened? Why didn't Sonya call him?

"Your sister called me yesterday and I…well, had dinner with them today"


	8. Chapter 8

Sonya was disappointed, she expected Nick to tell them everything about his 'friend'. But it was her brother, of course he wouldn't tell her anything. She had to find everything herself, just like she found out he was seeing someone in the first place. But how could she do that?

The answer came to her when she downloaded a new app. Of course, the time Nick called her from a different phone number, she didn't recognize it and answered. That must have been the girlfriend's phone. And he was the detective in the family, or used to be a detective.

Sonya searched for the number, she saved it under 'a phone Nick called from' and dialed.

"Rollins" a woman answered.

"This is Sonya Amaro" Sonya said.

"Oh…" it was clear the woman on the over line knew who she was "hey"

"How are you doing? It's nice to hear your voice"

"Em…"

"I know you didn't expect to hear from me, but my mom asked me to call you. You know she's sick" she was shamelessly using the cancer card to get what she wanted.

"It's ok" Amanda said "can I help you?"

"My mom really wanted to meet you" Sonya didn't even tell Cesaria about this, but she knew she'd love to get to know Nick's 'friend'.

"Oh…"

"I know it's weird, but she really want to and she has can…"

"Yeah, em…I don't know…"

"Please, she's going to cook and…" even though there was silence Sonya could tell her plan worked "please come tomorrow"

"Fine, Ok"

Amanda wasn't sure why she agreed, she was at a crime scene and didn't want to say too much. Nick won't like this, but he was busy with his kids so she didn't want to interrupt. Damn it, now she was going to meet his mother and sister, and they weren't even anything, just friends, just having fun, just…damn it.

* * *

Amanda showed up on time, she bought cookies from the place Nick showed her, she didn't want to bring wine and that was the only thing that came to mind.

"Hello" Sonya opened the door "it's nice to meet you…" she realized he didn't even tell them her name, all she knew was the last name of the woman who was seeing her brother.

"Amanda" Amanda handed her the box.

"Thank you, come on in" she closed the door "I'll call mom, she's happy to meet you" Sonya told Cesaria about dinner and helped cooking, she was tired but didn't say anything.

"Mom!" Sonya called "Amanda's here"

Amanda looked around, she noticed the family photos, pictures of young Nick and Sonya, Zara and Gil. She felt out of place, like she didn't belong there, with this family.

"Hey honey" she heard a voice and turned to see Nick's mother walking towards her, she looked a little pale and even weak "it's so nice to meet you"

"Hey" Amanda shook her hand, she wasn't sure what to say, how are you feeling seemed out of place.

"I'm sorry for my daughter's behavior, I'm sure you didn't expect to come over here"

"It's alright" it wasn't alright, but what could she say?

"Come, sit" Cesaria led her to the dining table.

"Thank you" Amanda looked at the table "this looks great"

"We're glad you're here" Sonya sat down in front of her "we're so happy to meet you, sit down mom. So you're a detective?"

"Yeah" Amanda nodded.

"Nick said that's how you two met" Sonya continued and Amanda nodded again.

"How long have you worked there?" Cesaria asked

"A few years"

"So you're not from New York?"

"I'm from Atlanta"

"You moved to work here?"

"Maybe we shouldn't ask so many questions, give her a chance to eat something" Cesaria grabbed a bowl "have some pasta"

"Thanks" Amanda was about to reach for it when Cesaria suddenly dropped it on the table.

"Sorry" she apologized and was about to stand up and clean up, she was feeling sick.

"It's ok" Sonya got up "I'll clean it, don't worry" she walked to the kitchen to get a washcloth.

Amanda got up "I'll get you some water" she thought Cesaria looked even paler than before.

"Thank you querida" Cesaria reached for the glass but once she held it in her hands she felt nauseous and couldn't even get up off the chair when she threw up on the floor and on Amanda's feet.

"It's ok" Amanda said, she grabbed the bowl that once held the pasta and placed in front of Cesaria.

"Mom?" Sonya ran to them.

"I'm sorry" she looked at Amanda.

"Don't worry" Amanda took the bowl away "do you want to go lie down maybe?"

"I can't, I have to clean up and…"

"We'll do it" Amanda said, she saw Sonya's expression, it was clear she was scared, hasn't this happened before? "Come on" Amanda helped her up and walked with her to the bedroom "you should get some rest"

"I'm sorry about your shoes" Cesaria sat down on the bed.

"I didn't like them anyway" she smiled "I'll get you some water"

"Thank you" she moved the blanket "you're sweet, I see why Nicky likes you"

"You have a good son"

"Not always" Cesaria smiled at her "but most of the time"

Amanda left the room and returned with a glass of water and a clean bowl. She returned to the kitchen but couldn't find Sonya.

"Sonya?" she called, there was just one bedroom and she wasn't in the living room either. The only place left was the bathroom.

"Sonya?" Amanda knocked on the door, it was half opened and Amanda walked in. The other woman was sitting on the floor, crying.

"Sorry" she said.

"It's ok, I have other shoes" Amanda sat down next to her.

Sonya let out a laugh but kept on crying "she always said she was fine, but I should have known, she was turning the water on and probably throwing up in here so we'd think she was better…I just…didn't see it"

It sounded a lot like something Nick would say and it made Amanda smile, Nick thought he was so different, but he was a lot like his sister.

"I'm sorry I'm crying in the bathroom like some…"

"It's you mom, it's fine" Amanda said.

"I need to clean up" she stood up.

Amanda followed her to the kitchen and helped covering the salad bowls and placing them in the fridge.

"Mom's pasta is really good, shame you didn't get to taste it" she leaned against the counter "and I'm sorry, I know you probably didn't want to come here and I kinda in a way made you"

"That's fine" the room was pretty clean and Amanda decided it was time to leave "I should go"

"You probably need to take your dog out, he's cute"

"Her name's Frannie" Amanda corrected "and yeah, I should walk her"

"Thanks and sorry again"

"Bye" Amanda walked to her car. She always kept a bag with clean clothes in the trunk and there was a pair of shoes. She threw away the dirty ones and drove home.

* * *

"Shit" Nick said when Amanda finished telling him about dinner.

"Go easy on your sister, she's really scared, and your mom doesn't want you to be afraid, so…"

"I should have known better" Nick shook his head.

"But you couldn't, so when you get here just be easy on both of them. I know you're worried, but so are they"

"I know and thanks for being there for them, even though I'm sure it was weird"

"It definitely was" she chuckled "but I survived"

"I appreciate it, really" something else to add to the list.

"Then let me go back to sleep"

"See you tomorrow" he said, his heart wanted to add something but Nick hang up after she wished him a good night, trying to ignore it.

* * *

Nick gave Cesaria the gifts the children sent her and she read the letters and looked at Zara's drawings.

"They really want to see you" Nick said.

"I miss them" she smiled and placed the papers on the coffee table "I know what happened, Amanda told me" he gave a disapproving look to Sonya "I know you don't want us to worry mom, but you're sick, so we're gonna worry no matter what. If you hide the way you're feeling we're just gonna be even more worried"

"I know, I'm sorry"

"You have nothing to be sorry about mom" Nick smiled "just…we love you"

"Yeah, we love you mom" Sonya sat down next to her mother.

Cesaria placed her arms around her kids "I'm tired and will go to bed"

"Ok mom" Sonya smiled, she tried not to meet Nick's gaze, he was not happy.

"What were you thinking?" Nick said when the bedroom's door was shut "inviting Amanda over, I told you not to get involved so you do it anyway?"

"We just wanted to meet your girlfriend" she shrugged "and just so you know, I like and approve her"

"I told you to let it go, so let it go!" he crossed his arms.

"That's your problem Nick" she countered "you're always ready to let things that are good for you go, but you obsess over stupid things. You like her, we like her, so what's the problem?"

"I don't want to talk to you about it"

"So just listen to this" she smiled "I know you want to move to be with Zara and Gil and that's great, but what's gonna happen in ten years? When they go to college and not really need you? You're gonna be what, fifty? And you're gonna be alone! And you know what, if nowadays fifty is the new forty, in ten years you're gonna be like…thirty five. Don't you want to be happy?"

"I gotta go" Nick didn't answer the question, he didn't want to think about her bizarre math, or the idea of being alone. He had to think of being there for Zara and Gil, they were more important than him.

* * *

Amanda walked into her apartment, it's been over a week since the dinner with Nick's family and she wasn't invited to any others. Nick did tell her his mother was experiencing more side effects and that the doctor changed her medications to help her feel a little better, she said it was working.

"Hey, what are you doing?" she asked, he was sitting on the couch with a lot of papers in front of him.

"Insurance, I'm almost done" he looked up "they pay but I have to do a lot of this"

Amanda patted Frannie and walked over to the couch, sitting behind him so she could massage his shoulder.

Nick closed his eyes, enjoying her touch "seeing this written down" he picked up one of the receipts "I can't even read the name of this drug"

"Sorry" she wrapped her arms around him.

"Maybe I should try the yoga again" he turned to her.

"Want me to help with that?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure" Amanda nodded.

"Did it really help you? The yoga retreat you went to after…" he didn't have to elaborate, she knew he was talking about Patton's trial.

"It wasn't really about the yoga" she said "it was more about having some time for me, so I could forgive myself"

He grabbed both of her hands and kissed her palms "I should have been a better friend to you"

"You're a good friend Nick" she smiled "you can't be perfect all of the time"

"Let's face it, not even half of the time" he kissed her.

"You should get back to this…" she gestured at the table and stood up "I'm going to take a shower"

"Maybe I could join you" he caught her hand again.

"I don't know, can you?" she gave him a daring look before walking away.

Nick finished with the receipts and placed the papers in an envelope before following her into the bathroom.

She was already standing under the water and turned around when she heard him.

"Hey" he said.

"Hi"

Nick's eyes focused on her breasts, especially on the hickey on the side on her left one.

"Enjoying your handy work?" she asked.

"Is that from two nights ago?"

"Hasn't faded yet" she sounded a bit bitter.

"You're unhappy?" he raised his brows "what about this one?" he turned a little so she could see his butt and pointed on a love bite she had left there.

"Don't act like you didn't like it" she bit her lip.

"Don't act like you didn't like yours" he moved closer until he was merely an inch away.

"Don't act like you're not going to kiss me unless I admit I liked it" she didn't have a problem playing this game.

"Ok, I won't" he said and his mouth connected with hers as his hands pulled her to his body.

Their tongues played with one another for a while until Nick lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around him.

"How about another one?" Nick offered excitedly and Amanda nodded and held on tighter when his lips moved to her right breast and he sucked on the skin. He moved his left foot but when he placed it on the wet surface he slipped and lost his balance. Luckily Amanda was able to lean against the tiles and catch his hand, he used the other one to hold on to the wall.

"Got kinda over excited there, didn't ya?" she teased.

"That is not funny" he laughed "I could have dropped you or hurt my leg again"

"Does that mean we will never fool around in the shower again?" she asked.

"I'm willing to fool around with you everywhere, but maybe this time we can continue this in the safety of the bedroom"

"We can do that" she nodded "right after I finish washing my hair, it's gonna take some time now that you're not gonna help me"

"I think I'm a safety hazard right now, but I will be impatiently waiting for you in bed"

"I won't be long" she promised "not with that picture in mind"

Nick lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling, somehow he was missing her, she was in the other room and he still felt like she was too far. He smiled when he couldn't hear the water anymore and a minute or two later she showed up, a towel wrapped around her.

Nick leaned on his forearms and smiled at her "come here, I need to finish what I started"

Amanda slowly walked to the bed and he sat up. Once she stood in front of him Nick reached to the towel, he looked at her while he freed the fabric and let it drop to the floor.

"You're stunning" Nick said, placing his hands on her waist, he loved the natural look, not having any layers between them, he could see the real her and that's what he wanted, for her walls to be down.

"You're not too bad yourself" she whispered.

"Come here" he pulled her to him and they kissed for a long time, not in a hurry to do more, both enjoying the slower pace, of the way the other's skin felt like under their palms and the way it felt to be touched.

"I thought you wanted to…" Amanda took a breath "give me another hickey"

"Do you want me to?" he caressed her back.

"I want you on my skin" her voice cracked up a little so she kissed him again, not wanting to talk.

Nick turned them around so he could be on top of her "maybe you should tattoo my name" he nibbled on her neck.

"You think I should tattoo you name?" her fingers tangled up in his hair.

"I think it's going to add…" he moved lower "to your beauty"

Amanda chuckled "you think so? Maybe you should do the same"

"Tattoo my name?" he joked.

"Stop" she said and Nick moved off of her.

"You're ok?" he asked, she walked to the kitchen and Nick wondered if he did something wrong. But she was back a few seconds later, smiling. There was a marker pen in her hand.

"Are you kidding?" Nick asked.

"Don't worry, it's not permanent" she sat down next to him and her hand caressed his thigh.

"I had no idea you're so kinky Amanda" he sat up.

"Why do you care? Are you planning on showing it to anyone?" her hand closed around his erection "I'll make it worth your while"

"Fuck" he hissed "you always do"

"Then lie on your stomach and…" she raised the pen and opened the cap.

"I'm a little scared" he admitted but did what she told and lay down on his stomach.

"You should be" she straddled him and used the other side of the pen to trail his body.

"What are you doing?" Nick gave up control completely, she had the power and even though he trusted her not to do anything too crazy, he still had no idea what she was planning.

"Don't interrupt the artistic process, I'm checking the canvas" she lightly spanked his left butt cheek.

"I thought you weren't going to do anything kinky"

"Don't act like this isn't turning you on" she kept on moving the pen all over his back, she hasn't drawn anything yet and had fun torturing him.

"You don't have to work so hard for that"

"Don't I know it" Amanda leaned closer to him, letting her chest rest against his back "you're easy"

"I thought you mentioned something about making it worth my while, I'm still waiting"

She took off the cap again and he felt her hand on his butt, she started tracing the outline of her palm and even though he couldn't see her face Nick could tell she was wearing a huge grin.

"How does it look?" he asked when she moved her hand away.

"Like a masterpiece, should I add a smiley face?"

"I think I'm good" he chuckled.

"You're gonna like it, maybe even want to get it permanently tattooed" Amanda moved so he could turn around.

"I'd rather have the real thing" he said "your hands feel really good"

"You're about to get your wish" she straddled him again and gave him a quick peck before traveling lower, planting kisses all over his chest. She sucked on his belly button, letting her hands rest on his thighs. Her lips moved lower and Nick felt a little dizzy when they closed around the tip of his member. Her hands were on his chest as her mouth worked on his hardness. Her right hand moved lower and he moaned when she simultaneously used her tongue and fingers on him. She felt his balls tighten under her touch and she knew he was going to come soon. The warmth of her mouth was driving him insane and he called her name, at least he thought he did, he was completely out of control. Her left hand was on his butt, squeezing it and making him gasp.

"Amanda" he wanted to warn her, but she didn't care, she pushed him over the breaking point and didn't ease up until he exploded in her mouth.

She sat up and looked at his satisfied grin, his eyes were focused on her and he pulled her in for a kiss.

"You can paint on me whenever you want" he mumbled against her lips.

"Yeah?" she grabbed the pen "do you want a neck tattoo?"

"Somewhere no one can see" he warned, afraid she'd draw something on his forehead.

"I know" Amanda sat up "a flower right here" she the pen moved closer to his crotch.

"Oh, I don't think so" Nick reached for the pen but she pulled her hand away so he won't be able to steal it.

"What do you have against flowers?" Amanda giggled as they resettled for the pen.

"I…" he wanted to snatch it and got on top of her again, thinking he'd use his body for his advantage. He was trying to snatch the pen but Amanda was putting up a fight and she wasn't above using her charms, rubbing her knee against his crotch.

"That's not fair" he gritted his teeth.

They were still fighting for the pen when Nick moved closer and Amanda tried to wiggle her way from underneath him and somehow ended up on her stomach, but still holding on to it. She couldn't see his actions and when she moved her hand up she felt the pen touch something, it was his shoulder.

Nick let her go and Amanda turned around, smiling "is this better than a flower?" she dropped the pen, there was a black scribble on his shoulder.

"Amanda" he looked at it "really?"

"Don't worry, no one's gonna know" she shrugged "it's not that bad"

"Now I have two of this and you have none" he got off the bed to find the pen "so it's only fair"

"Fine" she lay down on her back "what's fair is fair"

Nick smiled seeing her spread out in front of him "turn around" he ordered.

"Are you going to copy my work?"

"Let me worry about that" he kissed her shoulder blades, suddenly not very interested in the pen. His lips glided down her spine and he let his fingers follow, keeping his touch tender on her soft skin. He let his right hand sneak under her and move between her legs, he smiled when she let out a moan and pressed herself against his hand, looking for more pressure.

She got on her knees and bucked her ass against his crotch "what are you waiting for?"

Nick grabbed a hold of himself and slowly entered her, feeling her body engulf him. She was clearly impatient and even though he tried to take things slower Amanda didn't let him and forced him to thrust faster until she cried his name with abandon and they both collapsed on the bed.

Nick moved the stray hair from her sweaty forehead once he rolled on his back.

"I'm hungry" Amanda smiled at him, she felt her stomach growl, she grabbed something at lunch but Nick distracted her after she got home.

"Want me to make you something?" he offered "I think we have some leftovers from the Chinese place"

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom, surprise me" Amanda got out of the bed and Nick watched as she put one of his t shirts on. Once she was out of the room Nick grabbed his boxers and walked into the kitchen. There was a box with noodles but Nick decided she deserved something better. He grabbed a can of peeled tomatoes and onions. He did some shopping as a way of helping out, Amanda refused to accept any rent money, saying he wasn't living there, so Nick's been contributing in different ways, going to the store, helping with Frannie, cleaning.

He poured the pasta into a pot with boiling water and heat up a pan before chopping the onions when Amanda joined, wearing a pair of pants under his shirt. She walked straight to the fridge and grabbed the box with the leftovers.

"I don't think so" Nick took it away "I'm making pasta"

"Nick, I'm starving" she said.

The sizzle of the onions filled the room the moment Nick poured them into the pan and Amanda stood by him, watching his movements.

"I think it suits you" she looked at the black ink on his shoulder.

"I'm ignoring it" he said "and the other one"

"You haven't even seen it, I think it's beautiful" she looked down.

Nick smirked and continued working on the sauce, it was really simple but he didn't want to mess it up "hand me the salt please"

They sat at the table when the food was ready and Nick poured each a glass of water. The food was fine, the company was better. Nick smiled as she talked, he loved the sound of her voice, the way she smiled, the little stain from the sauce that decorated the top of her lip.

"So the house wasn't haunted after all" she shrugged.

"I had a feeling"

"Who knows" Amanda grabbed the dishes and walked to the sink "maybe the ghost just moved"

"Did it have a hard time paying rent?" he chuckled.

"Don't laugh at me!" she gave him a stern look.

"I have no idea how ghost world works, so who knows, maybe they rent"

"Ghost world?" Amanda smiled and they quietly finished cleaning up "I'm gonna take Frannie out"

"Want me to join you?" he reached for her lip and wiped the stain off.

"Mind if it's just the two of us? We need to gossip a little" she said and walked to the bedroom to change her clothes.

"Frannie promised not to tell you any of our secrets" he said when she emerged.

"Are you turning my dog against me Nick?" she put her hair up in a ponytail.

"I would never" he shrugged "but we have our own secrets"

"Ok" she took the leash and opened the door "I'll see you later"

"I'm going to sleep soon, I have to get up early" he had to take his mother to the hospital.

Amanda nodded and walked out of the door and rushed downstairs to the street.

"Come on girl" Amanda started running, she didn't have a route planned, she just let her feet take her away.

Amanda had to get away, not because she wanted to, she wanted Nick to go with them, to feel him hold her hand. She wanted so much from him, with him. But it had to end, it was going to end soon. She wasn't sorry for offering him a place to stay. Being with him was so easy, simple, sometimes she couldn't even remember the hard times they had.

"We better return" she stopped to catch her breath, not realizing how tired she was.

He was already asleep and Amanda tried to be as quiet as possible so she wouldn't wake him up. She was as quiet when she returned and climbed into the bed next to him, her eyes exploring his soft features.

Everything's temporary, she reminded herself, at least she's gonna have the memories.

* * *

The next day Amanda returned home and was greeted by Frannie. Nick left early, like he did when he had to take her to chemo. He always tried not to wake her, he walked with the dog, made breakfast. This morning she heard him return into the room, she pretended to be asleep while he put his clothes on. She thought he was on to her when he walked over to the bed and caressed her cheek before leaving, did he do that every morning?

Amanda finished eating the pasta Nick made yesterday when her phone rang, it was Sonya's number and she wasn't sure why she'd call, Nick wasn't thrilled about the fact she invited Amanda to dinner.

"Sonya?" Amanda answered.

"Hey Amanda" Sonya's voice was quiet "I need your help"

"What's going on?" why was she almost whispering?

"It's Nick" she said "he's ok, but he…he ate mom's pot cookies"

* * *

 _Do you like this fic? Yes? No? I have no idea…_


	9. Chapter 9

After a light dinner Sonya helped Cesaria get into bed, she returned to the kitchen and saw Nick standing there, holding a box of cookies. Oops, the should have told him.

"How many did you have?" Sonya asked nonchalantly.

"Two, did mom make them? They're good" he handed her the box.

"No, she didn't" Sonya took the box and put it back in the fridge "why didn't you ask if you could have any? There were only three left"

"These are just cookies" he said "I'm heading out"

"Wait!" she called "I need your help with something"

"Ok, what is it?"

"Just a sec! Ok?" she grabbed her phone and walked to the bathroom. She couldn't let Nick drive, he just had two pot cookies…oops. She called Amanda and asked her to come over so she'd drive.

"Thanks for waiting" Sonya smiled.

Nick was confused, he wasn't sure what was going on with his sister, she asked for help and disappeared in the bathroom, maybe she had a stomach ache.

"What do you need?" he was tired and wanted to go back home…not that Amanda's place was his home.

"I need…" she wasn't sure what to ask him to do, the house was clean, their mother was asleep. Wasn't there a picture he could hang or something?

"What?" what was taking her so long?

"I need a hug!"

"Ok" Nick smiled and hugged her "you ok?"

"Yeah" she hoped Amanda would show up soon, maybe she turned the siren on and was just seconds away "I just wanted a hug from my big brother"

"Are you really ok?" he tried to pull away buy Sonya wasn't letting him go.

"Of course, I want quality time with my brother, that's all"

Finally, they heard a knock on the door and Sonya rushed to open it.

"Thank you so much for coming" Sonya whispered when she let her in "look who's here!" she announced.

"Hey" Amanda smiled at him.

"What are you doing here?" Nick asked, surprised to see her.

"She was just in the neighborhood" Sonya replied, not giving anyone else a chance to talk "you should go, I'm tired too and…" she faked a yawn "bye!"

"Bye?" Nick thought it was a funny word, who made it up? Bye…b-y-e "bye"

"Thank you" Sonya mouthed to Amanda.

"We'll take my car" Amanda chuckled, Nick didn't ask too many questions which must have meant the pot was affecting him somehow "how are you feeling?"

"Fine" he said as they walked to her car "fi-ne"

"Yeah?" she smiled before she sat down in the driver's seat "fi-ne?"

"I like that word, it's funny. Funny is funny too" he scratched his nose.

Amanda laughed when she drove away, she has never pictured Nick high. Sure, drugs weren't exactly something they should be trying, but it seemed like Nick didn't even try smoking pot in college.

He was staring out the window and from what Amanda could see, since she had to keep her eyes on the road, he was looking at the city as if it was his first time there. At least he didn't act paranoid, she could see that happening.

He followed her upstairs and she turned to make sure he was alright. When her eyes met his Nick smiled widely and grabbed her hand, pulling her to him.

"Careful!" she lost her balance and Nick had to hold her so she wouldn't fall.

"Don't worry" he said "I won't let anything hurt you" he picked her up and carried her to the apartment. Amanda giggled but didn't protest, she did hope no nosey neighbors were spying on them.

Nick walked in to the apartment and lowered Amanda to the floor after closing the door.

"Thank you, my hero" she joked.

"You're welcome" he bowed "I like that…super Nick"

"Super Nick?" Amanda patted Frannie "and what would be your super power?"

"My super power?" Nick seriously thought about it and took a few steps toward her, grabbing a hold of her hands again "the power of dance!"

Amanda laughed again and Nick turned her around so he was facing her back. His right hand moved over her stomach and down. When his palm was right above her crotch Nick pulled her to him.

"So this is super Nick's power?" she asked, hoping it wasn't, she didn't like the thought of him touching anyone else like that. But she brushed the worry away, soon he will be gone and it won't matter.

"I'll teach you" he whispered in her ear and started moving his pelvis in circular motion.

"So it's the power of dirty dancing?" she turned to look at him.

Amanda wasn't sure what he was doing, because this wasn't exactly dancing, it felt like a very weird grinding motion.

"Do you want to…" he abruptly let her go "do the Macarena?"

"I like how you say it" Amanda smiled.

"M-c-a-r-e-n-a?" he repeated slowly, trying to follow the movements "why are you standing there?"

"I'm just enjoying looking at whatever this is" she crossed her arms.

"The M-c-a-r-e-n-a?" he jumped and turned to the left.

"If you say so"

"Party pooper" he stopped dancing "I'm hungry"

"Probably, you're high" she said.

"Not enough" he shook his head.

"Not enough?"

"Not high enough" he shrugged "not for the NBA"

"I guess not"

"I'm gonna make a cake" Nick announced "come and help me out, you can be my sidekick"

"Can't I be a super hero?" she followed him to the kitchen.

"You can be…" Nick turned around and grabbed a hold of her, capturing her lips in a fiery kiss, catching Amanda off guard.

Just as abruptly, Nick let her mouth go and walked to the fridge to look for something to eat. He wanted a cake but Amanda didn't have flour. He saw the eggs and took them out of the fridge.

Amanda had to catch her breath, this wasn't the first time Nick kissed her that way and walked away like nothing had happened. She hated that he affected her this way, like she physically needed him, that something was missing when he wasn't connected to her.

She watched as he worked on the omelet, he offered to make her one, but she refused. All she wanted was to go outside and run until she'd be too tired to think, until there'd be nothing on her mind. She wasn't supposed to overthink this, but she couldn't stop, couldn't get him out of her mind and what scared her most was that she didn't want to.

She didn't want to stop thinking about him, she wanted more. Why did she offer him a place in her apartment, in her bed, in her heart? She convinced herself stopping would be easy, they'd say goodbye and walk their separate ways. But now, seeing Nick walking, and once in a while skipping, in her kitchen. She hated that thought.

"I thought you didn't want one" Nick said with his mouth fool "there are no more eggs, but don't cry"

"What?" Amanda didn't even notice she had tears running down her cheeks "it's ok"

"Here" he handed her the remains of the omelet "Don't cry"

"Thank you" she let out a laugh and a sob at the same time and placed the plate on the counter.

"Is this about the cake? The Macarena?" he was worried "because you're the sidekick?"

"It's nothing" Amanda touched his arm "I'm just a little tired"

"So let's go to bed, would you like me to carry you?" he bowed again.

"I can manage" she said "come on"

"Amanda" Nick whispered when they were both under the covers.

"What?"

"Don't tell them" he said.

"Don't tell who what?"

"That I don't like California" he replied "don't tell the people there"

"Ok, I won't tell the residents of California that you don't like it"

"Thank you" he kissed her cheek.

It didn't take Nick long to fall asleep, Amanda listened to his even breaths and turned to look at him. He looked so peaceful she just wanted to feel the same. Maybe she should have asked for a cookie for herself.

Amanda tossed and turned next to him for a while. She couldn't sleep and was getting frustrated about it. Finally she got out of the bed and walked to the kitchen, it was a little messy. Nick always cleaned up after cooking, but this time he didn't even put the dishes in the sink. Amanda didn't feel like cleaning up, no, what she wanted was a drink. If Nick was high she could be a little drunk, maybe even a lot.

She poured herself a drink and emptied it in a few seconds. She didn't want Nick to leave, she wasn't ready yet, she wanted more. So she wasn't going to say anything, she was going to pretend that everything was the same. They will just do whatever they've been doing until he leaves. If her heart was bound to break – she could at least postpone it as long as possible.

* * *

Nick woke up feeling a little weird. His brain was a bit foggy, he couldn't remember how he got to bed. He had dinner with his mother and sister and somehow Amanda showed up and drove them home. Then…things were a bit unclear. Amanda wasn't next to him and when he walked to the kitchen (not missing the dirty dishes and oily pan) he noticed Frannie wasn't there too.

He figured they were out for a jog and started cleaning up. Did he make this omelet? He only vaguely remembered something about it and wasn't sure why. He'd have to ask Amanda when she gets back. But he wasn't sure when that was going to be, she didn't leave a note, didn't send him a text. He took a shower, made himself a toast and two hours later, there was no sign of her and Nick was getting worried. She'd stop at home to leave Frannie if it was a work thing. He tried calling but there was no answer.

Finally, three hours after he got up, Amanda walked into the apartment.

"Where were you?" Nick rushed to her "I got worried"

"I expected you to be paranoid last night, not this morning" she smiled and freed Frannie from the leash.

"What?"

"You accidentally ate pot cookies at your mom's place. But don't worry, you didn't do anything too weird, it is you, after all"

"Oh…" Nick tried to let things sink. First – there was the fact Sonya and his mom didn't tell him about the pot cookies, another thing they kept from him. Then there was the fact he got high – and he never tried drugs before. The last thing on his mind was that Amanda looked a little different. Sure, she was sweaty from running (she's been out for a long time), her cheeks were red, her hair was a little messy. But there was something he couldn't define.

"You were out for a long time" he said.

"Yeah" Amanda nodded but didn't elaborate "I have to take a shower"

"Wait" Nick had a bizarre feeling and he walked over to her "thanks for making sure I wouldn't do anything crazy"

"Maybe there's something I'm not telling" she smiled.

"I trust you" he caressed her cheek.

* * *

"Hey Nick" Sonya said quietly when she opened the door for him "how are you feeling"

"How do you think I feel?" he stared at her.

Sonya wasn't sure how to react, Nick had a reason to be upset, but she didn't want an argument or a fight.

"I'm sorry" she apologized "I should have told you but…I was afraid you'd be like ' _don't give mom drugs_!'" she raised her hands and tried to imitate him, something Nick didn't appreciate at all, she wasn't doing a good job.

"The only thing that matters is that it helps mom" he said.

"I didn't know you'd be so free spirited about it" Sonya smiled.

"Free spirited?" They heard Cesaria walking into the living room.

"Nick had two of your cookies last night" Sonya explained.

"Oh" Cesaria looked at her daughter and then at her son "I'm sorry we didn't say anything, you're ok?"

"Of course he is" Sonya gave him a slap on his back, an action that rewarded her a stern look from him "I called Amanda and she took care of him"

Cesaria couldn't control the smile that formed on her lips, she really liked that woman "she's a keeper"

Both woman were looking at him and Nick felt attacked by them, as if they hoped that by staring at him they'd make him do something differently.

"Mom…" he didn't know what to say.

"I don't understand why you can't ask her to go with you" Cesaria sat down on the couch.

Nick took a deep breath, the question was upsetting "look, Amanda's been through things, at the job, she made some mistakes and…"

"Just like someone we know" Sonya mumbled.

Nick ignored the remark and continued "and she's probably not gonna be able to get a job with the LAPD, not without knowing someone there. And if she agrees I don't know what she could do there, it's not easy and…" he didn't really want to say it, but maybe if he explained they'd understand and stop harassing him "slowly it's gonna affect her and she could end up resenting me for asking and…" he shrugged, he didn't feel like he was worth it. If he asked, and if by some miracle she'd say yes, career wise it could be a bad move and he knew that the job and the independence was extremely important to her.

It seemed that Nick's confession worked and both Cesaria and Sonya looked away and a second later changed the subject.

"Since today is the last treatment for this cycle, maybe Zara and Gil could come by for a visit, it that alright?" Cesaria asked.

"I'm sure they'd love to, I'll make sure they come for a visit"

* * *

True to his word Nick organized the children's visit. He got a hotel room so they could all stay there, he knew Cesaria was tired and won't be able to spend a lot of time with them. It was hard for both Zara and Gil, they tried to be brave when they were with their abuela, but when they returned to the room Zara was crying and Gil was very quiet.

"I don't want her to die" Zara's face was buried in Nick shirt, she was sobbing.

"Me neither" Nick caressed her hair "she's fighting and she is very strong" he looked at Gil who was staring out of the window, he barely said a word since they left Cesaria's place and Nick had no idea what he was thinking.

"I know it's hard" Nick said "but the fact you visited means a lot to her and to me, it's ok to be sad and cry, but I know abuela would want you to have some fun while you're here, maybe we could go watch a movie?" he didn't want the three of them to sit at the room and just cry.

"Maybe we can go to the park?" Zara sat up.

"Sure, Gil?" Nick looked at his son.

"Fine" he said quietly.

They left for the park and spent some time there, Zara tried to be cheerful and talked about her school and friends. Gil, on the other hand, nodded a few times but didn't talk. Nick knew he had to have a word alone with him so he sent a text to Sonya and asked her to join them. She was so thrilled about it and when she came by she had a box with pastries she bought on the way, balls in case they'd want to play and even a book about birds in case they wanted to do some bird watching (Nick laughed, he had no idea his mother had this book and he had no idea why his sister brought it).

"Zara, there's something I want to show you" Sonya knew Nick wanted a few minutes with Gil so she made a bad excuse.

Once the girls left Nick sat down and Gil did the same "so…" Nick started "talk to me, I understand you're worried"

"Yeah" Gil looked down.

"Gil?"

"I don't know her that long and…I'm not a little kid, I know what cancer means"

Nick scooted closer to the boy "I know, but a lot of people get better. The fact she's sick doesn't mean that she's dying. The doctor is optimistic and I'm trying to be too, it is hard, I'm scared too"

He hugged Gil, not sure what else to say, he could relate, the fear was overwhelming. But he had someone there for him and that made it a little easier.

"Just talk to me if you want to, ok?" Nick said.

Gil nodded and Nick hugged him again and they joined Zara and Sonya, who was reading something about a bird.

"I hope you left us some food" Nick said.

"We ate all the tasty things" Sonya teased.

* * *

When the weekend was over and the children were on the way back to California Nick returned to Amanda's apartment. He didn't want them to know who was the friend he's been staying with so they didn't get to see each other for the duration of the visit. It felt so strange for him to stand in front of the door, he's been staying there for a while now and he felt like he belong there, but he also felt like a stranger, as if he forced himself into her life.

"I didn't know you were so interested with the door" he heard her voice and turned around, she had her keys in one hand and the other was holding Frannie's leash.

"I just got here" he lied, he was staring there for a few minutes, thinking she was inside. After all, it was morning.

"It was a late night at work so I didn't even sleep here, I had to take Frannie out" she unlocked the door "how was it?"

"It was ok" he said and placed his bag on the floor "it was hard for them at first, but we even managed to have some fun, so there were smiles between the tears"

"Smiles between the tears" Amanda chuckled "very poetic"

She stood up and looked at him, not wanting to say that she missed him. With all the time they've been spending together she got used to him and this weekend was hard, she tried to spend a lot of time at work because the apartment felt empty. She knew he was going to leave at some point, but she wasn't ready.

Amanda took a few steps towards him and touched his palm, not sure if she could kiss him, she wanted to but…

Nick was the one to make the move, he kissed her lips, softly at first but he could tell it wasn't enough. Only now, with her lips against his, he realized how much he missed her this weekend. His hands were on her back, pulling her closer.

"You should get some sleep" he mumbled.

"Later" she smiled and they made their way to the bedroom.

"Are you sure?" Nick grinned when he saw the bed.

Amanda took her blouse off and threw it on him "pretty sure"

Nick's eyes traveled down her body and he removed his shirt as a response. The rest of their clothes were on the floor quickly and Nick was on top of her, kissing her neck while his fingers were slowly moving lower in between her legs.

"Yeah" she gasped when he touched her clit.

"You like that?" he loved the sound of her voice when he pleasured her.

"You know I do" she pushed herself against his fingers "but I like it better when your tongue's involved"

"Is that right?" Nick rubbed her clit harder and she shut her eyes and nodded "in that case…" he enjoyed her approving sounds as he brought her to an orgasm with his tongue and fingers.

Nick mouth moved up her body, he needed to burry himself inside of her but she could use a few moments so he enjoyed kissing her stomach, her breasts and her collar bone until she pulled his face to hers, kissing him.

He slowly entered her, leaning his forehead against hers, he missed the incredible feeling of being with her and it took a lot not to say it. He started moving faster, his body was in charge and soon he climaxed inside of her.

Once they caught their breaths Nick spooned her, feeling her naked body pressed to his.

"Amanda?" he whispered but she didn't answer, he realized she fell asleep and held her for some time, lying with her in his arms made time lose meaning, he didn't want to let her go.

* * *

"Hey" Amanda stretched, she was surprised to find him in bed, but maybe she didn't get more than a few minutes "how long did I sleep?"

"A few hours" he replied "I drifted off myself" what he didn't tell her was that even though he woke up before her, he just watched as she slept, loving the way her warm body felt against his.

"I'm hungry" she said.

"Want me to make us something?"

"Good luck with that, the fridge is empty" she replied.

"Why am I not surprised?" Nick smiled.

"I was planning to go to the store yesterday" she defended her actions "but I had work so…"

"I can go get takeout" he offered.

"That would require you getting dressed and going out" she allowed her fingers to travel down his body.

"I thought you were hungry" he grinned.

"I can eat later" Amanda climbed on top of him "unless…"

"No reservations here"

"I can tell" she winked, her hand caressing his growing member.

* * *

A while later they took Frannie out for a walk and bought some food. Since the two of them were starving, they stopped for sandwiches and sat on a bench, enjoying the food.

"I think they're gonna be fine" Nick told her about the children's weekend "I was really worried about Gil but he seemed to open up later"

"That's good" Amanda nodded "I'm glad you managed to have some fun"

"We even tried bird watching, very awkward bird watching but…" he shrugged.

"That sounds…" Amanda was laughing so hard she couldn't finish the sentence.

"It was Sonya's idea!"

"I don't know if I believe you" she said.

"Want a proof?" he asked and pointed at a random bird on a branch "I have no idea what kind of bird it is"

"Ok" Amanda shook her head "let's pretend that's a proof"

Nick made dinner and Amanda did her best to interrupt. The earlier awkwardness was completely gone, they were enjoying one another's company. They were having a little food fight and Amanda was winning.

"I thought you wanted to eat pasta with this tomato sauce" he looked at his t shirt.

"Maybe I just wanted to see you without it" she grinned.

"All you had to do was ask" Nick took it off.

"Now I can enjoy dinner and the view"

Nick didn't have anything to say about that so he just smiled. His phone rang and he walked to the living room to answer "it's ready, turn it off please"

"I always have to do the complicated stuff" she joked and Nick smiled.

"Hey Sonya" he saw her name on the screen.

"Nick…" the tone of her voice made his smile disappear, she was crying.

"What is it?" he said seriously.

"It's mom…she's…at the hospital, I don't…" he couldn't understand everything she said "please hurry"

* * *

 _I'm not too motivated to write, but the story isn't dead yet, it's on life support._

 _Leave a review if you're curious to know what happens next._


	10. Chapter 10

"Nick?" Amanda walked over to him, he was staring at the phone, he seemed frozen "Nick?"

"Something's wrong with my mom, she's been hospitalized" he finally said and hurried to the bedroom to get dressed.

Amanda followed him and watched as he put on an undershirt and grabbed a clean shirt from the closet. He fumbled with the buttons, as if this was his first encounter with a button.

"Damn it!" Nick raised his voice and let go of the fabric, why was this little plastic circle so complicated?

"Nick" Amanda rushed to him, her hands grabbed the shirt and he watched as she buttoned it. He felt like he was a child who couldn't do that himself, he felt weak, incompetent.

"I'll drive you" she said and grabbed a jacket, he wasn't going to argue, he couldn't even think straight, let alone drive.

Nick almost forgot how to walk, Sonya's voice and tears were echoing in his ears, he wasn't sure what happened but he understood it was bad. He just told the kids their grandmother was strong, that she was fighting and now he was scared she was losing. He felt Amanda's hand closing around his and he followed her out of the apartment, stopping just to grab their things.

With Amanda's driving it didn't take a long time for them to get to the hospital. Nick rushed to the floor Sonya mentioned and spotted her sitting in a chair, crying.

"Sonya" he called her name and ran to her "hey" he hugged her, seeing her swollen red eyes Nick felt even worse "what happened?"

"She had a fever and went to sleep for a few hours but…she collapsed and I called an ambulance"

"Where's the doctor?" Nick looked around, he saw a couple of nurses rushing somewhere, other people who were waiting for something or someone, he saw Amanda, she gave the siblings space and was leaning on a nearby wall.

"I…" she started sobbing again.

"Let's go find him" they walked to the nurse's station and asked to see the doctor. The man showed up quickly, he lead them to another room which only worried Nick more.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Your mother suffers from septic shock" the doctor explained "I'm afraid it is very serious but we are doing the best we can"

"But the cancer…" Nick wasn't sure what he was saying, what he wanted to say.

"Chemo makes the body more susceptible to infections. Right now we are giving her a lot of antibiotics and fluids"

"But is she going to be ok?"

"I'm not going to lie" the doctor was serious "I can't promise that, but again, we're doing everything we can"

"Can we talk to her?"

"You can go into the room, but we sedated her for now" the man gave them more information before he was called again.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom" Sonya said, she wanted to wash her face and walked away.

Once he was alone Nick looked for Amanda, she was standing at the same spot and walked over to him when their eyes met.

"It's bad, septic shock" Nick let her know, he took out his phone but Amanda took it from him.

"No google" she said, knowing he was about to look for information about it. She knew the diagnosis was terrible, that the odds weren't exactly in their favor.

"Hey Amanda" Sonya joined them and smiled slightly, her eyes were still red.

"Hi"

"We should go see mom" Nick tried to sound confident but he was scared and worried.

"I'll stay here" Amanda gave Nick the phone, she felt like they should do that alone, she didn't really know Cesaria.

The nurse led them to the room and said a few words before leaving. Cesaria was asleep, there were tubes, an IV, a beeping sound seemed to bother Sonya and the first few times she cursed whenever she heard that sound.

"Shit" she said "it's annoying, how can she sleep?"

Nick wasn't in the mood for jokes but he didn't say anything about it, he had no idea what to say or what to do, Cesaria was asleep so he couldn't talk to her and he wasn't sure what to say to Sonya, he was feeling the familiar feeling, the anger, why didn't she call the doctor the moment the fever started? But it wasn't her fault, she was doing her best and their mother did tend to hide not feeling well.

"Nick" Sonya looked at him but he had no idea what to say.

* * *

Amanda had to go to work but she returned to the hospital after her shift ended.

"Hey" Amanda stood by the door "where's Sonya?"

"She left to eat something" he said "come in"

Amanda stepped inside, when she stood next to him she placed his hand on his shoulder "any change?"

"The doctor said we have to wait, that's all we can do" he grabbed her hand and held it for a few minutes "she woke up for a few minutes, but she was so groggy…" Nick pulled Amanda closer so she was sitting on his lap.

"Nick" she looked at him.

"Tell me it's gonna be ok" he begged, needing her to say the words, as if her voice was magical.

"It's gonna be ok" Amanda caressed his cheek tenderly.

Nick leaned his head against her shoulder and they stayed like that for a few minutes until someone came into the room.

"Sorry to interrupt" the nurse mumbled and walked to Cesaria.

"How is she?" Nick let Amanda go.

"The doctor will be here soon" she smiled but didn't elaborate.

"I need to take care of Frannie" Amanda said quietly "but I can stay a little longer if you want me to"

"It's ok" Nick said "I'll call you later"

The doctor let them know that there was no change, he said it was a good thing because she wasn't worse. He wanted them to go home and get some rest and even though Nick tried to argue, he figured the doctor wouldn't send them home if he thought things would get worse.

"I don't want to go home alone" Sonya said when they walked to the elevator.

"I'll stay there with you" he offered.

"I just can't stay there, it's too much" Sonya didn't want to be at that place right now.

"Then how about a hotel room?" he tried.

"Can't I just go with you?"

"To Amanda's place?" Nick's eyes widened, he did not expect that.

"I just don't want to be alone at some hotel room or stay at mom's place, please" he could tell this wasn't a game, she was genuinely uncomfortable being alone.

"Look, there's not much room in Amanda's place and…" he couldn't spring this on Amanda.

"Please just ask her…I…" she started crying again and Nick knew he wasn't going to refuse. He texted Amanda and wasn't surprised when she told him it was ok. They took a cab to Cesaria's apartment so Sonya could pack a bag.

While he waited for her, Nick understood exactly why she wanted to stay elsewhere, just standing there made him want to cry, he hated that she was in a bad condition and there was nothing he could do.

* * *

"Hey" Amanda opened the door for them.

"Thank you so much and I'm sorry" Sonya said.

"It's fine" Amanda smiled at her and then at Nick.

"We appreciate this" he said.

"Nick's gonna add it to the list" Sonya placed her bag on the floor and turned her attention to Frannie.

"I will" he gave Amanda another smile.

The three of them ate together, enjoying a light conversation that centered on Frannie.

"I always wanted a dog but I don't think I'd do a good job taking care of one, I had a cat once but he ran away" Sonya said.

"When did you have a cat?" Nick asked.

"He wasn't really mine" she looked at Amanda "he belonged to this guy I dated and I left the door open, so the cat ran away and he was so angry we broke up"

"Ok" Nick didn't want to hear more about his sister's relationships "I think I'm gonna take a shower and go to sleep"

"Sleep sounds like a good idea" Amanda said, she was tired too. She gave Sonya a blanket and a pillow and walked into the bedroom.

Nick joined a few minutes later and climbed into the bed next to her "thank you" he said "you didn't have to let Sonya stay here and…"

"It's ok Nick" she rested her hand on his chest.

There were no words to express his gratitude and the words he wanted to say were off limits. He placed his palm on hers and closed his eyes, hoping that the exhaustion will win the fight with the fear and let him get some sleep.

0

When morning arrived Nick found himself alone in bed. He opened the bedroom's door but stayed inside the room when he heard Amanda and Sonya in the kitchen.

"…so I ended up adopting her" Amanda said, talking about Frannie.

"She's cute, my neighbor has an adorable dog, let me find the picture…" Sonya took out her phone and went through the photographs "wait, you have to see this one!"

Amanda chuckled when she looked at the screen "how old is he?"

"Mom showed me old photo albums and I took pictures of my favorite ones. This one is from his prom, mom made the two of us pose for a photo too, and his date…" she showed her next one "Helen, she was a little geeky but I liked her. Don't tell him I showed you, he's gonna kill me, he doesn't want people to see his hair in this one, I call it helmet-mushroom hair"

"I won't say a word" Amanda laughed, thinking Nick went through a lot of hair styles, the current one was definitely the winner "but I doubt Nick would kill you"

"Probably not, but you know him" Sonya shrugged "he's a good brother, I love him, but he can be a little…" she searched for the right word, hoping Amanda would help her out, but the other woman smiled slightly but didn't say anything "well, you know…square"

"Good morning" Nick decided it was the right time to end this conversation, he wasn't sure he wanted to hear Amanda's reaction "we should head out to the hospital soon"

"Ok" Sonya turned her phone around so he wouldn't see the screen "I'll go get ready in the bathroom"

"If you want something to eat you're gonna have to make it, cause your sister doesn't really like cooking" she said when Sonya closed the bathroom's door.

"I'm not hungry, I just want to go see my mom"

"I gotta go to work but call me if you need anything, ok?" she got up, not wanting to be late.

"Thanks" he moved a stray hair behind her ear.

"You're very welcome" she smiled and kissed his lips.

Nick didn't want to let go, he touched her waist and then moved, knowing they both had to leave. He pulled away but planted another soft peck on her lips before returning to the bedroom to get dressed.

"Ready?" Amanda was already gone when he returned but Sonya was waiting for him.

"Yeah, bye Frannie" she patted the dog and they walked to the car.

"So you think I'm a square, ha?" he tried to lighten the mood.

"What?" she was surprised he knew, did Amanda tell him?

"I heard you this morning" he said.

"Oh" she felt relieved, but then realized he may have heard more "you shouldn't eavesdrop"

"You shouldn't tell people I'm a square" he said with a smile.

"Why do you care? You two are just friends" she chuckled "as if"

"What now?" he asked, not wanting to have another conversation about the subject.

"I saw the way you two kissed…"

"I thought you shouldn't eavesdrop"

"You clearly love her, you care about her so…"

"I thought we were done with this" he raised his voice "this isn't your business, this isn't about you so why can't you let it go? How many times do I have to ask?"

"You are my brother so it is my business and you are acting like an idiot, there's someone who cares about you and you act like, I don't even know how to call it, but you're definitely an idiot and…"

"That's enough!" he said loudly "I'm tired of explaining and maybe you don't understand because you don't care or because no one cares about you but…"

"What?" Sonya's eyes widened "stop the car!"

"Sonya…"

"Stop the fucking car Nick!" she shouted and Nick pulled over.

"Sonya wait" he tried to convince her to stay but she got out of the car and walked away. He thought about running after her but guessed she'd go to the hospital.

* * *

Nick found the doctor who let him know that Cesaria was out of ICU, which made Nick feel better. She was awake when he walked into her room.

"Hey mom" he sat down next to her.

"Nicky" she smiled "where's Sonya?"

"She'll be here later" he couldn't think on an excuse "I hope you're feeling better"

"Tired mostly" she smiled.

"The doctor said it was expected, but you will feel better soon"

"Sonya and I were supposed to buy the head scarf today" she said quietly.

"You can do that later" he wasn't sure what to say.

"Yeah" Cesaria nodded "you were here yesterday?"

"Of course I was, Sonya was here too"

"I woke up for a bit, I wasn't sure if it was a dream…was Amanda here?" Nick nodded, did she hear them talk?

"Do you remember my story, about the man who moved away when you were kids?" she asked quietly and he nodded again "you knew him, you were his son's friend, Tommy"

"Tommy?" they were in the band together, he had no idea something was going on between his mother and his friend's father.

"I'm gonna sleep now Nicky" she closed her eyes.

"Ok, feel better" he carefully squeezed her hand and walked out of the room.

He called Sonya a few times but she didn't answer, he wasn't surprised about it, she was angry. He sent her a text saying he was sorry and that their mother needed them. He hoped she'd feel bad not being at the hospital. He shouldn't have said that nobody cared about her, but all the talking about his relationship with Amanda was hurting him and he couldn't handle it anymore. How many times did he have to say it, have to explain it? They weren't supposed to know about it, it was Amanda and his business, but Sonya had to complicate it by finding out and telling.

His phone buzzed and Nick hoped it was Sonya, maybe she decided to apologize for walking out of the car and not checking in on Cesaria. But it wasn't her, it was Amanda, asking how was his mother doing. Nick sent her a reply, saying she was better and asking if Sonya called her. He figured that she might want to take her things and run somewhere.

Instead of texting back Amanda called.

"Hey" Nick answered.

"Why would your sister call me?"

"We had a little fight and she's not answering me" he said.

"A fight, ha? Why am I not surprised" she chuckled.

"It's not funny, she got really mad"

"What happened?"

"I said something I didn't mean and she walked out of the car" he didn't want to say too much.

"What did you say?" Amanda was curious, it seemed like they had a lot of arguments but Nick really sounded upset.

"I said that nobody cared about her" he confessed.

"Very sensitive of you"

"I didn't mean it, ok? Just please let me know if she calls" he didn't want to say more, the last thing he wanted was for Amanda to realize it had something to do with her.

"I will. Did you check your mother's place?"

"No, I'll do that when I leave. See you later" he placed the phone back in his pocket and returned to his mother's room.

* * *

"Did you talk to her?" Amanda walked into the apartment, Nick was sitting on the couch with Frannie in his lap.

"No" he looked at her "she called the hospital and asked them to tell mom she's fine, so I guess we know that. I didn't find her at mom's place"

"Ok" Amanda threw her jacket on a chair and sat on the other side of the couch so she could pat the dog.

Frannie got up and licked Amanda's hand. Nick watched the smile on her face, even though Amanda was clearly tired she seemed so happy with Frannie.

"Did Nick take you for a walk already?" she smiled "that is our time girl"

"I actually didn't" Nick said "but if you're tired I'd love to"

"That's ok" she kissed Frannie's head "I'm never too tired for Frannie, but you can go with us if you want to"

"I'm invited?" he smiled "I thought this was a girl's thing"

"Well, you're like one of the girls" she laughed.

"Funny" Nick got up "I'm gonna join you even though I'm offended"

"Sorry about that" Amanda followed him and wrapped her hands around him "you are a very manly man"

"Thanks" he smiled and turned around, giving her a quick kiss.

"With a fragile ego" she smiled.

He chuckled, not having anything to say. He grabbed his shoes so they could go.

"So how's your mom?" she asked.

"She's better, out of danger, apart from the cancer…" he shrugged.

Amanda smiled slightly, knowing how scared he was. Cesaria survived this but she was still ill.

"Your mom's strong" she said.

"She has a long way and I don't want her to have to worry about anything, like Sonya"

"You mean like _you_ and Sonya fighting" Amanda smiled.

"I don't want to talk about that"

"Maybe you should talk about it, with her"

"If she'd answer my calls"

"Do you want to try calling from mine? It worked last time" she offered.

"I don't think it's gonna work twice" he shook his head "but thanks, you've been helping out a lot"

"It's no big deal"

"Yes it is" Nick stopped walking and Amanda turned to him "it's a very big deal, and thank you isn't enough"

"We're not gonna talk about rent again, are we?" she asked quietly.

"Not at all" Nick closed the gap between them "let's head back, ok?"

They started walking back to the apartment. Amanda felt like Nick wanted to say something but they walked quietly.

"Thanks" Amanda said when he opened the door for her. She took the leash off and walked to the bathroom.

Nick sat down on the couch, he tried calling Sonya again but the phone was off. At least she didn't leave a mess and placed all of her things in the bag this morning after she got up.

"What's up?" Amanda joined him on the couch.

"I don't know" he smiled and touched her cheek, needing to feel her skin.

"You sure?" she smiled back.

Nick wanted to tell her not to worry about him, that he was fine. But when he opened his mouth the words didn't come out. No, he wasn't fine and it wasn't just his mother and his sister. It wasn't everything that's been messed up in his life.

No, it was the good thing that was the problem, it was the fact he couldn't say it and the fact that right now, sitting on her couch, so close to her, there was nothing else he wanted to do. Say those three words, tell her how he felt.

But feelings were going to mess things up, they were already messing everything up and Nick's entire body hurt, every part of him ached. He felt frazzled, like he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't handle being so close yet so far, he wanted more and they couldn't have that. He hated it, but there was nothing else he could do.

"Amanda" he looked into her eyes "I think it's time"

Amanda moved back, she swallowed hard, understanding exactly what he was talking about, there was no need for a long conversation, it was obvious "oh"

"I…can't tell you how grateful I am for everything, but…I thought my mom would beat it in a few weeks, it's stupid but…" he took a deep breath "and us…you know what I'm talking about"

She didn't want him to go but if he left now it could hurt less. Maybe, but somehow she doubted that and that was exactly what he was talking about. It wasn't going to get easier.

"Where are you going to stay?" her voice was barely a whisper.

"I'll go to my mom's"

"Ok" Amanda stood up "do you want me to give you some time to pack? I can…go for a while"

Nick felt so confused, this wasn't what he planned. But then again, he didn't have a plan and it was he who made this decision.

"It's not gonna take a long time and…" there were so many things he should have said, if he didn't say it was time they could be doing something else right now, they could lie in bed, she'd be in his arms. But he said it, because the longer he stayed the more he didn't want to leave.

It was a blur but somehow he had packed his things and when he was done packing Nick met her by the door. All of their time together came down to this, saying goodbye.

"So…" she tried to put on a smile.

"I don't know what to say" he said honestly.

"Just don't say _thank you_ again" she chuckled, trying to act as if this really wasn't a big deal "just…" she smiled shyly "give me a kiss goodbye"

Nick placed his bag on the floor, by his sister's bag and looked at Amanda. He wasn't going to decline. His lips met hers and as he let them linger he fought the tears which were forming in his eyes.


	11. Chapter 11

Cesaria's apartment was quiet and dark. Nick turned the lights on and was glad not to find Sonya there. He needed to be alone. He already missed Amanda and he didn't want any questions, talking about it was going to cause more pain, and it was painful enough.

* * *

"Nick?" a stunned Sonya stood at the door, it took Nick a moment to realize last night wasn't a dream, he said goodbye to Amanda, drove to the apartment and somehow fell asleep on the couch.

"What?" he mumbled and sat up.

"What are you doing here?" she walked over to the couch and sat down next to her brother, unhappy.

"I thought I'd stay here until I find another place to stay" he replied quietly.

"A place to stay?" Sonya was confused at first, but then realization sunk in, he left Amanda's apartment "I'm sorry"

"Don't worry about it" he gestured at her bag "I brought your things. I'll stay on the floor"

"What happened?"

"Listen Sonya" he decided to change the subject "I'm sorry for what I said, ok? It was wrong"

"It was"

"And you know that I care about you, a lot" he smiled "I feel really bad for saying it"

"Apology accepted" she decided to forgive him, seeing that he was upset about this breakup "and I'm sorry"

Nick wanted to say everything was fine but he didn't feel like lying.

"It wasn't because of me, was it?" Sonya let go, maybe Amanda didn't like the fact she stayed at her place or the fact that they argued.

"Of course not" Nick smiled "it was just temporary and it was time"

Sonya decided not to say anything else for now, it was clear it hurt him and he didn't need her probing, maybe she shouldn't have talked about it at all. She wanted her brother to be happy and she could tell that he really loved Amanda, she'd give him time before bringing it up again.

"Remember when we moved to New York? There were no beds in the bedroom and I cried?" Nick nodded "you told me it's gonna be like camping"

"And you said that camping sucked" he smiled.

"We still had fun, I couldn't find my CDs so you sang me my favorite songs. We can do that again, sleep on the floor. Well, you're gonna sleep on the floor"

"But I'm not singing anything" he warned.

"We'll see about that" She kissed his cheek "you're a good brother Nick, not the best brother, but a good one"

"Thanks Sonya, that's nice. Did you go see mom?" he asked.

"Yeah" she placed her head on his shoulder "thank god she's better"

"She's gonna be fine" he said.

Sonya looked at her older brother, right now she wondered if he was going to be fine.

* * *

Amanda returned to the apartment, Frannie greeted her and Amanda patted her for a while. Even though the apartment was small, lately it seemed too big. She got used to having someone there, to seeing Nick sitting on the couch, cooking in the kitchen, lying in the bed.

It's been a week and she wasn't sure how she was feeling, she knew he was going to leave at some point, but when it happened it was so unexpected, he caught her off guard. She thought they'd have time to say goodbye, not just a quick kiss at the door, as if this was the end of a date and he was kissing her goodnight and not goodbye. But she knew that it didn't matter, it didn't matter because she didn't want to part. In all of her relationships she somehow ended up hurt, as if there was a sign above her head saying _hurt me._ But with Nick, even when things got rough, they were able to forgive and move on. She was the one who said that everything was temporary, but she didn't want things with Nick to be temporary, she really wanted things with him to last. But he had a family, and the fact he wanted to be with his children was admirable.

But moving closer to them meat moving away from her. It meant she was hurt again, alone again.

"I've got you" Amanda smiled at Frannie "right girl?"

The dog sniffed her and Amanda took that as a yes.

* * *

Nick's mother was out of the hospital for two weeks and they've been all living in the small apartment. Nick got an inflatable mattress and it felt a little like when they were kids, in their first apartment in New York, only this time the siblings were the ones staying in the living room and they were older.

"So what was wrong with the apartment you saw today?" Sonya asked, Nick was looking for a place, but it wasn't easy, the realtor showed him a lot of places but for Nick something always felt wrong.

"It was too small, Zara and Gil will stay there when they visit, so I can't live in a shoe box" he finished washing the plates.

"I'm sure you'll find something soon" Cesaria gave him a kiss "and in the meantime we like having you here"

"Maybe you like it mom" Sonya joked "I liked it better when I had the living room all to myself"

Nick didn't have to turn around to see the look Cesaria gave Sonya. Whenever he mentioned something about him staying there she was rewarded with a reprimanding stare from Cesaria. The older woman was upset to find out that he has moved to the apartment because it meant Amanda and he were done. She really hoped her son would work something out with her. She didn't know her well, but the little she did know, she liked. Nick tried to act like everything was fine but it was clear he missed her.

Cesaria noticed the way he checked his phone, wondering if she called, the way he stared out the window, thinking about her. She didn't say a word, even though she wanted to tell him he was making a big mistake, that he could come up with a solution. But Cesaria knew her son, and when it came to matters of the heart he didn't want to hear anybody's advice.

"Trust me" Nick smiled "I can't wait to get away from your snoring"

"I do not snore!" Sonya said seriously.

Cesaria went to bed early, like she did every night and Nick was forced to watch TV with Sonya.

"Didn't we watch this movie yesterday?" Nick thought the story was familiar.

"Of course not" she shook her head "it's a completely different movie"

"It looks exactly the same, all of their movies look the same"

"It's Hallmark Nick, they are sweet and romantic, unlike you" she teased.

Nick ignored the last remark "it's not real, life is not like that"

"That's where you're wrong" Sonya turned to him "you think that everything has to be complicated, but that's not true, not everyone has a soap opera as a life, like you" she didn't mean this as an insult so she smiled slightly.

"Yeah" Nick got up and poured himself a glass of water.

"I didn't mean to upset you Nick" Sonya followed him to the kitchen "it was a joke"

"You didn't" he said "I'm just thirsty"

Sonya was under strict orders not to say anything about Amanda, their mother was very serious about it. But Sonya wanted to say something, they were happy together so why wasn't Nick doing anything about it? Why was he giving up? He was supposed to run to her, tell her that he was in love with her, that they were meant to be, and it would rain and…

"Sonya?" Nick noticed a goofy grin on his sister's face.

"Nothing" she returned to the living room and turned her attention back to the screen "you're missing it"

"I have a feeling I know how it's gonna end" he reluctantly sat on the couch.

"Happily ever after" she smiled "and don't say that's not how life works, that is exactly why we have these movies, so you'll be happy after the end" she knew exactly what his next words would be so she didn't give him a chance to say them "I know that a wedding isn't the end, blah, blah, blah…but some of us don't want to see just the bad side and be miserable"

"Ok" Nick stood up again, he needed some air "I'm going out"

"Where are you going?

"Out" Nick put on his shoes, grabbed his jacket and left.

He let his feet carry him but he knew very well that Amanda lived far away, he wouldn't make it there by foot. A part of him wanted to see her but he couldn't even bring himself to call, ask her how she was doing. He hoped she'd call him and checked his phone a few times a day. But Amanda didn't call, didn't send any messages.

Thinking about their radio silence made Nick's heart ache, he hoped it was a heart attack, anything but what was really happening, anything but a broken heart. His was probably shattered by now, with all of the heartache he's been through. And Amanda, with what she's been through…maybe they caused more damage, but it felt so good, it felt so good to be with her.

When Nick returned home Sonya pretended to be asleep, he could see her open her eyes for a quick second, thankfully she didn't say anything about the slight redness in his eyes.

0

"I don't need any more stuff Sonya" Nick said, he had finally found a place and she joined him to bring some of his things from storage.

"I'm not talking about a lot of stuff" she insisted "just some linens, towels that sore of thing"

"Why would I need anything when I have more than enough here?"

"Don't you want something new?" she asked.

"I don't need it" he locked the door and picked up the boxes he was going to take to his new place.

"That apartment is pretty crappy, some new stuff will make it look a lot better" she continued, Sonya really didn't like the place he chose.

"You can just say you don't want me to move" Nick smiled at her.

"Yeah right! I can't wait for you to be out of my hair" she sat down in the car.

"Now you get mom's living room for yourself" Nick drove to the building, Sonya didn't hide her dislike of the place, but Nick couldn't spend a lot of money and after seeing too many places he took the first thing he didn't completely hate.

Sonya was glad to offer her interior decorating skills, even though Nick didn't ask or wanted it. But he was glad she helped him clean up, even if it only helped a little.

"Ok, let's just stop at one place, buy one thing, it's bad luck to move to a place without buying anything new"

"You just made that up?" Nick glanced at her.

"Look it up" she said "obviously not right now, cause you're driving, but after we buy something"

"Why do you care about it so much? I don't need anything new"

"I just want it to look better for you and for the kids, would it be so bad to get something new? For me"

Nick decided to give up, it's not like it really mattered to him and if she cared about it that much…

They walked into a store and Nick gave her a budget of fifty dollars, she wasn't too thrilled but ended up choosing a few things for the new place.

"Happy?" he asked when they walked out of the store.

"You can be cheap" she shook her head "and…"

Sonya went silent and Nick looked at her to make sure she was ok, the moment he turned his head Nick could see what happened, Amanda was walking down the street.

Sonya gave him a confused look and for a second Nick thought this was a set up, but Amanda wouldn't do something like that and how else could Sonya know where she'd be.

"Let's go" Nick said and rushed to the car, they were pretty far from her.

Once they were in the car Nick was sure she didn't see them, she stopped to check something on her phone and then continued without looking at the car's direction.

She looked exactly the same, of course, it's been just over a month since they last spoke, but still, Nick almost expected her to be different, changed by what had transpired between them.

"Nick" Sonya's voice was soft.

"We should go, Zara and Gil will be here in a few days and I want to make sure everything's ready"

* * *

There was no elevator in the building and Nick appreciated Gil's help with the luggage, Maria always packed so many things for Zara he was a little scared she had secret plans this weekend.

"This is it" he let them walk into the room.

"Oh" Zara said, sounding a little disappointed, her dad did say it was a studio, one room but big enough for the three of them.

"I know it's not that great" he caressed the top of her head "but it's ok, I promise that when I move to LA I will get a better place"

"I think it's fine dad" Gil said.

"It's temporary" Nick smiled, suddenly regretting not bringing more of their things from storage, maybe he should have let Sonya get more decorations.

"Have you been to our old house?" Zara asked, checking the couch.

"No" Nick was a little surprised himself, the thought hasn't really crossed his mind. When he was staying with Amanda he didn't feel out of place and when he left…

"…but I don't know if I want to" he realized Zara was talking about it while he got lost in thoughts.

"How about we go visit abuela, she's very happy you're here" Nick offered, afraid this was going to turn into a car ride down memory lane.

"How is she?" Gil asked, the children called her and they were pretty up to date, except for the close call with the septic shock.

"The doctor said that the chemo is working, he even smiled the last time we saw him" this wasn't a lie, the doctor said that even though the chemo had bad side effects, it was doing the job.

This weekend was better than the last one, there were no tears, even though no one enjoyed Nick's new apartment. But the children were so much more optimistic, it almost felt like old times, before they moved away, when Nick could see them whenever he wanted. This was exactly the reminder he needed, the reason why he made the choice to move. He was a father and a father belonged with his family.

* * *

Nick said goodbye to the kids at the airport, he missed them already and hoped that soon he'd join them in California. There was a lot of sadness he wanted to leave behind in New York.

As usual he had dinner with Cesaria and Sonya and helped cleaning up after his mother went to sleep.

"Zara complained about your apartment" Sonya said "you should have let me decorate"

"She understands it's…temporary" he smiled "and I will find something nicer in LA"

"I can help you decorate" Sonya crossed her arms "and it's gonna look like a home and not like a…temporary thing"

"We'll talk about it when the time comes" Nick wasn't going to move before his mother was healthy.

"I have a feeling it's gonna happen soon, I think this will be the last round of chemo, I am willing to bet everything I have on it"

"I don't want to make any bets and you don't have much so…" Nick kissed his sister's cheek and walked to the couch. He wanted to head back to his place, where he could choose what to watch on TV.

"You're so funny Nicholas" Sonya sat down next to him "I think we should get mom a gift for when she'd better"

"Sure, but maybe we should wait"

"But we can think of something" Sonya turned the TV on, another one of her romantic films.

"Well, you could always find her old flame" he joked.

"Who are you talking about?" she was curious.

"Do you remember she told us about seeing a man when we were young?"

"Of course I do, he moved away and she stayed here"

"Turns out it's Tommy's father" he let her know, seeing her expression change from confusion to understanding.

"Your friend Tommy?" she asked and Nick nodded "oh my god Nick! That is a great idea! You are a genius sometimes"

"I was only joking Sonya…" she was very enthusiastic and turned her computer on "I am going to find Tommy on facebook and ask him about his dad, it's gonna be so romantic! What's his last name?"

"O'Brian" it took Nick a moment to remember "but…"

"Found him, I think" she showed him the screen, wanting to make sure this was the right Tommy O'Brian.

"It is him but Sonya…" it was useless, she already sent him a friend request and wrote him a long message.

"Hey Tommy, I don't know if you remember me" she read it to Nick "I'm Sonya Amaro, Nick Amaro's sister. You two were friends long ago. We have just found out that your dad and our mom had a little thing going on" she glanced at Nick, smiling "years ago. Our mom has cancer, but she is getting better and Nick and I thought it would be a great idea if we could bring them back together, if your dad is single. Please write me back" she looked up at Nick again "I am so excited!"

"Calm down, we don't know anything about…"

"He already wrote me back!" Sonya almost squealed and read him the message "of course I remember you and I had no idea about my father and your mother (sorry to hear about the cancer). My dad is single and right now we are having a little family gathering so he is visiting me at my place in Long Island. If you want you, you can come by when you have the chance, call my number and say hey to Nick" Sonya's eyes widened with excitement like she was five years old at Christmas morning "I am going to call him right now and set it up"

"We can't take mom to Long Island, it's gonna be too hard for her" Nick said, even though it wasn't such a long drive Cesaria was too weak for it.

"Then we will go there and see them and bring mom's boyfriend here…Nick" she grabbed his hand "this was a really good idea!"

"It was a joke" he whispered.

* * *

Sonya made up an excuse and the following day they were on their way to Long Island. She was so happy Nick didn't have the heart to tell her not to get her hopes up. But when they got there turned out her hopes were in the right place, Tommy was very happy to see them. He introduced them to his wife and his children, to his father, Barry, who was curious to hear more about Cesaria, and his younger brother Connor, who Nick remembered but Sonya never met before.

"So where did you move?" Sonya asked Barry when they were having lunch.

"To Atlanta" he replied and took a bite of his stake.

"Atlanta" Sonya noted, in the back of her mind she remembered she has met someone from there but who? Then it hit her and she gave Nick a quick glance "you lived there for a long time?"

"Yes" Barry nodded "until I retired, but now I live in Los Angeles, not far from Connor"

"Really?" Sonya's eyes widened "Nick's moving there when mom gets better"

"Yeah?" Connor asked "I'm a realtor there, give me a call and I will help you find a place. I still remember when we were kids, Tommy never allowed me to join you guys but Nick always said that I could. So don't worry, I got you covered"

Nick thanked him and placed his business card in his pocket.

"I told you so, didn't I?" Sonya said when Nick drove off. It went better than she had anticipated and she couldn't wait to tell Cesaria.

"It was nice to see them" he nodded. He had some time to talk with Tommy alone and it was fun to reminisce.

"You see" she added "after all these years mom's gonna be happy, and you said that my romantic movies weren't true"

"Nothing happened yet, but I hope things will work out"

"It's never too late" Sonya smiled "and Tommy's kids are so cute"

"And Connor…" Nick noticed she was very interested in him.

"He's so nice" she smiled "he promised to find you a good place"

"Did he promise you anything?" Nick teased.

"Nick!" Sonya gave him a stern look and turned away, smiling from ear to ear.

* * *

The next few days were full of excitement, at least from Sonya's side. She was the one to tell Cesaria about the little trip and about Barry. She wasn't sure about seeing him while she was sick but Sonya convinced her otherwise and Barry and Connor drove to New York and the kids were not allowed to join the date. Apparently it was a successes because they came again and this time stayed for a few days. They had dinner together and Nick felt like the fifth wheel, Cesaria was talking to Barry, Sonya had something going on with Connor. Nick felt alone even though there were other people in the room. When Cesaria went to bed Barry left for the hotel, leaving Connor at the apartment. Nick knew Sonya wanted to be alone with the guy so he gave the couple space and went back to his place.

He took a shower and turned the TV on so the apartment wouldn't be so quiet. He missed living with someone, hearing another person's voice, Amanda's voice. When Barry mentioned he moved to Atlanta Nick couldn't fight the nagging voice, this time it asked him what if…what if his mother would have left New York with Barry and he'd end up being a cop in Atlanta, maybe he and Amanda would meet earlier and…

But it was useless to think about it. This was his life and not some fantasy. He didn't get one of those happy endings like in the romantic movies Sonya liked so much. He wished he did, he wanted to be happy, to be with his kids, to be with Amanda but it wasn't in the cards.

Nick took a deep breath and changed the channel. He recognized the woman on the screen, it was that talk show, Betty's talking, the one he watched at the hospital the day his mother fainted, he called Amanda and they talked. He wanted to talk to her so badly, to see her, to be with her. It took a lot of willpower for him not to call her, not to say that he missed her, that he wanted to be with her.

"So what I'm saying Betty" the woman on the screen said "you need to ask the universe…say: universe, I need your help"

"That sounds amazing" Betty clapped and the entire audience repeated the words.

Nick chuckled and turned it off. But even without the noise from the screen Nick couldn't turn off the thing that woman said, ask the universe, it was stupid but he was alone, no one would know.

So he asked.

"Universe" Nick said, not believing it was his voice "I need your help"

He expected something to happen but nothing did, _I'm a fool_ , Nick thought and walked to the kitchen.

A knock on the door startled him and Nick thought he was hearing things, until he heard the knock again. He rushed to the door and didn't even look through the peephole before opening it.

"Hey" she said.

"Amanda" Nick whispered.

* * *

 _One more chapter left_


	12. Chapter 12

_This is the last chapter._

 _Thanks for reading._

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Amanda wasn't sure how long it's been, she didn't remember the exact date he left, but it's been a long time. But no matter how many days, how many weeks have passed, she still missed him exactly the same. A lot.

She spent a lot of time at work, a lot of time at meetings, a lot of time with Frannie. She even went to the cinema a few times, just to get out of the house. But she felt awkward being there alone, when so many people were there on dates, holding hands, hugging, kissing. Not that she wanted everyone else to be alone because she was, but she wanted them to hide their happiness a little, so she wouldn't be jealous, so she wouldn't think about not having it with Nick.

It was her day off and she found herself lying in bed, trying to read a book. It wasn't bad, but she couldn't concentrate on the words, she already took Frannie for a long walk and didn't really feel like doing anything at all. Maybe it was time to clean up the place. She was a little messy, and when Nick was there he picked up after her, saying he liked helping her out. But he was gone and Amanda had to take care of things.

She got up off the bed and looked under it, her clothes had a tendency to disappear under it and when a shirt went missing it was the first place she looked. She found a dark green blouse and placed it on the bed. There were two other shirts there, but they weren't hers.

She smiled to herself, thinking that there were a few sexual encounters where they were so hot for one another their clothes were thrown all over the room. That's probably how the t shirts got there. She thought about leaving them there, as some sort of a reminder of what they had. But it's not like she was going to forget it, with or without the fabric. She had to bring them back to him.

But she couldn't bring herself to call him, so instead she dialed his sister's number.

"Hello?" Sonya answered.

"Sonya?" Amanda asked, the other woman mumbled something to someone and Amanda thought she heard the words just a second.

"Amanda, hey, it's nice to hear from you"

"Listen Sonya, I hope you could help me, I found some of Nick's things and I was hoping you were at your mom's place so I could leave them there"

"Eh…I'm a little busy" Amanda could hear her smile "so right now is a bad idea, but I'll give you Nick's address, I'm sure he's at home now"

"Thanks" Amanda was disappointed, she wasn't ready to face him, but she had no choice, she already told Sonya she had some of his things, she couldn't change her mind and just get rid of the clothes. So Amanda wrote the address down and without calling she drove to Nick's place. She thought about leaving the bag by the door, but she wasn't a kid, she could handle it. So she knocked.

"Hey" she said.

"Amanda" Nick whispered.

"Yeah, it's me" she smiled at him "I found some of your things and thought I'd bring them back, Sonya gave me the address"

"Thank you" he took the bag from her "do you want something to drink?"

"No" Amanda shook her head, she was so self-conscious standing next to him that every little move she made seemed out of place to her "thanks"

"Oh…" he wanted to offer her something that would convince her to stay.

"I should go" she smiled and turned around, wanting to leave, when Nick moved quickly and placed his hand on the door, preventing her from opening it. Amanda gave him a questioning look, was he kidnapping her?

"I have something to say" the wheels in his head were spinning and he had no idea what he was saying, it was an improvised speech, but he let this force take over him, he was the one who asked the universe for help, maybe this was it?

"I love you" he said, feeling a weight being lifted off him, like he was buried under rocks and they were now gone "and I'm not good at this, but I do love you. And I know I'm moving to LA, but what if I also stayed? If I'll be here half of the week and the other half there?" he shrugged, he didn't think about this option, but the idea was out now "Amanda, I know I'm not a catch, I have a lot of baggage, not just with my kids…and being with me is probably not worth it, but I love you and if you feel anything for me, maybe we could try, officially try. I don't know what's gonna happen but I hate not being with you and I want to really be with you, not temporarily, This isn't perfect, but it's more than nothing and we could see where it goes" he took a quick breath "right now I want to kiss you, carry you to bed and make love to you" Nick couldn't read her, did she hear him? Did he even say anything? She wa1111s staring at him quietly and he wasn't sure "Say something"

"I thought you were going to kiss me" she whispered.

"Not before you tell me…"

"I'm in love with you" she looked into his eyes.

"Yeah?" his lips slowly curved into a smile.

"Yeah" Amanda nodded slightly. She couldn't move, she wasn't sure this was real.

"I'm gonna kiss you now" he moved closer to her and she nodded.

Their lips touched, it was the tenderest thing Amanda has ever felt. At first only their lips touched, just a slight touch, but then they moved closer and closer to one another until somehow their bodies were pressed to one another. As promised Nick picked her up and walked the few steps that separated them and the bed.

Nick lowered her on the bed but didn't let go. He kept his hands on her and kissed her again, this time with more fire, more passion. All of their bottled up emotions were now out in the open and their kiss represented that, their hands roamed the other's body, moving under the cloths but not in a hurry to remove them.

"Amanda" he pulled away for a second, missing her lips already "are you ok with this?"

She knew he was referring to his offer, living in both states. Maybe it wasn't ideal, but nothing in their lives was, except for the way they felt.

"Yes" she smiled at him, she wanted to be with him, even if they'd be apart some of the time, they could make it work "I love you"

Nick kissed her again, pulling her to his body. Hearing her say the words, telling him she loved him, made him feel something he hasn't felt for a long time, pure joy. Amanda reached for the hem of his shirt and Nick raised his arms so she could take it off. She smiled seeing his abs.

"You like that?" Nick hissed into her ear, nibbling on her earlobe.

Amanda tilted her head, giving Nick access to her neck. His lips were instantly on her skin and his fingers unbuttoned her blouse and pushed it of her shoulders. He quickly unhooked her bra and took it off. He kissed her lips again and glued his chest to hers, feeling her breasts against his skin. Amanda's hands were traveling up and down his back.

"Lie down" Nick gently pushed her on the bed and got on his knees above her, he looked at her, taking it all in. His heart was beating faster with excitement, with the love and desire he felt for her.

His fingers reached the button of her jeans and he felt her tremble with anticipation, with need for him. Nick unbuttoned the jeans and slowly unzipped them, seeing the black fabric of her underwear slowly appear.

Amanda raised her butt so he could remove the clothes and touch her. Just thinking about his touch made her feel a little dizzy. Once the jeans were on the floor Nick's lips were on her calf and he moved higher, not taking his mouth of her skin. Nick let his right hand rest between her thighs and slowly started rubbing her, he could feel the fabric getting wetter and loved the fact he was responsible for her arousal. He took his time removing her underwear, staring at her as he did so, the need in her eyes was so intense Nick needed a moment to breathe.

But soon enough she was completely naked on the bed and Nick smiled and moved to her face, kissing her again. His fingers moved between her legs again, finding her clit and softly caressing it.

"I missed you so much" he hissed in her ear, feeling her gasp because without a warning he entered two fingers inside of her wetness "I love you" he removed them and thrust the now moist fingers back into her body.

"Ah" Amanda's eyes shut and she moved her face to his direction "Nick…I…"

"I want to show you how you make me feel" he felt her warm breath on his face and then she opened her eyes, meeting his gaze. She pushed herself against his hand and Nick started moving a little faster, stroking her inside, making her moan louder.

His words, his touch, he was bringing her to the brink, and Amanda lost the ability to talk she could only enjoy the experience he was giving her.

"I love you" he said, rubbing her clit and Amanda was lost, the orgasm took over her, washing her body like a wave. Nick nibbled on her neck while she came down from her high and slowly started moving lower.

"Get over here" she said.

"I'm not done yet" he smiled, his lips closing around his left nipple and tenderly sucking on it "ok?" he asked.

"Ok" he could do whatever he wanted to her because Amanda knew that she'd get her turn to worship his body.

Nick enjoyed feeling her breasts under his palms and his tongue, but he had his mind set on giving her another orgasm so his mouth traveled lower, sucking on her skin. Once he reached between her thighs Nick's tongue was on her swollen clit, the sound she let out told him she was more than ok and he continued, sucking on the knob and teasing it with his teeth. He gave her a moment to catch her breath and when he thought it was enough Nick returned to his task, thrusting his tongue into her depths. He felt her fingers in his hair, pushing him even closer. His fingers caressed her thigh but he stopped so he could pinch one of the hard nipples. He wanted to have all of her, touch and taste her entire body. She called his name, cursing as another orgasm shook her, making her lose control over her limbs, her right foot jolted, hitting Nick's crotch.

"Fu…" he squealed with pain.

"Nick" Amanda sat up "I'm so sorry, you're ok?" she touched his shoulder.

"I'm…" he needed a moment, thankful it was a pretty light kick.

"Sorry babe" she said.

"Call me babe again and you're forgiven" he smiled.

"I can do better, _babe_ " she grinned and reached for the waistband of his sweatpants "I'll be gentle"

Nick stood up and she pulled the pants and his boxers down so he could step out of them.

"Lie down" Amanda bit her lip and Nick's mind was clouded with arousal, for her.

Amanda sat on top of him and let her hands glide all over his chest, she missed the warmth of this skin, the way he reacted to her touch. She grabbed a hold of his left hand and kissed it, she kissed his index finger and slowly pushed in into her mouth, sucking on it without taking her eyes off of his.

Even though Nick was completely aroused he somehow felt himself grow even harder. Feeling Amanda on top of him, giving him a playful smile, he wasn't sure he could last one second.

Amanda let go of his hand and leaned into him, her lips brushing against his and then moving lower. She nibbled on his neck, placed pecks all other his chest, sucking on sensitive spots she knew drove him mad. She caressed his erection while her mouth moved lower. She removed her hand and instead tasted him with her tongue, swirling it around the tip and engulfing him with her lips.

Nick lost the ability to speak, the warmth of her mouth send electric shocks through his body and he couldn't think, not that he wanted to. He just wanted to enjoy her actions. Her head was moving up and down while her hands kept him from moving. She let her right hand play with his balls and Nick let out a raw cry, knowing that if she kept on going he would explode.

Amanda withdrew and gave him a few seconds to breath before sinking her body on to his hard on, she could no longer wait for him to fill her. She threw her head back once he was all the way in and took a few seconds to enjoy the way he felt inside of her but then the need for more took over and Amanda started moving up and then down again. Nick sat up and his lips found her breasts, alternating between the two, teasing her nipples and caressing her back. Their lips met and they kissed as their bodies rocked against one another.

Nick wrapped his arms around her body and turned them around, he entered her again, harder this time. As the pace quickened heir breaths got more and more ragged and neither could hold it in any longer. Nick sunk himself into her as he climaxed and he felt her join him a few seconds later.

Nick rolled on the mattress but Amanda didn't want even the few inches to separate them. She rested her body on top of his and they exchanged soft kisses which slowly turned into a one long passionate kiss, their tongues tangled together as Nick's hands tenderly caressed her back.

After a while Amanda felt him grow against her thigh and she smiled into the kiss and used her fingers to help him out and let him enter her again. He said he wanted to make love and for Amanda this was the first time she understood what it meant.

Neither of them knew how much time has passed, they couldn't keep their hands off each other but after a few rounds they both needed a break. A short one.

"Hungry?" He caressed her cheek.

"A little bit" she smiled at him.

"I'll make you something" he was planning to get up but seeing her lying there didn't make it easy.

"You know" Amanda didn't move "I don't think I ever cooked you anything"

"I didn't think you could make anything"

"Don't underestimate me" she playfully smacked his ass "I can't cook but I haven't told you that I can make a pretty good apple pie"

"Oh yeah?" he was curious "what do you need for that?"

"Flour, sugar, butter, apples…"

"I have all of these here" it wasn't a lie, he made pancakes a few weeks ago.

"Then let's go" she sat up and they walked to the kitchen.

"Tell me what you need" he smiled.

"Flour, sugar, butter, apples" she said, knowing she was forgetting something.

Nick placed all of the ingredients on the counter and waited for her to give him more directions. He enjoyed looking at her bare body.

"I need a bowl" she looked an him "and a cup"

"There you go chef" he winked and placed them in front of her.

"So now we need a cup of flour…" she poured it into the bowl "I think"

"You think?" Nick chuckled.

"Well, I don't remember the exact recipe"

Nick didn't ask who taught her, whether a family member or someone she had a relationship with, right now this wasn't a conversation he wanted to have.

Nick stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her shoulder.

"What are you doing?" Amanda smiled.

"I am going to serve as your apron" he replied.

Amanda laughed but didn't want him to move, she poured some sugar, guessing how much was needed and placed in the butter. Something was definitely wrong but Nick's hands were now playing with her breasts and Amanda had a feeling there wasn't going to be a pie. She let out a moan when one of his fingers was on her clit and turned her face to him, needing to feel his lips.

He was rubbing her clit harder and Amanda tried to hold on to something, causing the bowl to turn over and everything was spilled on the counter and on the floor. Neither cared about the mess, not when Amanda's hand grabbed his now hard member and spread her legs, needing him to get inside of her. Nick didn't let go of her mouth as he pushed himself into her welcoming body. He could never get enough of the incredible feeling that took over him when he was one with her.

Amanda's hands were on the counter, trying to support her weight as Nick was thrusting into her, she bucked herself against him and they grunted together. Nick was working her clit and soon enough Amanda felt like she won't be able to stand anymore and leaned against the counter as another orgasm blew her mind.

Nick knew there was no way he could let her eat in peace if she remained naked so he put on his boxers and gave her a clean t shirt. Nick smiled when he noted the state of his bed, the blanket and pillow were on the floor, the sheet was off the mattress.

"You're gonna have to wash it" Amanda smiled widely.

"Worth it" he said and walked to the fridge "I'll make sandwiches" it was late but they were starving.

"Sorry about the pie and the mess" Amanda chuckled "I totally forgot the recipe. I'll help you clean up"

"We can do that later" he placed the dishes on the table "but I'll be expecting that apple pie someday"

"Thank you" Amanda took a bite "and I will make you that pie when I remember how"

"Have you heard about this thing called the internet?" he raised his brows "you can find anything you want"

"Tell me more" Amanda looked at him.

Nick filled her in on the discovery, the drive to Long Island and the fact it actually lead somewhere.

"Tommy?" Amanda asked, she remembered the story and the photograph "boy band Tommy?"

"Yeah" Nick nodded "I had no idea they were seeing each other back then, but mom was happy to see him again and Sonya found it very exciting" Nick chuckled "I don't know what's gonna come out of it"

"I think it's a cute story, and if it makes your mom happy…" she shrugged.

"Yeah, I have to admit it was nice to see Tommy, we were good friends, back then things seemed so simple"

Amanda smiled and took another bite, she was glad Nick had a little adventure with his sister "and you didn't fight with Sonya at all?"

"No, but I am unhappy she showed you embarrassing photos of me"

"You heard us? Don't worry, you showed me worse. You really made bad hair decisions, ha?" he chuckled and Amanda smiled "you're hair is perfect now, so please don't change it"

"So…" Nick said after he finished his food.

"This place kinda sucks" Amanda talked with her mouth full.

"The castle is being built as we speak" he grinned "it was the best thing I could afford"

"Does that mean you'll you move back to my place?" she asked.

Nick smiled "I'd love to, but on one condition, I want to pay half of the rent, cause I'm gonna be living there with you" the thought made Nick happy, he couldn't wait to be back there. This place was just somewhere he stayed in, but wherever he'd be with Amanda – that was home.

"I can live with that" she said "I missed you"

"I missed you too" he grabbed her hand "we need to have a serious conversation about us"

"You really like talking about things, ha?" Amanda grinned "you are gonna move in with me and spend half of your time in LA with your kids"

"You're really ok with this?"

"I am" she nodded, knowing what would be his next question "absolutely sure" she got up and sat in his lap "because I love you and I really, really want to give us a real chance"

"I love you too" he kissed her "it's gonna work out, I know it" he kissed her again "and you could spend time with me there when you have time off and on holidays. You have any plans for Christmas?"

She shook her head "I'd love to decorate palm trees with you in LA"

"Yeah?"

"But right now" she smiled "I want to kiss you, carry you to bed and make love to you. Well, maybe not carry you…but the other things"

Nick let her take control over the kiss and he picked her up, wanting to lay her on the bed. But the way Amanda was kissing him made him almost lose balance and he stopped by the wall, pushing her against in an effort to balance them. Amanda wrapped her legs around him and her hand reached into his boxers.

"Wait…" he mumbled with his lips against her cheek.

"I don't want to" she was able to lower the boxers enough to expose his erection and Nick pushed himself into her body.

"You're so impatient" he moaned.

"It's your fault" Amanda smiled, holding tight to his body.

Nick didn't reply, he just hurried his thrusts, knowing this was what she wanted, what they both wanted. The only thought on his mind when he climaxed was how much he loved her.

* * *

Nick held Amanda close, it was late and they were both exhausted but he still let his fingers move over her body, caressing her soft skin.

"I noticed my hand is gone" she said quietly, touching his arm.

"What?"

"The tattoo, it's completely gone"

"The one you drew on me?" he smiled, remembering that night "I took a few showers since, so it was washed away"

"Then I guess I'm gonna have to draw another one"

"I don't know about that" Nick pulled her closer "but you can touch me whenever you want"

"You're insulting my drawing skills" she let out a short laugh.

"But you still love me, don't you?" he wanted to hear it again.

"I do" she turned to him, smiling. She knew their plan wasn't going to be simple, there were going to be complications and a lot of them. But they loved each other (her smile widening thinking about him saying it) so they will overcome and after some time, who knows…

Nick couldn't remember the last time he felt so calm, at peace with himself. Maybe the stars were aligned, the universe did it's job, he didn't care. He was going to make it work, with Amanda in New York and his children in California. It wasn't going to be easy, but it was going to be real and it was worth it. And in a few years…who knows? Something told him he would never love another woman the way he loved Amanda, and they weren't giving up. They were going to make it.

* * *

Nick's eyes fluttered open and he saw her back, she was sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Morning" he mumbled, still feeling tired "what are you doing?"

"I have to go" she smiled "take Frannie for a walk and I gotta work later"

She put her bra on and Nick sat up and moved closer to her "don't go yet" he asked, moving her hair to the side so he could kiss the back of her neck. His hand moved to her bra, unclasping it.

"Mmm…" she wasn't going to protest. Last night felt like a dream and this meant it wasn't.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, removing the fabric.

"A little sore" she smiled "I wonder why"

"Sorry about that" he cupped her breasts in his hands, kissing her shoulders.

"Don't be" Amanda turned to him "I had a very, very good time last night"

"Come here" Nick pulled her to the bed, he was going to make this into a very, very good morning.

* * *

They took a quick shower together and Amanda got dressed "I really gotta go now"

"I'll walk you down" he opened the front door.

"You are such a gentleman" she grinned and gave him a kiss before they walked to the street.

For the pair it almost seemed strange that everything was the same, the people, the cars. Like nobody noticed that for them things were different, so much better.

"Where's your car?" Nick asked.

"I parked on the other side" she gestured at her vehicle "so will you come by my place today?"

"Of course" he nodded.

"With your things?" she bit her lip.

"I'll start packing right away"

They looked at each other, feeling like they were the only people in the world.

"I love you"

"I love you"

Nick didn't even realize he was holding her hand and he had to let her go so she could cross the street. He was about to return to his place when she was on the other side but turned around when he heard her voice.

"Nick wait!" she called.

He wasn't sure what was on her mind so he stood there, waiting for the light to turn green. It seemed to take forever but at least he could look at her in the meantime. Finally the light was green and Amanda started walking. Her hand was in her pocket as she crossed the road.

In all of the usual hustle and bustle of the city there was suddenly a loud noise, for a second Nick wasn't sure what it was, but it wasn't something he never heard before. A car.

It didn't happen in slow motion, time didn't freeze as the car drove through the red light and hit the people who were crossing the street. The sound filled his ears and even though he couldn't forget it, Nick couldn't describe it, he couldn't even understand what it meant.

"Amanda" Nick ran to her, she was lying on the asphalt. People were screaming things but Nick couldn't understand, as if they were speaking a foreign language. The only thing he could see was her.

"Amanda" he kneeled down next to her and wasn't sure what to do. There was no blood but her eyes were closed and she was motionless, he knew better than to move her.

"Hey" he touched her cheek and her eyes opened, just a little bit.

"Nick" she seemed confused, like she wasn't sure where she was.

"You're gonna be ok" he said "help is on the way" he could hear sirens.

"In my pocket, take it" she mumbled and Nick reluctantly reached her jacket, taking out what was in it, the reason she wanted him to wait, the reason she crossed the road, a key to her apartment.

She closed her eyes again and Nick wasn't sure what to do, the sirens were closer but it was taking too long. But did it even matter now? He could sense it even without touching her, as if something was changing in front of his eyes.

"Amanda, please, I love you" he leaned closer, feeling a terrible pain in his gut.

"You smell good" her voice wasn't even a whisper and she didn't add anything, not even when he asked her to speak, to say anything, not to leave him. He couldn't feel her pulse, but tried talking to her until someone else was there, a paramedic who said something but Nick didn't hear, he didn't want to.

* * *

 **Epilogue**

* * *

50.

The big cake was decorated with the number and Nick looked at it. He vaguely remembered something Sonya once said, that when he'd be fifty, he would somehow be thirty five. But he didn't feel younger. He didn't feel like he was at any age at all. The number of years he's spent on earth didn't really matter.

"They wanted to eat the cake Uncle Nick" the boy said, looking at his sisters "but only after dinner"

"Danny's right" Nick said and opened the fridge so he could place it inside "we will have cake after dinner"

"I want cake!" said one of the twins.

"I want cake!" said the other.

Nick smiled at the girls and walked to sit on the staircase, next to Frannie.

He told Sonya that he didn't want anything for his birthday but she didn't listen, saying that it was a serious number and they had to celebrate.

"You know Nick" she said when she walked into his home "somehow you just get better with age, this is not fair"

"You look beautiful" Sonya's husband, Connor, said before wishing Nick a happy birthday.

Nick thought that Sonya really did get the happy ending she always dreamed of, or the happy beginning. So did his mother.

Cesaria and Barry rekindled their romance and while the parents fell in love with each other, their children fell in love too. It was just like in one of the movies Sonya loved so much.

For Nick things were different.

The truth was that his memory of the events that had transpired after Amanda's death was blurred. He knew he made a few calls and then somehow got to her house. Frannie was happy to see him and he took her out for a walk. Then he packed some of her things and took her to his place, that's when he fell apart.

Sonya knocked on his door a few hours later. She wanted to hear if Amanda came by to bring him his things, she was so excited to hear Frannie barking, thinking it was a good sign. But when Nick let her in she was shocked to hear what happened. Nick could barely say the words, it didn't seem real. Sonya offered to give him water, but he told her not to touch anything, not the counters, not the bed. Nothing Amanda had touched.

Sonya took care of her broken brother, even at his worse Nick was never like this and she was scared. He was there physically but that was it. He barely spoke, barely moved.

Nick couldn't take the fact that she was gone, he lay in bed, trying to relive his time with her. But the memories hurt and he was slipping into a dark hole.

He refused to go to her funeral, refused to talk to anyone who knew her. He felt dead, just as she was.

Sonya came by everyday with food and to help with Frannie, she knew it was better not to say anything, so she just sat with him on the couch, the only place he allowed her to get close to.

They got help from The O'Brian's, Barry drove Cesaria to chemo when Sonya couldn't, they thought of the treatments as dates, they had a lot of catching up to do. Connor helped Sonya, she confided in him about what she was going through.

She had to tell Cesaria and the news broke their mother's heart. She was still battling the cancer but she could only think about Nick, he was her son and he was it pain. Sonya said it was best no to visit, she was afraid her mom would get worse if she saw his condition, he didn't want to wash the place, even though there was flour and melted butter on the kitchen counter and floor. He didn't want to change the sheets, he didn't shower. Sonya didn't argue and did as he asked.

Cesaria called her son and told him it was time for him to move, she had Sonya and Barry and she was getting better. The doctor recommended surgery, he could remove the lump. She was going to get better and he had to think of himself, to be with his kids. Nick didn't want them to know, he didn't want to confuse them, they didn't even know about Amanda.

Connor returned to LA and found Nick a place. Nick didn't even care about it, where it was located, the number of rooms, bathrooms, furniture. Everything he did was automatic, sans emotion.

He finally cleaned the place, seeing her at every spot and everything was blurry due to the tears. The truth was he didn't want to stay there one more second, he hated everything around him. He hated the apartment, the street, the crosswalk. The city.

Frannie was confused, she was standing by the door, waiting for Amanda or walking around the small apartment, looking for her. Nick knew he couldn't explain that she wasn't coming back. The dog would lie in bed with Nick, it smelled like Amanda and maybe it gave her some kind of comfort. Nick wasn't sure what it gave him.

Frannie was the only thing he had that belonged to Amanda and he wasn't going to leave her behind. So Nick left for California with the dog.

A week after he was somewhat settled in the new house Nick got a call, Cesaria told him she was healthy. The cancer was gone. Cesaria and Sonya came to visit him and the kids and they were all smiles, Nick tried to do his best.

Nick also did his best to hold on when he was with Gil and Zara. But at home he didn't bother. Frannie wasn't calm in the new environment, he knew she was searching for Amanda and he wanted so bad to find her for her.

Sonya moved in with Connor a month later and Cesaria decided that since her two children, her grandchildren and Barry were living far away, the best thing would be to move to California too.

And so, a few months later, Nick's entire family was there.

When Sonya got married Nick was very happy for her, but when she was standing at the alter Nick couldn't help but feel a light pain in his heart. He could picture Amanda, wearing a white dress, walking towards him, saying I do, becoming his wife.

He missed her so much. It wasn't getting easier, the pain was just getting more familiar.

"Uncle Nick" Danny said "this is for you" he handed him a drawing.

"Thank you buddy" Nick looked at it.

"It's you and Frannie and this is me" the young boy explained. He was five and Nick loved him with all his heart. The day he was born Nick held him and for the first time in years he felt hopeful.

"I love it" Nick kissed the top of his head "thank you so much"

"It's for your birthday" he smiled.

The boy had a special connection with his uncle and was always happy to see him and spend time with him. Zara and Gil were growing up so fast. Nick looked at his son, he was talking to Barry and Cesaria, his girlfriend was standing next to him. Nick thought that she was a nice girl. Thankfully Zara didn't have a boyfriend, at least she didn't tell him about one. She changed her mind about being a famous singer, she wanted to be a doctor and was about to start her first year of college.

Nick knew that at some point Sonya told them about Amanda. He didn't want the kids to know, but Sonya thought it was for the best, they noticed something was different about him no matter how hard he tried to hide it. There was an incident at a restaurant, Zara ordered the apple pie for dessert and Nick got lost in the memories. The day after she told them the kids tried to act like everything was normal until Zara hugged him so tightly he was a little scared.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I just really love you dad" she said.

Thanks to Connor's contacts he was able to find a job at a private investigator's office. They didn't care about the issues that forced him to retire from the NYPD, on the contrary, it was a plus. He buried himself at work, not wanting a lot of free time on his hands.

A coworker offered to set him up with a nice woman, she used a lot of superlatives but Nick always declined. He was already in love and it wasn't going away, she was gone but he still loved her, with everything he had.

He thought about Amanda everyday, he had a lot of dreams about her, they were sitting at the kitchen, walking with Frannie. The dreams were simple, every day things he would love to do with her, planned to do with her, was never going to do with her. Sometimes they were so real that he woke up and expected her to walk into the bedroom and smile brightly at him. The realization, which took less than a second, was like a knife in his heart, every time.

He missed everything about her, her voice, her laughter, her smile. Every little thing. He didn't talk about her and nobody brought it up, not in front of him. It was as if he had a hole in his heart, an emptiness nothing could fill. Yes, he smiled and laughed, was happy with his family. But it wasn't like it used to be. His taste for life has lessened and there was no fixing it.

Danny hugged Nick "it's good that you put the cake in the fridge"

"Yeah?" Nick smiled at him.

"The girls wanted to eat it, it's wrong. We have cake only after dinner"

Nick smiled, Danny reminded him of himself. When he was a kid he always tried to make sure that Sonya followed the rules. And now Danny was doing the same things with his little sisters. The twins. Sonya dressed her little girls exactly the same and Nick wasn't sure if even the girls, who were going to be three soon, knew who was who. Sonya even gave them similar names, Isabelle and Annabelle, and right now they were twirling around the room looking at their pink tutu dresses. Their father was dancing with them.

Nick patted Frannie, she was very old and he wasn't sure how much time she had. She didn't have a lot of energy anymore and spent most of the time by the stairs, for some reason it was her favorite spot. Nick thought that the reason she was holding on was the fact she thought Amanda was coming back, she didn't understand time, so she waited for her owner and Nick waited with her.

"Uncle Nick" Danny looked at him "is Frannie old?"

"Yes she is" he nodded.

"Is she going to die?"

The boy lost his pet hamster not long ago. Sonya told him he went to a farm but his father told him the truth about death and after confirming it with Nick Danny was upset but he understood, as much as possible, he did like the part about heaven.

"Someday" Nick replied.

"It's sad" the boy patted Frannie "I miss Mr. Hamster"

"Of course you do, you love him"

"But I think he's in heaven with other Mr. Hamsters"

"I hope so" Nick nodded.

"Will Frannie go to heaven?" he asked.

"I think she will" Nick looked at her.

"It's for good people and good dogs and good hamsters" Danny got up "you're good Uncle Nick, I love you"

Nick watched the boy as he walked to say something to his mother.

He lost his faith after Amanda's death. Even though he has seen pain before, felt a lot of it, it was never like this. But if there was some kind of a good force in the world then maybe Amanda was in heaven. And maybe, when his time comes, he would get to see her again.

Maybe, if he gets there and the gatekeeper is kind enough…

* * *

 **-The end-**


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